this post was submitted on 12 Oct 2026
575 points (96.9% liked)

Not The Onion

22681 readers
843 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Wispy2891@lemmy.world 31 points 16 hours ago (3 children)

I refuse to believe that's actually truth and not some BS from a professional bullshitter like the palantir cto

[–] aceshigh@lemmy.world 6 points 15 hours ago

They hid their smoking and now smoke openly.

[–] Avicenna@programming.dev 3 points 15 hours ago

It is not even a good one. Is this really the most convincing argument the CTO of one of the most aggressive tech companies can come up with? Are these people just facades because with mental skills like this I don't think they can even run a lemonade stand. What even makes them useful, connections? Willingness to sacrifice their humanity for profit? A never ending obedience to shareholders?

[–] Madison420@lemmy.world 1 points 14 hours ago

I mean I fully believe they don't understand cause and effect and that curing something down the road doesn't prevent irreparable harm in the mean time.

[–] yuknowhokat@lemmy.world 18 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

Taking up smoking because they expect cancer to be cured in the future is like deciding to purposely crash your car because you know that broken bones can heal

james spader was so hot in that movie

[–] whotookkarl@lemmy.dbzer0.com 22 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (1 children)

Article quotes 1 CEO, one of their own "journalists", and 0 labor leaders

Also he fails to name one noted in the article but they went ahead and published it anyways because fuck journalism I guess. He is lying, business insider has never been a reputable source for news

[–] subverted_per@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 16 hours ago

Journalism is dead at pretty much all the major news outlets. Its bought and paid for slop that maybe has a human editor if it's important enough to the wealthy prick that paid for it.

[–] thedeadwalking4242@lemmy.world 20 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Cure cancer? Which type? It's not one disease, that's the entire problem you stupid fucks.

[–] InFerNo@lemmy.ml 4 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Lung cancer probably, just an educated guess

[–] OriginalTangle@feddit.org 1 points 3 hours ago

Which is only one of the several cancers caused by smoking, albeit a difficult one to treat.

[–] inclementimmigrant@lemmy.world 24 points 18 hours ago (1 children)
[–] innermachine@lemmy.world 10 points 18 hours ago

Just another out to lunch article trying to hype ai and keep it on the forefront.

[–] h0tbeef@lemmy.zip 6 points 15 hours ago

I’d be more convinced if they intentionally contracted AIDS because they were confident in their slop machine.

… I still wouldn’t use their products, but I’d believe that they believe the word guesser machine might cure cancer

[–] glimse@lemmy.world 8 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

So many people in this thread...You're the facebook boomer who believes every "Kids are doing [X] because if viral tiktok trend!"

(No offense to OP, this is a perfect headline for the community)

[–] Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 9 points 18 hours ago

"So many AI researchers have started smoking as a way of signaling to other researchers how much they believe in AI," Sankar said in an interview on CBS News' "Face the Nation" on Sunday.

This is the first clue that's it BS. I would like to believe that the techbros are doing it, but techbros aren't "AI researchers." They actually know the limits to their work. If Shyam Sankar wont name names, it's not happening. At least not in any appreciable numbers.

[–] Wirlocke@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 17 hours ago

They might as well just die, after all god-grok will resurrect them right?

[–] cley_faye@lemmy.world 7 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Natural selection was somewhat curbed with modern science advancement. I'm glad* to see it making a comeback.

* actually no, that's terrible

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 7 points 17 hours ago

Cuba developed a lung cancer vaccine way back in 2015. The US began clinical trials in 2016, which are now in Phase II development as of 2023. I don't think it's crazy to say that we will make lung cancer a treatable condition in our lifetimes.

But that's not going to save you from the rapid onset aging, the yellow fingers, the foul breath, the ridiculous expense of modern cigarettes, or the fact that they taste like shit.

Take up Russian Roulette.

There's still a five-in-six chance nothing happens. Cigarettes make you disgusting to be around 100% of the time, guaranteed.

[–] lemmy_outta_here@lemmy.world 10 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

The timeline on lung cancer is too long. I want faster progress.

Take up Russian Roulette.

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 4 points 18 hours ago

America is the home of Gun Care and Health Control, so it makes sense to put the emphasis on Russian Roulette, which has the added advantage of honoring the 2nd Amendment.

