Dungeons and Dragons

As always, communication is key.

Sounds like the group vibe is aiming for heavy combat, and the other player is wanting to min-max for numbers efficiency. But on the other hand, it sounds like your DM has an idea for some homebrew horror, which usually benefits from non-combat scenarios.

I wonder if maybe the group needs to reflect and see what page everyone is on.

Also worth mentioning that if youre a new player the other player may just be doing a bad job trying to guide you and isn't intentionally trying to play your character.

Talk it out. When people let these things fester in their mind they tend to make them worse than they are.

If you aren't having fun, speak up first and see if everyone can find a compromise that works. If they can't discuss things like adults or you still don't mesh, then leave.

Life's too short to sit there bored and frustrated.

Also, it's your character, play it how you want. At level 3 on (in 5th edition) I personally keep only a spell slot or two in reserve for big moments and up until that point I use them whenever I feel they make my life easier (if I'm playing a wise characters I might reserve more, dumb characters reserve less). You aren't supposed to be an omniscient god making the always optimal choice, you're supposed to be an adventurer figuring it out and saving the world.

If you're not enjoying your time, something is wrong. Leaving might be excessive; especially since it seems like a very established party. talk with them first. maybe talk with the DM privately and give them feed back. "I feel we're getting too bogged down in the metagame" Is very valid. As is, "i find it's hard to roleplay when everything is 'Unimaginably indescribable' and also I would like to have more generic trashmobs to smash. I feel like everything is a boss and it's kinda rough."

as a side note, something I've learned as a DM, is that even if everyone wants hard combat all the time, there needs to be less-hard moments. having every monster be a BBEG or whatever is counter productive- when everyone is a BBEG, no one is a BBEG- they're just an 'EG'. (also... the random encounters with goblins and such like; they consume your action economy, making the BBEG fights harder without having to worry too much about powercreep.)

Another option is to handle the metagaming outside the session itself- it can be a bit more work on the DM's part, but touching bases before lets you work out all those questions without breaking table flow. (you can create a discord channel and just have it be your party, for example. I put out a 'so here's where we were' kinda thing a day or two before so everyone can look it over and catch mistakes; a long with the transcript of the game.

As for the other player, a polite, "you can play your character" seems in order. They play their character. you play yours. they don't get to tell you how to play yours any more than you get to tell him how to play his. Even if it's true that Bless is less beneficial at higher levels, it doesn't really matter. Besides, spell slots and actions are meant to be used. if you have any left over at a long rest (or short rest if they recharge on short rest) then you're wasting your spell slots.

As always, communicate. Preferably before it's a problem. "Hey DM, I really enjoyed but was kinda meh, and I'd like more cats/dogs/WeirdDemonicFamiliars to pet would be cool. Oh, and I really enjoyed . that was tense" is a conversation that needs to happen much more. As a DM, it's hard to put engaging sessions together when the most feedback you get is "that was fun" in the most unenthusiastic voice you have. (it's actually kind of soul crushing...)

Just remember to make the feedback constructive, not a "this sucks!"

No D&D is better than bad D&D. If you think airing your concerns will affect change, take a shot, otherwise it sounds like you're ready to move on.

It sounds like your DM should really be running Call of Cthulhu or Delta Green.

That being said, communication is always key. Talk to your DM explain how you’re feeling, if they’re completely unreceptive bail, they have no one to blame but themselves if they have no empathy for their fellows. If you’re up for it I would also offer to run a one shot (our one shots inevitable turn into 3 sessions so be ready for some bleed over) or a short 2-4 level campaign. Give the DM a break and a chance to see some differing style.

I was in a campaign with the DM's best friend, his girl friend, and one of my friends. DM's best friend, we will call him Jeremy, was playing a "that's what my character would do" rogue. Jeremy caused a lot of grief for the party.

I was playing a devotion paladin, specifically, a Hellrider, my character did not fit terribly well with the rogue. So i approached the DM and asked, of for the sake of the game, we could retcon my character was a vengeance paladin. He agreed, and the changed worked, but there was still the issue of Jeremy's "that's what my character would do" nonsense.

After two really bad sessions i went to the DM and laid out my issues with Jeremy. Nothing was said, nothing was done. After 2 more sessions i withdrew from the game citing Jeremy's behavior. The game lasted a few more games before my friend and the DM's girlfriend decided to quit too.

