Post on Lemmy, obviously.
this post was submitted on 30 Aug 2026
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Um, are you ok, OP?
Tech bros and crypto bros move over. This new silicon valley trend will have you shitting your pants...
OP going rogue
Leave. Straight up irish goodbye. There’ll be more parties if you don’t have a rep for literally smelling like shit. Toss the underwear on the way home.
I don't care if I don’t have a ride or how far I would have to walk. Just start walking. Hell, I'm not even worried about being abducted, cause I already shit myself
I'm just picturing walking home and a van pulls up. Guys with guns jump out and scream "get in the van!"
"whats that smell?" and you reply "I shit my pants"
"forget it, get out. We'll find someone else who isn't covered in their shit... And we'll send you the bill for cleaning our seat!"
I'm surprised this isn't the only answer.
To paraphrase Mike Tyson, everyone has a plan until they shit their own pants.
I've heard a story about this after party where things were getting a bit raunchy and at some point they where sitting naked on the couch. Apparently one of the guys kind of shit himself and he decided to just not move an inch. When everyone else took a smoke break, he left the party and with that an accompanying shit stain in the couch.
Needless to say that he didn't really get any new invites after that
I would have stole the cushion tbh
Ngl that would've been the better choice
Steal the cushion, wash it at home, bring it back pretending it was some kind of weird drunk prank, no one would be the wiser
I mean, if bro returned my cushion all fresh and clean and apologized for shitting on it I'd be like damn this motherfucker is responsible
Fine Shart 👩🍳
This didn't happen to me.
Imagine OP in the broom closet with shit-stained pants while the party's roaring outside
"Please respond asap."
They're gonna be roaring at ol' Poopy Pants the moment they realize what happened.
Do you also need to know how to get a small cylinder unstuck from an M&Ms tube?
It isn't that small...
Or else it wouldnt be stuck
Well, if I was Donald Trump, I'd blame Biden.
Depends how drunk and if I maybe have a chance with making out.
First instinct would be go to restroom, remove my underwear and throw them in the trashcan, wipe myself and use any fragrance I can find. Next grab a beer and say someone threw their dirty underwear in the bathroom trash.
Until they line everyone up for underwear inspection.
PHD Damn you got it figured out. 🤣
Insufficient information for meaningful answer. Are we talking full on mud volcano here, or are we talking about an unwelcome fart nugget?
For the latter, the nugget's going in the toilet, I'm scrubbing my undies with toilet paper as best I can and then I'm leaving ASAP because I no longer trust my lower gastrointestinal tract. Yes, I'd continue to wear them. No I wouldn't use water. I don't like going commando and I'm not going to wear soggy undies for the sake of a nugget.
For the former, I'd probably get to and then hide in the bathroom and do whatever I could to clean myself up. Probably try not to cry. If alcohol's involved, fail at that (though I didn't start drinking until 18, so this is moot). Soggy clothing no longer optional.
Then I make an escape checking for any trails I might have left from ground zero to the bathroom on the return journey to the way out. I may take the coward's way out and not claim any knowledge, but I'd be convinced that people would know it was me, and there's a good chance I'd be right.
But I know I'd want out of there ASAP.
Quietly make an exit unannounced and then throw out everything if you drive on a clean side.
Drop shit in toilet, wash underwear in sink, hair dryer underwear dry, and continue to party like a professional alcoholic
...or someone with IBS.....
If you wring them out real good they're basically just sweaty level of moist anyway.
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Hop in the shower, steal some pants from a drawer.
The host recognizes that leopard print pantsuit as their mothers and begins to attack.
Good first step. I'd probs also prewash the undies in the shower, bin them after, and, if possible, get back into my own clothes going commando.
If I'm with a friend I trust, have them stage a bit of horseplay and play it off like we got wet being crazy in the bathroom. Go back to the party.
Haha yeah me and the bro were just getting wet in the bathroom for funsies. Like all my homies do at parties haha totally. We’re all doing it bro let’s get wet in the bathroom bro.
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Take off your pants, and use the shit to write an apology letter on the wall... Then leave the house with no pants on, clutching the poop. Remember to put dots of shit behind you just in case you get lost on your way home, or if that hot person at the party wants to follow you home. Your sent is strong, I'm quite sure someone will be motivated enough to follow the obvious signs of seduction you're dripping.
Found Kaitlin Bennett'a alt account
Take a shower and wash the pants in the shower. Shit is water-soluble, that is to say it can dissolve in water. I think there may be some oil in it but it soups wash out. What doesn’t go down the shower drain, move by hand to the toilet and wash your hands.
Now you have wet pants. In the northern hemisphere it’s still summer, so they should dry relatively quickly outside. Play it off somehow. Be the guy or gal who fell in the pool.
Tl;dr jumped in pool with pants shid
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sorry that ~~definitely didn't~~ happened to you op! /jk
Step 1 is make sure that doesn't happen to you.
Try to deshittify on the toilet as much as possible, then go home
Go home?
I permanent marker "BUY BITCOIN" on my entire shit smelling body as many times as I can as fast as I can expecting the time stream to put me back to being 39 years old any second.
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