[–] slaacaa@lemmy.world 45 points 1 day ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] WizardofFrobozz@lemmy.ca 40 points 1 day ago (1 children)

"Sankar did not name any researchers or provide evidence for the claim."

Cool. Excellent thing to write a news article about, Business Insider.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] tigermountain@lemmy.world 4 points 18 hours ago

One of the funniest things I've read in a while.

[–] Hueristic_Autistic@lemmy.world 18 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (10 children)

Cancer isn't the only thing to worry about with cigarettes here's my experience :

I quit cigarettes for the second time when COVID happened. I haven't touched a cigarette in almost 8 years.

My sex drive was destroyed, bringing up the laundry wasnt easy, bringing my groceries up the stairs wasn't easy, I couldn't bike the miles I can now; My TMJ was going nuts, my breath smelt like shit, my teeth were being destroyed not just yellowing but actual tooth loss and pain, the amount of arguments that I think I spawned just to have a cigarette, the amount of emotional indifference it causes because you're never truly dealing with anything you're just smoking instead of dealing with whatever the fuck is going on and actually solving life problems is also fucked up.

And man are they stupidly addictive, like there's no possible way to buy a pack of Natural American Spirits and go, "I'm only gonna smoke once a week," trust me I've been there and it's impossible to just be like "I'm only gonna do this when I....." because you will want it again and even if you don't them, they might want you and that's the worst.

It's the absolute worst!!!! 15$/pack too like what the fuck!!!!! There's never gonna come a day where cancer research will outweigh the facts that cigarettes will destroy you. There's over 5,000 chemicals in one cigarette too, it's not just nicotine and tobacco, it's rat poison and arsenics.

load more comments (10 replies)
[–] bashibazouk@lemmy.world 3 points 18 hours ago

But is AI going to cure addiction as well?

[–] Cocodapuf@lemmy.world 3 points 18 hours ago

Smoke it up friend, really knock yourself out.

[–] mcv@friendica.opensocial.space 123 points 1 day ago (13 children)

"A cure for cancer" is such a magical nonsense phrase. We can already cure a lot of cancers. There are tons of people living healthy lives after surviving cancer. And we know more and more about how to prevent it (like not smoking). But they want magic.

Even bigger nonsense is the claim that AI will solve global warming. We already know the solution to global warming. We're just not doing anything with it, because of destructive business interests.

load more comments (13 replies)
[–] Alfredolin@sopuli.xyz 12 points 1 day ago

Yeah sure Palantir CTO Shyam Sankar, I believe you 100%.

[–] fodor@lemmy.zip 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Do they promise? Do they also promise to never spend healthcare money on lung cancer? And will they promise to smoke far away from us so we never have to smell that s***?

Somehow I bet they won't make those promises. Because they're liars. Because that whole field is built on lying. Vaporware can't make anything real, ever, than the people who actually do the software development are keenly aware of that fact.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] paraproto@szmer.info 12 points 1 day ago

Become dependent on ____ and pay ____ companies for ____.

  • LLMs, AI, tokens
  • nicotine, tobacco, cigarettes
[–] jan@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 19 hours ago

Carry around plutonium cowards.

[–] parlaptie@feddit.org 9 points 1 day ago

How to start a vice and turn it into a marketing stunt

[–] FE80@lemmy.world 5 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

This industry Darwinning itself would be an amazing way for it to end.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Vreyan31@reddthat.com 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

This is less "omg these guys who work crazy hours are making something incredible"

and more "these guys who work crazy hours have made up a new justification for their age-old legal stimulant addiction"

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Devial@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago* (last edited 22 hours ago)

What're the chances of convincing them to take back up Radium as cure all, since the cancer they'll get will totally be cuted hy AI anyway ? We might be able to solve this whole AI issue in a few years

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 171 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Not beating those cult accusations, are they?

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] CluelessCalls@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago

Smoke more you pieces of shit

[–] nullspace@lemmy.world 37 points 1 day ago

This is fantastic news.

[–] RabbitBBQ@lemmy.world 60 points 1 day ago (1 children)
  1. Create a machine that sometimes predicts the next word correctly
  2. Mass psychosis
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›