If you are not enjoying the game, quit. Or at least talk with the DM and/or other players.

D&D is a hobby.

If you're not having fun, it's not worth the time. The others can figure it out for themselves.

Some things you just need to talk about.

Next session, in combat, smite an enemy. Even if it's not a big or challenging encounter. You can't tell the difference between a paladin with no spell slots left and a paladin that doesn't ever cast spells.

If anyone gives you grief about not min/maxing your actions, be frank about it bothering you. Does anyone else get their actions put under a microscope?

In the end, of the other players want to play, they'll have to let you play your character the way you want to. If they'd rather debate on what is the best use of spell slots for the paladin in the party, then they can have those discussions without you.

You and/or the DM need to tell this guy to play his own character.

But it sounds like you're not enjoying the campaign anyway, so I wouldn't continue doing something you enjoy. The DM can find other players. Or, if they don't want to play if you don't, that's fine too. You're not responsible to provide entertainment for the other two players.

So be it.

It sounds like this is a very experienced group. They've already done all the cliche stories that a noob might expect, and crunched the numbers for the most efficient Min/Max builds.

There's nothing wrong with any of that. They can play however they want, but if you aren't having fun, it might be time to bail.

I like a more relaxed campaign that gets a little silly without spiraling into nonsense, and gameplay focuses more on conversation and creativity than number crunching.

If the game falls apart, it isn't your fault. After all, other people dropped out before you did.

It sounds like you’re playing mostly as a favor to your cousin, so it feels like you should be able to enlist their help to get the backseat player to leave you alone and let you play how you want?

Also, the most important advice I ever got from a DM was “never die with spells uncast,” and I recommend spending spell slots as soon as it seems like it might be useful, if that helps you make your case.

Talk to your cousin about how you feel first but if they still shrug the problem off then just leave. At that point there's nothing more you as a player can do to make the game fun and if its not fun then what is the point of playing? Finding a group can be tough but this game is supposed to be something you look forward to and enjoy not slog through like a chore for the sake of others

Playing no D&D is better than playing bad D&D.

Not going to tell you what to do, just helping you brainstorm a little.

You could leave, maybe try to find a different group, or perhaps try the same group in a few months but with different characters and/or change who's DM:ing. The reason you're playing is probably to have fun, and it's just wasting your free time if you actively dislike it. I've been in a group where the DM just hated everything about a divination wizard, so she was never allowed to do anything. He thought half her spells and abilities were OP, and he had no clue how to respond to Augury. Sometimes it just doesn't work.

Alternatively, you could try talking to your group, and telling them how you feel. If they can't handle it, see previous option :) Perhaps you have tried already, but I think you didn't mention it so perhaps you haven't really sat down with the other players and tried to find practical ways for all of you to enjoy the game.

Or a third option, trying to make these sessions fun, if you value hanging out with your cousin and friends more than finding a D&D session you actually enjoy. If they indirectly force you to only fight with your sword, instead of simply declaring "I attack the goblin" every turn, add a ton of flair and tell a story. Describe the way you swing your sword, how you move around, what your character is feeling, unimportant small things like wiping sweat from your brow, etc. Write down some cool one-liners your character can shout out every now and then. Turn your co-player's desire to save your spell slots into your character's motivation, invent a backstory for why they are afraid to use spells, perhaps they're haunted by a tragic event in the past caused by wasting them at first opportunity.

I've never actually had a group to play with, but I have some advice just from the standpoint of group dynamics. It sounds like they have good intentions and poor execution; they want you to have a good time playing the game, so they try to point out pitfalls to avoid. (Edit to say maybe their intentions are selfish but I have better results generally when I assume good intentions). Unfortunately, they're forgetting/not realizing that making mistakes to learn how a game works is actually more fun than just being given a complete guide. Maybe tie it back to the DM's themes (mystery/exploration/the unknown) to make it stick better. Speaking of which, there's nothing wrong with wanting something different; I would just be prepared to tell them what exactly that is. From their end, it can suck to be told your ideas aren't fun without an alternative, but they need to understand everyone has different tastes.

If you want to stick around, I would try to approach things from that angle. I wouldn't mention your feeling of holding the group together, it's not likely to garner positive feelings (I think). Let them bring that up if they want, then address it.

