This is why you keep a poop knife with you.
this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2026
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Plus the toilet tank takes 6 minutes to refill.
But you flush again after 2 minutes...doh!
So you go to turn the flow valve, but it breaks off in your hand. Now the poop won't flush and you've got to get out of the house to hit the main valve (or flee. Lots of folk choose flee) with no one noticing your clothes are covered in poop water
But as you flee, the window jams as you raise it with your foot now stuck in it. You reach for the sink to pull you free, but oh no here comes the hiccups...
So you reach for the apple cider vinegar, and take a swig to banish those hiccups. But wait.. that's not ACV... that's... Kerosene!
I just put new toilets in my house and they fill up so fast now, like 20 seconds 
every time you take a shit, you need to install a new toilet?
yeah they're pretty bad
Ok we can't ask you back because you did not share your drugs
I did that at a house warming for one of my girlfriends friends. I just came out of the bathroom and told her we needed to go now.
you mean go to get a plunger?
you mean go to get a plunger, right?
you mean go to get a plunger, left?
No, right.
dude, we're using the plunger wrong, it goes up and down, not left to right
Yep repeatedly and forcefully. Wish did we upon a metaphor
Instructions unclear, plunger stuck in butt.
quietly moans
Dealing with the source of the problem directly
You know, it was the early 2000's and these hipster d-bags didnt own a plunger. So now they get to deal with a football sized turd while I do the Irish goodbye.
They just got the house, give them a break. I didn't see you bring a plunger as a housewarming gift, did you!
no kidding, but now I know what to buy for every future house warning gift
Other guests might bring flashy tchotchkes, but it's the humble things that really matter when it counts
you could have gotten a poopknife
You mean go to get a plunger, up?
Isn't "going now" what got you into the situation in the first place?
"Babe you're going to need a new friend"
If its just a floaty poop. drape TP over it in a V shape. Maybe 6 squares. Then flush. TP gets sucked down and takes that shit straight to hell.
What if the tp combusts between me putting it down and me flushing?
Trust me, you just Mitch Mcconnell that shit. Works every time.
I've never tried filibustering my shit down the drain, but I can't say it's never worked either...
Shit McCommode
Inform your host and help them pack up their things. It is the poop's house now.
They're smart, they're organized, and they have my keys.
Y'all need to eat more fiber. Literally never had a poop not flush.
My fattest toilet snakes are often the result of fiber intake. They're nice, healthy, bulky af logs, (absolute units) and they come out clean. They're just slightly wider in diameter than what the local infrastructure can accommodate. So we use a plunger - it's not a big deal.
They need to make a plunger with a rubber fin for chopping doozies
Well that's what the poop knife is for.
We left Reddit behind. We can leave the poop knife behind. The waffle stomp? We can leave that behind too.
You're absolutely right! Silly me.
I just went out and purchased a top-of-the-line poop garotte! It slices like butter
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I assign you to clean the men's commode in the morning. I have PTSD from doing it today.
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What a shitty format, the top text should be over the left image and the bottom text should be over the right image. Now it's just "poop:" for both images, which isn't what it's trying to say.
Would have made much more sense to have the images vertically stacked with their respective text beside them.
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It has to be an emergency, unless they also have a bidet
And if they have a Toto I'm inviting myself over just to poop.
I guess it rains down in Africa 🎶 flush, overflowing
If they have a Toto, not for long they don't. I have a Toto now.
NGL I've mentally trained myself not to poop outside of home. My body seems to agree because I've only pooped twice outside of home since the last time I've done so when i was a toddler!
You don't even poop at work?
Only once!
You're missing out on thousands of dollars worth of paid poop breaks!
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