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my problem is all my friends are too busy to spend time with me, and even if i manage to make plans with them lately they cancel more often than not. like whats even the point of being friends if i almost never see them. this world fucking sucks. fuck capitalism. fuck landlords. fuck everything being so fucking expensive and stressful. i just want a life that doesnt feel like some rich cunt used it as toilet paper. fuck.
I also had this issue, and my solution to this was simply to meet new people who do like and have time for socializing. Sucks talking less to my old friends, but you can't force something to happen that doesn't want to happen.
It has worked really well for me so far, fwiw
Your friends might just suck.
I've found very many people don't want to be my friend for various reasons, even if I want to be theirs.
The real trick is in a) realizing that and b) accepting it.
People will never come out and say, "I don't want to be friends with you" or "I'll hang out with when none of my other friends are available and my internet is out", so you have to read between the lines.
My most difficult friend breakup was with another guy going through a lot of the same existential things I was going through, and he was a deeply analytical, philosophical guy, and we had great conversations. We also watched an episode of ST:NG one night, which made me deliriously happy. We were planning on watching each other for a psychedlic trip. I thought I´d finally made a real friend.
But I was a low priority for him. What he really wanted was a girlfriend, and I was just there to be his wingman, drive him home from his drunken attempts to get laid, and help him pass the time. As soon as he got a girlfriend, he became unavailable. When he broke up again, he was there, but not really. I thought I'd help him get through it, but he was desperately creating a new dating profile while we were out together. Then on an another night, during a long drive, he ignored me completely and listened to podcasts.
He made some cruel joke at my expense via text and I told him to get back to me when he could be serious about his friendships. He wrote back something like, "Bro, it's not that serious" and then called me back a few hours later when my phone was on silent. That was it, that's exactly what salvaging this year-long relationship was worth to him: a text and an unanswered call and he just shrugged his shoulders and moved on.
Don´t waste your time with people like that. Give people a few chances, communicate if you think it'll help, then move on. Friends are supposed to support you, not constantly reject you. What you have now are _anti_friends, people that bring into your life all the opposite qualities that friends should.
Yup. One of my best friends I got to hang out with recent, but it had been ~6 months since last time we hung out just because work schedules. Was getting to the point I was worried that friend was just avoiding me (RSD?) which meant I was becoming more hesitant to reach out. Capitalism bad.
I don't know if I even have friends. There are a few people i'm friendly with but I haven't tested it. I feel like a burden and don't really ask to hang out or anything.
I bet they appreciate you more than you realize. You seem nice.
Thank you!
Being on the pedo Xitler platform isn't gonna help ya either mate.
This is what scares me about moving. How do we make friends as an adult while working full time.
I just moved in April, still haven't found a job, still don't have friends 🤣
I don't think I could move without a job. I'm only moving because I couldn't find a job in my city and had to take this. The job market is really bad right now. This move is going to set me back in life by 5years except economically. I'd take something that'd pay 75% of this job is it was in my city.
I was supposed to have a job. I even had a backup job. Yeah... Fuck the US right now.
Im older and literally cannot handle leaving my city at this point.
That's why I am on the internet. All the cool people are here, and not, like... Outside.
All the cool people are here
Only one problem: I'm here too.
It's been cool to learn that there are so many people with my exact mindset ...and closest one is 2000 kilometers away.
Not true, I'm in your walls.
Greetings fellow chair-desk-person. Or perhaps lap-bed-pillow-person. Or even lap-floor-person
Desk-floor person, checking in!
How could you forget us toilet-persons?
Being a toilet-person is inherently transient (hopefully). I myself am a toilet-person right now; however, I will regain my true form as a chair-desk-person momentarily.
*Actually now I am a pillow-person.
We've been interacting with bots anyways since we were young and taking them apart.
Literally same. I only have my current friend group because someone I used to work with practically dragged me to a DND game.
What I'm gathering from this is DND games are ideal places to obtain friends.
Or enemies. I did also meet a actual piece of human garbage incel that way. DnD groups always seem to be either the most wonderful progressive people you'll ever meet or the most vile human beings on the face of the planet. It's kinda weird how little middle ground there is.
It's as if the game draws a certain type of person sensitive to justice and consistent rules, uninterested in compromise for social benefit. 😜
Yes
DND is my only in flesh human interaction outside of work.
Flesh Interaction is the name of my garage band.
Idk, never really had that strong of a drive for socialization of friend making. Got the recluse variation of asd.
Whatever daily chitchat happens at regular places, like work, gym, home, is more than enough to overfill any interaction need coupled with whatever discussions/arguments happen here and that's it, whatever low need there is s completely satisfied.
I'm fairly sure my vocal cords have even atrophied over the years. Just few weeks ago for a short while i had to teach a new person at work and i lost my voice and throat was sore for few days afterwards.
Though i assume there's some deeper family trait in it as well. From fathers side of my family, great grandfather spoke handful of words per week. Grandfather just mumbled or grunted. Father was the chattiest one, few sentences per day, same with uncle, same with my brother.
Don't know about mothers side family.
A bit tangential, but just want to respond to your as someone who teaches singing and has to do a lot of talking in my profession - teaching (generally) involves a lot more talking than people tend to realize, and suddenly doing that after a long period will tire out anyone's vocal cords! I know my voice is typically shot the first week of teaching after summer break if I'm not very mindful about how I use my voice. This isn't like muscular atrophy though, the voice bounces back quick and adjusts to the increased use as long as you stay hydrated and don't push it too far past the fatigue and risk injury.
Honestly thats rather good to know, thank you.
Yeah it did recover over the weekend, but as the student went under other person i returned to my regular barely talking state.
Same. I believe I've suffered from autistic burnout for roughly the last year. I was pushing myself to be social, for my wife and other reasons. That led to me finally getting diagnosed.
Almost all of the autism resources I have found say something along the lines of "Autistic people actually love to be social with other people! It's just difficult because kfnthr double-empathy problem. Try making friends with autistic people". The psychologist, therapist, books, articles, everything. It all felt... Weird.
Then I talked to my older sister who was diagnosed almost a decade ago. She realized a while ago that socialization is just bad for her, so she stopped doing it and has been much happier and healthier ever since.
If you meet one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person. We’re each a unique bundle of overlapping quirks, but no two of us are the same.
I imagine that instruction (to make friends with autistic people) is made in good faith, but you’re right - some of us are just happier alone.
Honestly, I think that if we weren’t living in a world falling to shit, if I didn’t feel like I’m just scraping by, if I didn’t have to work full time to survive, I’d probably feel more energy for socialization. But with things as they are, I’m exhausted, and any further socialization is another drain on my already-depleted energy stores. I’m just not built for this world the way it is.
Being laconic is under-rated.
Looking back at the length of my text and that seems kinda ironic.
It's an asd thing?
Different communication style and preferences are kinda one of the core characteristics of autism, of course there's degrees of variation to it, but going to extreme end of reclusiveness does fall under it.
Though usually it's made worse by communication difficulties, social anxiety, difficulties in reading body language or facial expressions and just hyper focusing on their own special interest.
Leave their house? No, leave mine or get back to it ASAP even if I like them. Relaxation only ever sets in if I'm home and all duties are done for the day.
Yes, I very much have this issue.