Entrepreneur

Dump her. Next?

Maybe she’s more use to failing or has anxiety? It could be valuable to have someone that sees all the problems before they arise but her timing does sound off.

Just lead by example… harder with no support though but can make you more determined to succeed if you can get your head around it and just keep trying until you get there :)

Show proof of success! 1 sale or something. She may think it’s all talk and no action

If she's posing questions just to shut down your ideas, that's not nice, and let her know. Get her to jot her questions down - utilise her "pragmatism" - then formulate answers to her questions. This will serve you in the practical steps of making your dreams a reality. It will help you become solutions focused or ask if she'd like to offer some solutions to your questions. If you don't want her involved, don't share your ideas. I wouldn't encourage the latter because it doesn't promote a healthy relationship. Not everyone is built for everything. If she's risk-averse, you can't change that overnight, but don't put your dreams on hold altogether.

Just remember marriage doesn’t make you happy. Marriage makes you married.

Just randomly found this quote "In most cases, having a devil's advocate on your team is essential for success"

Some big company CEO I heard likes to do this, criticizing a proposal like crazy to see if the presenter can hold on and pass. Otherwise the proposal will not be approved.

Statistics says that on average women makes higher profit in investing. Men take higher risk, on average more failures, while big success would go to men as you need to take risk to have opportunity for big success.

Best to leave half family asset to your wife and you take the other half (assuming your wife is not making more than you) to risk without taking on debt. If you fail, your family would still be OK. Have the agreement with your wife about this approach first. I assume she will be OK with that. Your wife takes the low risk route while you take the high risk high return route.

couple of things

1. women tend to be hardwired for certain things, one thing that tends to go along with creating a nest, and things they find attractive in a partner would be some level of security. alot of women may be looking to the future saying "this crazy son of a bitch is making all these crazy risks while Im trying to settle down and maybe make a family or have some form of security, what if he starts a business and loses it all when we have kids?" especially when a woman is more dependent on her man. now this is a generalization. maybe your girl doesnt even want any of that, but.. alot of times women serve as the "voice of reason"

2. she may be way more risk averse than you

3. it can be hard for other people to see the vision, sometimes much more concrete plans give confidence, like a business plan

also, have you talked to her about this? communication solves alot or might help get you on the same page

If everything you have read or watched tells you to “just start and figure out problems later”, not only should you be listening to your wife but you should ask her for suggestions on what to read and watch.

My wife's been my biggest supporter and I would not be in Vegas rn on my investors dollar all expenses paid if I gave up.

Took 3 years of grueling work to get here. First time I've been "paid".

Wish she was here with me. Some people aren't cut out for the risk/reward factor.

Go ahead and fire her. Youre going in a different direction

If not, tell her that hey, im going to be pursuing these and i dont want you to be pragmatic right now. I know there are risks, and many ways this wont work out, and many ways this will work out. If you dknt pursue your dream you are already dead. Theres positive things ti say and see future, and negative things to say and see future. So can you give me positive ones? Ill ask you for more realistic pragmatic looks later when i want it

Couples counseling.

It can be a communication skills issue. How an idea is expressed is valuable. Knowing you're with each other is key. She could genuinely be just looking out for you, but expressing it in a way that you're not ready to hear. And... as a fellow entrepreneur, I am sensitive to any brakes on my ideas- probably too sensitive.

You'll also need the skill to clearly communicate that you hear her and value her feedback, though you might make a different decision.

One of you will always be more or less of something compared to the other. Imagine the space is smaller and you're usually on the same side overall. At least on the same team.

Imagine everything she says is in deep love for and with you. Like your parents. Probably forgive your parents too. And see how the advice can make your ideas better. As long as the advice isn't personal and you aren't enmeshed in your ideas, feedback at home is for the best! e.g. She can hate your idea, but it's neither expressed nor perceived as, "You're an idiot for having that idea." Same with, "I hear you don't like this idea [and I understand this doesn't make you a dream-killing strumpet]"

My husband and I may cheer each other on TOO much. We both decided to be entrepreneurs at the same time. Things were going great and we quit our jobs. Things slowed down for a month- no biggie... 2 months, starting to stress and find other sources for income... 3 months, getting behind on bills, etc. Eventually we started figuring things out and making them work and it's getting a lot better (although still not out of the side hustle phase). I said all that to say make sure you have plenty of money saved and won't struggle financially if things go south. Even with us both trying our hardest to stay positive and supportive and motivate ourselves and each other, it put a bit of a strain on our marriage. I would also suggest telling her how you feel, and what you would like her to try to do or another way to voice practical concerns without shooting your ideas down completely. If that doesn't work, just don't tell her things. We had this same problem, but with EVERYONE outside of our marriage. They didn't see things how we do, and there was no way to explain it. But we did things our own way and just stopped telling people our business and make a lot more monthly than we did at our hourly jobs. The only stress is getting caught up and getting a strong savings but it's worth it.

