Ask Lemmy

I'm not against polyamory, but I find it never works out when somebody decides to open up a previously monogamous relationship.

A (former) close friend of mine got engaged a few years back, and then his fiancé brought a third into the relationship and they became a throuple. That relationship lasted maybe another year or two, until she called off the engagement several days after his mother passed away, and left him for the other guy while he was grieving.

Found out sometime later that the third she brought into their relationship was actually her cousin, so there was definitely some Sweet Home Alabama crap going on.

Another friend of mine tried to commit suicide recently after getting dumped. Her relationship with her boyfriend of ~2 years had been rocky to say the least. They broke up, got back together, etc quite a few times, but the most recent breakup was after he brought a third into the relationship, then allegedly found out she was texting a guy and dumped her on the spot.

I've been polyamorous since 1999, it hasn't been an issue. I'm currently only with one partner (by choice) but she also has a girlfriend which is fine. Sometimes she brings her boyfriend and we all do stuff together. We are having a BBQ this weekend at my house.

I have had more relationships after my marriage than before.

We kind of slipped into it. We always maintained an open relationship in terms of communication. With the arrival of our children we found it harder to pursue our kinkier side with each other so we decided to try it with other people.

My wife was first. She signed up with BDSM communities, went on dates and went to munches. Eventually I decided I wanted to try that as well. As my first test I signed up to the same site and messaged her without revealing myself. I convinced her to try a date with me with only one simple message. Rizzing the person you love feels good.

Anyways, going on dates with the knowledge and consent of your partner makes it so much easier than having to conceal them and making up lies. No idea how people do this.

Relationships we formed were similar to other relationships. Some worked, some didn't. Most ended amicably, some didn't. Of course we sought out people who seemed to be ok with the arrangement.

The pandemic mostly put an end to that and by now life doesn't leave us enough time or energy to go on. But we do not regret that time. Still keep lose contact with the people we met. Our own relationship is stronger than ever. And we'll see what the future holds.

I used to date my Dungeon Master (Dungeons and Dragons, not anything weird) and one of her friends she grew up with. The relationship was pretty brief, but she was really good at emphasizing communication between all of us. The breakup didn't even really feel like a breakup.

A couple years ago, she died in a car wreck with one of the players in my group and even though we weren't dating at the time, it made it harder for me to get back into the dating scene after the relationship I had around that time ended shortly after. I briefly got back with the other person I dated, but it wasn't the same and they weren't poly anymore.

If I was in a relationship right now and got over it better, I'd definitely be poly. It felt really normal.

Was convinced into one by (what seemed like at the time) a fairly cool lady who was married, husband had his own couple girlfriends, was an open marriage all above board, I thought I'd broaden my horizons and see how it went. She had no one outside the marriage and it quickly became VERY apparent why, hoo boy was that woman a horrible horrible person when she wasn't pretending to be likeable. Never gonna mess around with that again, monogamy or nothing for me.

Sometimes my wife's boyfriend lets me play his Nintendo Switch

It worked out great when I was in relationships with people who weren't monogamous. Didn't work out so great when someone was playing pretend and trying to play "last partner standing".

It will only ever work out if you, and your partners, are polyamorous and it is super important to have those conversations early so everyone is on the same page.

I dated twins once, it was fascinating. It was like they had a right brain/left brain split. One was very buttoned up and professional, the other very unrestrained and wild. One was right handed, the other left handed.

They would often say the same things at the same time, it was like having conversations in stereo. We had tons of fun, but had been put together for work from two different offices. Eventually that ended, but it was fun while it lasted!

The main takeaway for me was that it's possible but that it takes a lot more open communication and emotional availability than a monogamous relationship. It really takes very mature people to make it work.

It was great until my wife and girlfriend decided that they didn't like each other.