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If it's a situation that I have control over or a say in, like an annoyed wet cat that wants you to fucking stop what the fuck you're doing that's doing it to me. If it's a situation I'm just dealing with and have no control over, I feel like leaving my body or I feel like leaving the place I'm in or at.
I can get quite unbearable. That's why it's so important to listen to my pleas if I even notice early enough. And then people are surprised I get unbearable...
"I told you this would happen!"
"But I thought you were bullshitting! Everyone's always bullshitting!"
"WHY IS THAT THE DEFAULT?!"
"you don't need to overreact like that!"
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
Are you pleading with them to stop breathing?! What would you want this person to do?
I was generalizing when I am at overload limit and need space. Many people don't let you have the space.
I just say is overstimulating me and I need a breather and excuse myself. Eventually you find the people who try to accommodate you and you end up excusing yourself less.
This was literally me 20 years ago. I eventually realized after much work that my feeling agitated at a totally normal noise I had no control over was entirely in my head. Turns out, I did have some control over what's happening in my head. You can totally learn to not let things like this get to you. I wish we were all taught these skills as children, but it's never too late.
I think part of it is an effect of mental maturity, a process that continues into our 20s, and which we can't control. I'm now in my 30s and have found self-control a lot easier now compared to when I was younger.
I can't fault young people for struggling with the same things I struggled with at their age. I do my part to help teach autistic children skills (it's my job, after all), and a big part of that is simply communicating when they need something, including a break from an overstimulating activity or environment. It'll be quite a few years before they can override their impulses, and that's the hard part. There's no speeding up mental maturity, but we can learn to recognize our limits and advocate for ourselves when we realize we're getting close to them.
Honest question:
How much of that mental maturing is caused by the act of being exposed to (sometimes over) stimulating activities and environments?
Like, a tree getting stronger because the wind blows it around?
I have my own issues, and while I'm still figuring things out, my personal impression is that by being more or less forced to fit in, I've developed skills to control myself/improve myself. Within reason.
No shade to anyone, and this is still a question to you since you seem to be knowledgeable on the subject. But the impression I get, which could be wrong, is that people who cope with overstimulating environments by removing themselves from them, tend to stop growing or improving themselves.
Like a tree planted in a pot indoors, yeah, sure, it's nice and calm in there all the time, and there's no wind. But if you ever had to move it back outside it might just break, you know?
Examples of people I know include the extreme: those who stay home all the time and never see their friends anymore for any reason.
To the just beginning to struggle, my friends teenage adult son who wears earplugs all day every day.
Everyone has their issues, and I know I sound judgemental but I'm not trying to be. I honestly want the best for them. But my feeling is that if you don't push yourself, you'll never grow.
I'm not saying never remove the stimuli, always power through. No.
I myself am well known with my friends for just randomly disappearing, only to be found later in a dark quiet room just chilling for 5,10,15 minutes. So I understand it. But then I come back.
I just personally would never choose to permanently remove stimuli, even if sometimes it's too much. Because I feel like I will regress.
Sorry for the wall, but does this make sense?
Oh I'm faulting no one, like I said, this used to be me. I disagree that there's no way to learn emotional regulation skills earlier though, there are effective ways to teach this, but as a society we don't teach emotional regulation skills at all. I was certainly never exposed to the concept and only stumbled across it as an adult
Fair. Emotional regulation is hard to teach, too, since you have to practice it when calm. Trying to teach mid-meltdown is a lot more challenging.
Yeah, I wasn’t taught to regulate myself either. I had to learn the hard way. Sadly, as a kid, I learned to act like my mom, and she never learned it either. Now I can do it but she can’t, and she’s in her 60s. It hurts my heart, because she’s only very slowly learning how therapy can help her (for the first 50+ years of her life, she resisted it - both for herself, and for her children.)
Definite a generational trend here. Almost everyone I know who has parents who are baby boomers with personality issues, those parents are staunchly "everyone else is the problem" kind of people and refuse to do any sort of self-reflection
as a society we don’t teach emotional regulation skills at all
Yeah, because that would make it more difficult to manipulate people into believing nonsense.
Clear and honest communication.
Preferably if possible well before, if we are talking about in a relationship/friendship/coworker. Most people can empathise. But empathy is ultimately based on our own experiences because that's all we know of, and this goes for all feelings.
Even if the person is not aware of your responses to what ever situation it might be, but it is one that "triggers" a stress response etc. As Clear and concise communication as possible in the situation is always best. But I would refrain from framing the persons unconscious behaviours or normal bodily functions in a way that makes the person feel responsible. Unless they have actually tried to agitate. Since their response most likely would be a defensive one, and thus not helpful for the situation and future dialogue.
So my recommendation would be something along the lines of: I'm feeling really stressed right now and need to collect my thoughts. I need a moment alone.
And try to leave the situation if you can, before asking others to leave.
Try to use broadly relatable language such as stress and anxiety. If it is a person that is not familiar with your need and responses, to help them empathise.
This isn't a silver bullet, but it will lessen the risk of confrontational responses.
I have adhd, this really only happens to me when I'm super tired.
Earplugs. When the world is too loud, turn it down.
If you're not comfortable just being honest, pretend you have a migraine and need to find a quiet dark room. Idk why people are weird about overstimulation in autism as if no one else ever experiences it.
Are u dangerous
Where I've been in the US everyone is very ok with you being busy, so I just say I have something to do (work, chores, helping out someone). Its also true most of the time, but sometimes my chore is setting by myself in the dark.
So, expressing youre over stimulated is good, I state to the people around me (my family) as such.
You cant set people on fire, so this is where we find a quiet place to regulate. Let folks know I gotta go decompress, please leave me be until I come back on my own.
No fire setting please <3