Hope it goes well for you!

That's the sort of table I'd leave without much fuss, but sometimes you gotta make the best of things. Is this a situation where you could offer to DM once in a while, or maybe try out a different game that gives a bit more structure in the direction you're looking for? Draw Steel helped me explain what I was looking for and not finding in D&D.

Sounds like you need to get out of there. If they choose not to continue with 2 players then that's their decision.

There are times in life to be a people pleaser, and there are times in life to allow yourself some selfishness. A d&d game is no reason to torture yourself.

To the other player: "Hey, that's cool and all, and I appreciate the suggestion, but I'm not going to take it. DM, I cast ."

do you like the role play aspects? Why worry about spells. Your a paladin. A divine holy warrior. A bulwark against evil. You radiate an auro of divine protection that brings comfort to those in distress and judgement to those who do evil. Also if you want to cast a spell do so and they can suck it. I mean if they are min/maxers and want you to divine smite everything great but you rp the way you gonna rp. They can play the paladin that does not cast spells if they want a paladin that does not cast spells.

Oof that style would also drive me crazy. When I DM I make it clear right at the start that the point of my game is cooperative story telling. The game part is really just there to facilitate that and keep things interesting. If I ever had someone metagaming that hard it would kill the roleplay I think.

It seems like one of these problems lies at least partly with you. As in, you allow it to be an issue, and you have the ability to remove the issue.

I'm not trying to be rude just constructive, so bear with me! I'm speaking from my own experiences and what little I know from the post so I may be way off. If so feel free to disregard or correct me.

My first few sessions literally any time I tried to cast something, this other player told me I really shouldn’t. [...] At a certain point I just started doing nothing but regular attacking.

Just because other people have an opinion doesn't mean you have to follow or fold to it. I get it can be hard to put your foot down as a new player, especially if they are loud or belligerent about it, but this is YOUR character and your choice to make. You decide what to do on YOUR turn. It doesn't make any sense for your character to not use magic, and the other player isn't that characters master or mentor or something, right?

You can stop this issue of not being able to cast spells, in at least three ways:

1. Let them voice their opinion and their worry, then do whatever you had planned to do regardless. In the end it is your choice.

2. Have an above-table conversation. Tell either that player in person or the whole group that you would like to practice playing without their help for a while. That making mistakes is a part of the game and part of learning, and you want to play your character immersively without the meta-gaming of discussing your turn with the table, unless you specifically ask for suggestions.

3. Talk to the DM. Ask them to talk to the table to minimise meta-gaming and let each player take their turn after how they choose to play it.

Point 2 and 3 can also be something to try to see f the DM and/or players are interested in more roleplay (suggest having discussion like inventory and strategy in character instead of above table, or suggest facing some smaller recognisable enemies in addition to the large terrifying entities, etc).

” actually Bless isn’t as useful as this other thing, but hey if you WANT to use bless I don’t GUESS it would hurt…”

I hate to say it, but I have these tendencies... it's not my favourite personal trait. I get way to engaged, speak out of turn on impulse, sometimes interrupts, then catch myself and try to reel it in by affirming that whatever I have just said the other person get to decide for themselves (see this whole comment for example). Perhaps this person is the same and the miscommunication comes from what tone they use and/or what tone you interpret/hear? If so things can improve by talking about how you communicate while playing. Or perhaps they are actually being passive-aggressive - but here's hoping!

Regarding the campaign itself... sometimes it's just not a good match. Sometimes the expectations and interests and playstyles are too different and not worth trying to compromise on. And since this is your first table it might well be worth trying to find another table, another DM and another genre. You're not obliged to stay just because there wouldn't be enough players left without you. It's not a job, it's a hobby and it should be enjoyable for you.

If you want you can ask your table and DM if you can try DMing a short campaign or one-shot. Being in that position can give you a lot of insights of what you want from your next game as well as how to be a better player. It's fun, but nerve-wracking!

Good luck with everything.

Man I love all the well composed responses here!

All I have to contribute is that it’s okay to set boundaries and manage expectations 🤘

Like suggestions are welcomed when asked for! Otherwise opinions are like assholes applies lol it’s tough with new players not to overstep in a genuine attempt to help that can easily become overbearing.