this post was submitted on 24 Nov 2024
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[–] lath@lemmy.world 186 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Sounds like a red flag with a white circle and a black symbol within. But also romantic. They're not mutually exclusive.

As some say, romance is death...

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 62 points 1 month ago (1 children)

She's probably great in bed. The crazy ones always are.

[–] teft@lemmy.world 52 points 1 month ago (6 children)

To all you younglings out there reading this, crazy chicks are fun but they will ruin your life.

Never stick your dick in crazy.

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 26 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Truth. There's often no safe exit strategy either. Once the deed is done, you are in grave danger.

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[–] TSG_Asmodeus@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago

To all you bi/gay/etc younglings out there, never get stuck with crazy dick.

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[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 17 points 1 month ago (2 children)

You mean the ancient far eastern peace symbol? So romantic.

[–] MelastSB@sh.itjust.works 15 points 1 month ago

The Windmill of Friendship also boosts love!

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[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 127 points 1 month ago (5 children)

RED FLAG.

No sane person does things like that.

[–] 667@lemmy.radio 66 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Absolutely insane.

Just get a tattoo of their name like the rest of us.

[–] steal_your_face@lemmy.ml 16 points 1 month ago

Preferably a face tattoo

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[–] dingdongitsabear@lemmy.ml 107 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Obligatory "this some young people shit".

Young people do and say stupid shit to come off as edgy and the vast majority of them don't actually mean it and regret it later in life.

As to your question, that's why you date people, to see if they're good, for you and otherwise. You don't go "red flag!" -> napalm!!!, you evaluate contexts and repeat occurrences of perceived wrongs.

[–] Blum0108@lemmy.world 28 points 1 month ago

That being said, it's a huge red flag and you don't need a repeat occurrence to end the relationship.

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Sure, but this is also a weird miscommunication. Why do this crazy trust exercise when you can instead have honest conversations? This sounds like the relationship is going to be based on proving yourself to the other instead of genuinely getting to know them.

If I received this, I'd show them me deleting it from all my devices and ask them to never do anything like that again, because you never know what could be exposed in a breach. I'd also tell them if any of that was genuine, we would need to end the relationship.

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[–] hissingmeerkat@sh.itjust.works 91 points 1 month ago

A red flag.

Sharing dangerous ideas with somebody to show that you think they are safe is an honest signal of trust, but only if the dangerous ideas are genuine.

Someone who attempts to buy trust disingenuously is not to be trusted.

Someone who thinks in terms of kompromat and manipulation is dangerous to be around.

[–] superkret@feddit.org 72 points 1 month ago (4 children)

This is kinda unhinged in my opinion.
But then again, I grew up before social media, maybe this is the ultimate proof of love now? I don't know.

Anyway, putting herself completely at your mercy is not a good start into a healthy, mutually respectful relationship.

Either unhinged or brain rotted from a steady diet of Tiktok videos. Or both.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

Ya, maybe this isn't her first time either...

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[–] Atlas_@lemmy.world 64 points 1 month ago (2 children)

First, 100% a red flag. Even if they wanted to give some sort of "I trust you with my life" sort of video, there's a bunch of better ways to do it. Going for a racist rant makes me think that they're a racist.

Secondly, this is deeply submissive - they're giving you the power to ruin their life. If you want to do that sort of stuff as a couple you should really talk about it first and be on board with receiving that sort of power and responsibility. Entirely possible+reasonable for the receiver to find this shitty because they don't want to make a choice like this, especially if these are truly held beliefs.

The healthy response to this is to send them to a therapist. And definitely dump them if they're actually racist.

[–] Clent@lemmy.world 12 points 1 month ago (7 children)

I don't see how someone could do a racist rant and not be racist. That it is a rant is an important word here.

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 month ago (6 children)

Have you never heard of acting?

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[–] reddwarf@feddit.nl 42 points 1 month ago

I have a fleeting suspicion that this girl now thinks, because of her own action, she can do this to you now as well. OP, be careful what you share with her because ruining someones life is an option in her book...

[–] underwire212@lemm.ee 39 points 1 month ago

She is treating the relationship and trust as transactional. No bueno.

[–] greedytacothief@lemmy.world 38 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Red flag. Bad opsec. I wouldn't trust someone who trusts me.

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The question that leaps to my mind is why would that idea have occurred to her in the first place?

[–] boreengreen@lemm.ee 33 points 1 month ago

Sounds like she is making a "joke" in poor taste while also fishing for your take on the things she is joking about.

or perhaps it's something sexual. Power imbalance Idk.

