this post was submitted on 02 Nov 2026
43 points (93.9% liked)
Parenting
3544 readers
147 users here now
A place to talk about parenting.
Be respectful of others' parenting decisions.
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
This might sound crude, but maybe teach him self defence and to hit back. They are both children. It's not like a grown man hitting a woman. His self esteem needs to be repaired. At the least put him in karate class. Even with a class change he will remember the abuse. He needs to overcome it to restore his pride.
They're in kindergarten. Teaching to hit back shouldn't be so highly upvoted. Teaching boys to hit girls isn't going to repair his self esteem or his pride.
Unless you're suggesting teaching kindergarten girls to hit boys will repair their self esteem or pride, im not sure why it's necessary to make gender a variable here.
I didn’t make gender a variable, the parent comment that I replied to did.
Kindergarteners shouldn’t be taught to hit back.
You know what? that's fair.
I entirely missed that comment, my bad.
I don't think idealism against the idea of violence is the answer, given..you know....people, but i'm all for not making it the first port of call.
Unfortunately, we need to know how to defend ourselves from physical violence, no matter who is dealing it out.
Having been bullied in school myself, I can also attest that it only stopped when I started fighting back.
They’re 4 years old.
So four year olds shouldn't defend themselves from physical violence?
They should be taught how to resolve conflict without hitting.
Based on what I've read here, I think that's been tried and doesn't work. Until it does, that four year old gets to go out in the world with fear, with the adults around seeming to be unable or unwilling to help.
When my kids were younger, and had these very same troubles, I told them what I was doing that they might not have been able to see, and that they shouldn't start a fight but they had every right to finish one, and that I'd stand behind them if it came to that.
Just having the confidence that they could defend themselves in the moment helped a lot.
Sending a 4 year old out with the message that they can alleviate their fear by being violent only breeds more violence.
I wish I lived in the ideal world that you live in.
If they were 12 you might have a point, but at 5 kids are still malleable enough that teaching nonviolent conflict resolution is realistic and can have lasting impact
I previously mentioned that that's not working. Or if it's "going to take time" , the kid is getting punched on the regular until then.
Yes, kids should learn to seek nonviolent solutions. They should also be taught not to allow other people to abuse them. Stopping or preventing such abuse may well require the judicious use of violence or the legitimate threat of it.
The world where girls and women are raped at extremely high rates by men? By violent men? By men that are taught that they can restore their pride and self-esteem by enacting violence on others?
Yeah, come live in this world with me.
I've never said anything about gender here.
The original commentator that you're defending did.
Okay so let's imagine it was a four year old girl getting bullied by a five year old boy. My position would be the same.
She shouldn't be taught to hit back either! They're 4 years old
Again, in an ideal world you would be right. But that's not the world we live in. Yes, seek nonviolent solutions first. But pacifism only tells the bad people that they can abuse you with impunity.
Which is exactly what's happening.
They are 4 years old
They are being punched.
And the teachers need to do something about that. Teaching this little boy to hit back when he's scared isn't going to solve the problem you think it is. It's going to cause more problems for that boy in his life.
Right now he's being taught that hitting kids is okay because someone is hitting him and nothing is being done about it.
You're right. He should just tell her that it makes him feel bad when she does that. That'll work.
The adults need to take more action.
It probably would work because small children are incredibly empathetic when you communicate effectively. They understand boo-boos and that they don’t like to be hit, so they shouldn’t hit. It takes patience and consistency. Something that violent people don’t have much practice in.
Patience and consistency and getting hit all the time while you wait.
5.5yo
Ok 5 years old. That doesn’t change my point at all.
Personally, I'm in favor of karate because I think it could help my child block and avoid physical attacks. Plus the confidence of being able to handle a fight without panicking.
Martial arts isn't always about escalating with more violence. Plus my son isn't violent and won't be punching anyone anytime soon, but being able to dodge/block is very cool.
I fully agree that teachers should handle this, but they aren't.
Martial arts taught me how to block my abusers' strikes, and it teaches to manage the body's stress response and channel it into action - even if that action is "I have the power to not punch first"
Karate is a great extracurricular. They aren't going to teach him to hit back to restore his pride or self-esteem like the other user pushed though. They'll help him build his self-esteem internally which will help with his emotional resilience.
The flip side is teaching him that he can't fight back when he's physically attacked and teachers aren't helping isn't great
Then pull him from the daycare if the director and the teachers refuse to protect your son.
Why aren't you pressing the adults for more action here? Are you content to let them just be looped in and do nothing to protect your son?
Kindergarten is legally mandated and options are scarce. Plus a bunch of other mitigating circumstances
What does the director and teachers tell you about how they’re handling the situation?
They say they are talking to the bully's parents and monitoring the situation
I would press them for more intervention. Separate the kids when they're playing, watching them more closely, time outs for the instigator. Make it clear this is unacceptable moving forward and that it is impacting your son's ability to participate at school.
Yes, please. "Fixing" someone by teaching them to practice violence has never solved anyone's problems in life. It'll just turn them into a person who also thinks violence is an adequate means. Pretty much like that other girl who obiously also learned violence gets her something. And currently they seem to be smarter than that, you don't want to drag them down and turn them into some potential bully as well?!
I mean first of all it's the adults responsibility to fix this situation. They have to because it's unacceptable and it's their job. And furthermore, this should be about stopping(!) kids punching other kids, not add more punching to the mix. We really don't need more violence on this world and in future society.
(And lastly this isn't even what they teach in karate club. Karate isn't about fighting other people. It's about personal growth and about you yourself.)