I think the expectation that you cut off your friends when they do something you don't like is a little out of control though... I've definitely lost friends over the way they treat their children but there are some steps before that imo.
this post was submitted on 07 Aug 2026
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Yeah, like talk to them. Which is in OP's main point.
Oh, I see. I read that as two separate points and not a continuation of the same thought.
I was agreeing with you, lol. I see that sounds snarky too now that I reread it. My bad.
Lol that's okay! It was clear we were both thinking the same things about it anyway regardless of internet ambiguity in tone
I do this with Trump supporters in my family.
Not trump voters, Trump supporters. To this day, they don't regret their vote, and they actively support.
Human garbage.
Tbh, anyone who voted for him a second time is equally as bad. They saw the first round and weren't mortified.
Good thing they will have a 3rd chance voting for him to get it right!
hopefully /s?
They have already had three chances to vote for him. Anyone who voted for him in 2016 is a forgivable idiot. Anyone who voted for him in 2020 approves of everything he did in his first term. Anyone who voted for him in 2024 approves of everything he did in his first term AND approves of what happened on January 6th. Voting for him or supporting him after that is not forgivable.
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That's a stupid take. If you 'normalize shaming' (which, to be fair, is quite common nowadays unfortunately) for things you don't agree with, you will make your own life miserable, and people will hate you for a good reason.
Sure you should talk to friends and family when you see them acting problematic, nothing wrong with that. But shaming people for things you THINK you understand (when you most certainly don't) is the fastest way to push people away.
"side piece" being problematic in itself, there are many who would use this wrongly.
A family who sees someone with a partner they don't approve of, the extremely religious not accepting divorce/remarriage etc
Don't worry, a lot of these people are already very vocal about this, they don't need some post online to start being shitty.
And isn't the entire internet just a giant indifferent shaming machine now? Like I get the desire to right wrongs and whatnot but it's not like the general consensus around cheating or being a deadbeat is positive.
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Shame monogamists who shame open relationships
Not all ppl in an open relationship agree on what it is though. Ethical non-monogamy and cheating treat ppl very differently and I reserve my right to shame accordingly.
Who the hell is bringing their DL mistress to a family barbecue? If she's there, there is no stinking way his wife doesn't know about it.
If the wife doesn't approve of it then yeah, he's pressing the self destruct button on his marriage and bringing drama into a space it doesn't belong, but I think it's way more likely she knows what's up and is cool with it.
We can extend this out. "If it doesn't involve you, it doesn't require your approval."
Both is good. If you’re poly, you can say that. By bringing a different date from your spouse, you are essentially outing yourself as poly already, you should expect questions if the group you’re doing this with doesn’t know, especially if it’s family you’re close to (I’m assuming they are at least in steady contact, given that they’re having family parties).
I can’t really imagine one of my siblings bringing someone other than their spouse to a family party, but I’d have some questions for sure. I also love and trust my siblings, so if they told me their relationship was open, I’d believe them and fully accept their polyamory. I’d probably be confused that they wanted to come out like that, but I wouldn’t have an issue with it. Once enough time had passed for them to be secure that I really accepted them, I’d probably ask why, but I wouldn’t be mad no matter what they said, even if they didn’t want to explain it.
If they were cheating on their spouses, I would not accept that, unless they were in a long term abusive situation and trying to escape. Otherwise, I would leave if it weren’t my house and ask them to leave if it were.
"You just want an open relationship so you have an excuse to cheat!"
- person who doesn't think about things or understand them
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Ostracizing used to work because we needed community. Now they will just go on the Internet and find hundreds if not thousands pro approve what they're doing.
And whatever the "village" did for a person can be bought with money. And people don't really do free work for you anyway, maybe your immediate family but that's about it. So people are more and more individualistic.
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Can't wait for people to stop saying normalize
Normalize not using normalize
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I can’t even imagine NOT saying a LOT of stuff if someone in my family I knew was in a monogamous relationship brought someone they were cheating with to a family function. I’d immediately tell on them then tell them I told on them right after and if they didn’t leave right away I’d be grilling them both until they did, what else even is there to do?? Just sit there and act like it’s normal? How??
Many people are terrified of being uncomfortable and confrontation
Certain members of my family would come after me for "causing trouble" if I called someone out like that. They'd be like "you should really deal with that sort of thing privately. Like yes he was in the wrong but you could've handled that better." Luckily, the rest of my family would then go after those certain family members for saying that
Point is, a lot of people were raised with tbe mentality that they need to preserve the family dignity and image and calling out someone for doing something objectively wrong is worse bc it calls even more attention to it. Getting out of that mentality is difficult. Still fucked up tho
Edit for clarity
What family dignity is there when you’re openly cheating on your partner though??
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The balls of someone bringing their side piece to a BBQ. There are families and friends that wouldn't call out that shit? I mean I get one or two but a whole BBQ of ppl?
Married people bring sude pieces to family events? Thats fucking wild. Not terribly surprising, but wild.
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Okay, but only for reprehensible behavior. Don't shame them because they're poor or because they're having mental health issues.
If we all did this the narcissists would have no power left
This is normalized already. I would call out a friend or relative for these things. I do hold people close to me accountable for things I deem "poor behavior".
But also, how normalized should it be to judge people? Your coworker doesn't show up to church every Sunday? Shun them at work. Found out a new friend doesn't see their family because they used to have substance abuse problems? Cut them off. Neighbors don't speak English? Call ice. Your friend converted to Islam and now wears a hijab? Confront her husband.
I'm sure this will get downvoted, but I just wanna point out that people all have different values and openly judging or criticizing people for their lives can lead to the sorts of echo chambers and social bubbles we see today.
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People, especially idiot chuds, are rarely so self-reflective as to think they've lost a friend because of something they've done. Usually they'll blame everyone around them for everything for their whole lives.
Shame relies not just on one person calling you out, but everyone calling you out.
@NickTheLuvCoach
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Cutting someone off isn't holding them accountable.
Are we seriously suggesting it is? This is slacktivism at it's finest.
slacktivism
I came mentally unprepared for another piece of internet lingo
this is a great sentiment if everyone around you is rational, intelligent and sophisticated. but they're fucking not.
my mother terrorized my sister and i as children and everyone in the family knew about the abuse. but she's ok.
me? i don't get invited to the family BBQs because i experimented with psychedelics.
The implication being shaming isn't already normalized..?
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