this post was submitted on 12 May 2024
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Parishioners Report Priest for Saying Jesus Died With Erection (www.thedailybeast.com)
submitted 5 months ago by jeffw@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
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[–] MataVatnik@lemmy.world 80 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I mean, if we are going to get technical he probably also shat himself too.

[–] MrVilliam@lemmy.world 40 points 5 months ago (1 children)

His last words may have been something akin to "oh fuck, don't look! Nobody'd better mention this part in my biography!"

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago

"Dont put this on the white girl necklace pendants!"

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 3 points 5 months ago

Eloi Eloi, lama sabacthani

[–] kaklerbitmap@lemmy.world 41 points 5 months ago (1 children)

He is risen

[–] FenrirIII@lemmy.world 25 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Jesus was hung on a cross

[–] RGB3x3@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago

Jesus wasn't hanged, but he sure was hung.

[–] zloubida@lemmy.world 39 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Denying that Jesus probably had an erection on the cross is a negation of the human nature of Christ, thus an heresy.

[–] gregorum@lemm.ee 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)

an heresy

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

an heresy

[–] bingbong@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 5 months ago

an heresy

[–] eran_morad@lemmy.world 31 points 5 months ago

I hope i go out with a stiffy

[–] ryan213@lemmy.ca 23 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Died with an erection or are the parishioners unable to get an erection anymore because Jesus took it away from them??

[–] jeffw@lemmy.world 35 points 5 months ago (2 children)

It’s a sin to get an erection, so Jesus took the burden and got the hardest cock you’ve ever seen.

[–] ryan213@lemmy.ca 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)

No wonder Mary Magdalene (??) got along so well with him.

[–] Thaurin@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

We’re really getting into Game of Thrones territory now…

[–] PhineaZ@feddit.de 4 points 5 months ago

It's not about seeing the holy cock, it's about feeling it

[–] friend_of_satan@lemmy.world 23 points 5 months ago (1 children)

And it took him 3 days to rise again, so was probably also suffering from ED.

[–] HWK_290@lemmy.world 14 points 5 months ago

The Res-erection of Christ

[–] Bluefalcon@discuss.tchncs.de 15 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Now that's a Jesus that can get behind me....... I mean I can get behind!

[–] SPRUNT@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Jesus is a switch?

[–] Bluefalcon@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved.[a] They will come in and go out, and find pasture. John 10:9

[–] Passerby6497@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

They will come in and go out,

Giggidy

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago

Jesus is a checkbox

[–] andrew_bidlaw@sh.itjust.works 13 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Did he has enough blood to form a bonner?

[–] cabron_offsets@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

[–] andrew_bidlaw@sh.itjust.works 3 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I can't see it. Is it a picture?

[–] cabron_offsets@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Really short video. Huh, works for me.

[–] andrew_bidlaw@sh.itjust.works 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

That's on me, probs. All combinations of client\web and regular\VPN show a blank line with no content though. Can you drop a link to what you've embedded here?

[–] Bonehead@kbin.social 8 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Angel lust is a common phenomenon. This is not entirely implausible.

[–] essell@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I think the real question here is whether Jesus died with an erection or died from an erection.

Did he ride a donkey or ride like a donkey?

[–] MxM111@kbin.social 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I don’t know how to answer your question about the donkey, but the cross was erected.

[–] squid_slime@lemm.ee 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)

So Jesus died on an erection?

[–] MxM111@kbin.social 2 points 5 months ago

That’s technically correct.

[–] unreachable@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

flag with erection

[–] Starkstruck@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago

they hated him for speaking the truth

[–] saint@group.lt 0 points 5 months ago

This is what you get when are not sleeping during biology classes.