this post was submitted on 20 Jun 2026
491 points (96.8% liked)

Not The Onion

22348 readers
1052 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 149 points 2 months ago (1 children)

would be the first cage fight i ever watched

[–] adespoton@lemmy.ca 47 points 2 months ago (8 children)

Ironically, I actually saw the cage fight where The Undertaker took out Mankind. I was visiting someone who was a big WWF fan and they had it playing.

Non-scripted fighting? Can’t say I’ve ever watched that.

[–] njm1314@lemmy.world 29 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Widely regarded as one of the best wrestling matches of all time.

[–] adespoton@lemmy.ca 9 points 2 months ago

It was definitely the peak of the genre.

[–] OS2Warp@lemmy.zip 9 points 2 months ago

I miss ShittyMorph.

[–] Rekorse@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 months ago

If you look into that event, its not entirely as scripted as you think, which is partly why it was such a shocking event. Mankind did take a huge risk and I'd argue he very easily could have died.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] BananaPeal@sh.itjust.works 83 points 2 months ago (1 children)

We really are living in the Idiocracy timeline.

[–] teyrnon@sh.itjust.works 47 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It's way worse, Idiocracy had good faith leaders, our are pieces of shit.

[–] BigBananaDealer@lemmy.world 21 points 2 months ago (1 children)

they only had good faith leaders long after the pieces of shit had set the world up in a way where everything would be shit unless someone had some sort of cold storage device for humans that would wake them up 500 years later

[–] SpaceCowboy@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Where can we sign up to be put into cold storage?

[–] BigBananaDealer@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

first you gotta join the army, then be the most average person possible, and also have no drive to do anything. good luck

[–] DaGreenGobbo@feddit.uk 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I'm halfway there! But somehow I'm the second half of the way there.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 71 points 2 months ago (1 children)

We were supposed to see Zuckerberg and musk, but then musks mom said he couldn’t play. Then we were all sad.

[–] teyrnon@sh.itjust.works 22 points 2 months ago

We all knew Musk would bitch out.

[–] betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 51 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Watch Junior try to spin this as a threat on his life and get Hunter gulag-ed. Wouldn't put it past those thin-skinned crybullies.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] foggy@lemmy.world 32 points 2 months ago (1 children)

This is our regularly scheduled reminder that we absolutely need celebrity death match to be brought back.

Someone just rip the idea off if the rights are unattainable.

[–] teyrnon@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 months ago

Now a fight to the death, that I could get behind. I'm thinking we give hunter a net and trident, and don jr idk. Gladiator game, nationally televised. Fuck yeah, let's do it.

[–] Zier@fedia.io 29 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I want to see Hunter smash the shit out of stephen miller.

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 21 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

I'd like to see anyone clobber PeeWee Himmler, but I'd prefer it to be a minority, and/or a woman. I'd LOVE to see an Abuela beat him into a sobbing fetal position with a chancla.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Lucky_777@lemmy.world 25 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Let's fucking go. Should be a monthly fight.

[–] Chee_Koala@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (2 children)

One of the first big civ's in SEA ( I forgot if it was the harrapans or in (one of?) the first megacity, near present day angkor wat), The king had to climb a pretty steep climb after every day of work, so if they got really old or glutonous, he couldnt use the kings house and thus not be king anymore. Obv the idea is flawed, but I kind of like the idea of a built in physical test, that would disqualify you from a position of serious power if you fail to pass it.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] santa@sh.itjust.works 24 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It’ll never happen. They are bullies. Push comes to shove — cowards.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] W3dd1e@lemmy.zip 20 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Okay but I want to be on that fight card. I have challenged Stephen Miller dozens, maybe even hundreds, of times at this point.

[–] SippyCup@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I'm pretty sure in a fair fight I could take RFK and Kid Rock together.

[–] SethTaylor@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

RFK and Kid Rock would unironically make a hilarious comedy duo as villains in a Jackie Chan movie

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Promise to also give him a wedgie and a wet willy for me. For the good old times sake.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] FinishingDutch@lemmy.world 20 points 2 months ago

I absolutely hate this timeline 🙄

[–] dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works 18 points 2 months ago

I'm in! Any situation where trumps get punched in the face is ok by me.

[–] Akasazh@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago (11 children)

I mean the vulgarity of the event is obvious. And the mental image of Hunter bitchslapping Jr is enticing.

However this kind of exchange in itself is so far of the classy scale, more in the trailer park terms of conversation.

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 5 points 2 months ago

Yeah, but in the trailer parks, they're all debating who would win that fight.

load more comments (10 replies)
[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 15 points 2 months ago

I'd watch that.

[–] ivanvector@piefed.ca 10 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Just gotta say, the last time I remember two politicians challenging each other to a fight, one of them was Justin Trudeau.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] PM_ME_VINTAGE_30S@anarchist.nexus 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Hoping that they both literally kill each other 😈

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago
[–] jaemo@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 months ago

There is no yield, only death is the test of it....

[–] Gammelfisch@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (2 children)

The Orange Shitstain vs the Lunatic Ayatollah would be better.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›