[–] Zoomboingding@lemmy.world 32 points 1 month ago (1 children)

ITT: Everyone taking a shitpost from reddit posted to Funny@sh.itjust.works seriously

Also: both romantic and a red flag

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[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 32 points 1 month ago
[–] shoulderoforion@fedia.io 25 points 1 month ago (3 children)

They say never stick your dick in crazy, but from my experience, that's where the best stuff is, but you gotta know, there's a shelf life to flirting with insanity, you gotta know when to get out, or else you're just in for life changing pain. This sounds a bit outside comfort levels for me, and I'd be looking for the out door.

[–] Biskii@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 1 month ago

I'd be looking for the out door.

She literally gave it to him

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[–] oleorun@real.lemmy.fan 21 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Bright, shining, blinking, scrolling, red LED-illuminated flags m'dude.

She needs some therapy on boundaries and impulse control by the sound of it. Then again I'm going off a 5 second read and not a lifetime of experience so I am conceding that I do not know anything for certain.

I would say 'hey, out of respect for you I am deleting this video, thanks for the gift, please get me a gift card to XYZ next time'. But yeah, first time? Give her the pass. If it happens again, GTFO.

[–] CitizenKong@lemmy.world 17 points 1 month ago

She probably just has a blackmail fetish.

[–] Rooskie91@discuss.online 16 points 1 month ago

Sounds like a scene from Get Out lol.

[–] fraksken@infosec.pub 15 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (5 children)

Relationships are no jokes. Neither is racism. Depending on how I feel about her, the video might leak. I would certainly not stay.

Big red flag to me.

Edit: I have broadened my mind. I had not considdered receiving such a video from somebody whom of I am certain has no racist mind at all.

In that case I would reciprocate by deleting the footage.

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[–] FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org 14 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Why is this posted in the funny community?

[–] treadful@lemmy.zip 13 points 1 month ago

A tradition alive since time began on Reddit. Nothing funny can be posted on the funny community.

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[–] fodderoh@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago

Maybe she's secretly hoping he'll use it to sexually blackmail her. That is a kink some people have.

[–] Stern@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] NastyNative@mander.xyz 12 points 1 month ago

Have confidence in the credibility of what she is expressing in those videos.

[–] Jimmycrackcrack@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Sounds romantically intended with some really fucked up and distorted ideas mixed in. I'll take as given that she doesn't actually hold any of the racism she expressed as sincere beliefs. Part of you twigged that though she seemed to be trying to be nice in a really weird way, something seemed off and it is a bit off. If you imagine she mailed you a knife and a key to her house and said now you have the power to attack me and I'm vulnerable you'd probably see much more clearly and obviously how unromantic and off-putting and psychotic that is despite following a very similar logic.

In both these scenarios she's putting her life in your hands to demonstrate trust, but there's an implicit suggestion there that you would or could ever do something like that and only don't because of your undying devotion. There's a kind of twisted view of humanity there that that ruining someone's life on purpose with kompromat is something people generally do to one another but for the power love to zovercome it. It's sort of a red flag that she might think that way but really you know her better than any of us and also whether you think she's good for you. That she decided this would be a good idea and a nice birthday gift is disturbing enough that it's probably worth bringing up though. I think if it was me I'd probably express appreciation for the sentiment but also delete the video and tell them I had done so. Unfortunately you could never prove that you have deleted it so her messed up little game will always work in the manner that she intended but the extent to which this is something to worry about long term is something you can evaluate from her reaction to this news and your explanation of why it didn't feel right. Sometimes people do dumb shit, especially when they think they've spotted an opportunity for comedy and can't see their actions in a different light until after they've done the stupid thing. There's a chance here for this stupid thing to be a memory between just the two of you that neither of you has to worry about again so long as you point out that it wasn't as romantic as she thought it was and also delete whatever email or communication was used to send the video plus the video itself. If she's able to feel a bit embarrassed and move on you're probably fine, if she digs in and gets offended and tries to play similar fucked up games, then you might want to consider getting out before things escalate.

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[–] NutWrench@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I think a bot is Karma farming by asking stupid questions. "Should I hit myself in the nuts with a mallet? Is sulphuric acid safe to drink? Should < horrible red flag behavior in a partner > be a cause for concern?"

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[–] disguy_ovahea@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Personally, I’d delete it in case relationship took a turn for the worse. I wouldn’t want to be tempted to ruin someone’s life out of jealousy or a broken heart.

I see both sides. As off-putting as it is, the intent of showing complete trust and vulnerability should not be overlooked. Maybe just ask them to dial it back to a less offensive method of demonstration.

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[–] SpiceDealer@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

Cut off all communication with this girl, now!

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