My cover letter is fire because I genuinely want to work where I apply, mostly because I dont apply at for profit companies :D

My first job out of college was back in the days when you bought a newspaper and looked in the classifieds.

I set up a mail merge in word to generate cover letters for hundreds of jobs. Each entry in the database had a single sentence related to the job to make the cover letter look like it was written just for that job.

Years after I was hired, my boss told me that they received hundreds of applicants, but I stood out because I took the time to write a cover letter to go with my resume.

It was an IT job, so I always figured it was less cheating and more a confirmation of my skills.

Last year I applied for my second job ever. My resume was comprised of 12 years working the same unskilled minimum wage job. I had a high school education. No technical certificates or anything like that... Wtf do I even do for a resume, besides

Name

phone number

email address

Professional experience: can read and follow simple instructions, can stack boxes

Thankfully the place was desperate for more employees and reading/following simple instructions was enough to get me through my probationary period. Turns out being of roughly average intelligence is enough to make it in life

Even better, each job app asks for something specific so you have to alter or re-write your cover letter hundreds of times for the hundreds of apps you have to submit to get a single shitty job.

Or they have a questionnaire, so instead of just submitting the cover letter and resume you've painstakingly constructed (and probably having to alter those), you have to type a paragraph long answer for each of the questions, amounting to at least another page or two you have to generate every. single. time.

I work in IT and essentially every job app had a questionnaire.

That way when you get a job you feel like you've won some sort of dystopian lotto and are just happy you aren't starving in a gutter. Feels intentional.

I once send single empty page pdf file and during call hr assumed their pdf viewer was broken. I haven't denied it.

Please find attached my AI generated resume in response to your AI generated job listing.

Then your cover letter should say that.

"I noticed you need workers and have money. What a coincidence, I have work and need money. Trade?"

And that's why I'm still unemployed!

I’ve had to eat a whole bus tire in a job interview.

funny story: once i sent a generic cover letter to a bunch of entry-level jobs. one responded that i didn't tailor the cover letter to the position, so i changed the title and sent them the same cover letter. they didn't respond lol

If I thought anyone was going to read it, I would feel less bad about writing them.

'hey losers. looks like you need shit to get done. hire me or stay sucking. peace out'

(actually i'm contemplating falsely applying to jobs i have no intention of actually seeking and literally using this as my cover letter just to see if anything funny happens...)
(i like the job i already have)

Why ARE cover letters still a thing??

But how will they know that you want the job?