Some people are just build that way.

My friend is one of them. He is struggling financially for last 7-10 years, I suggested him like 20,000 different ways to make money. Simple and within his skills, without any investment, yet he is always afraid of taking any step at all. He always think negatively. What if X happen, what if Y happen. His X and Y are always bigger than his actual problem. sadly after 5+ years of my attempts, nothing works. His wife gave up last year and now they going through separation.

You can see that his imaginary problems are way bigger than his real problems.

Some people focus on being "satisfied" and a few are focused on "what is possible."

So what is your problem... exactly?

An entrepreneur accepts the fact that other won't see the light shining on the horizon.

So what else is new?

Two things. One is there is naturally a yin to the yang in any relationships. A person speaking is open/giving and the listener is receiving/cautious. The other thing is rooted in our DNA. Men were hunters and so more likely to take risks and women were the gatherers/child rearing and less likely to take risk.

Fortunately my wife is not my market, and never will be my market or represent my customers. Love her, but we are good at different things.

Entrepreneurship, at least in my world where I’ve done it for 10 years, means applying attention on the right things at the right times. Family negativity? Perhaps not an important data point.

If she is pragmatic when it comes to the business it self, you should maybe listen to outside views. We tend to hype up our own idea in our heads and only see the positives, while neglecting the negatives.

If she is pragmatic when it comes to you and your life, then I would just stop discussing stuff like that with her.

Maybe she's right.

I tried talking to my wife about stuff like this too. I realized my wife is a terrible entrepreneur. So I stopped talking to her about it. And made friends who are good entrepreneurs.

You want a wife who can take care of your kids & you. If she doesn’t have other traits, find friends who do.

Wives be like that. If she can't be supportive if it fails, bad wife. If she doesn't want to be supportive, then she can lament when she sees you living the good life with someone who appreciates you.

From someone that's been on both sides- She may think she's helping you think things through. The fact that she's thinking things through enough to HAVE complaints or worry shows she's probably trying to see this idea fully formed in her head. There is a difference between trying to break it down and being negative. You both may need to look into different ways of communication so you both feel heard. And you might want to think about what she's bringing up. She might just have good insight if she is actually trying.

Lol

Maybe this is your wife's way of telling you to stop chasing new ideas and actually do something.

Simple fix - stop telling her. Most people (not ur wife, it's common) who are critical will only ever sit in their recliner, bag of Cheetos in their hand criticising any business u give them. Who cares, ur the one with the heart for it, go make it happen n let em slouch back n watch. Seriously it's the cheapest thing to do, state all the problems with the business. That's the point of the business, it has to have problems that you can overcome otherwise it'd be common place!

true

I'm not in your situation but as a woman who is an entrepreneur I understand the propensity to be very risk-averse so I have been dealing a lot with a similar inner critic. You really have the chance to develop a growth mindset here and if you are able to deal with this feedback from a loved one, it will prepare you for further bigger challenges and hurdles along the way. For me, I try to use this negative pushback I get as a way to propel me forward. Again, you did not give information about what exactly she is saying but I feel so much better whenever I am able to provide data that supports my hypothesis. So data about the market size, customer need etc. It's one thing if she doesn't want you to start a business, it's another thing if she is raising concerns about this business. Like most things, it is about taking incremental, low-cost steps. Communicate and draw up a financial plan. A huge part of business is about being able to manage relationships so you never want to forget the most important one.

I am generally a positive person, always wanting to jump into something that looks promising (which it always is if it is my own idea), but my wife really grounds me and asks the hard questions, making me research better and be more prepared. In 90% of the cases I still go for it, but with a muuuch better foundation.

My advice: see the positive side in getting early feedback and try to prepare for this, it'll make your idea much more solid. But don't get beaten down as well, some things can indeed just be ignored and tackled later.

I feel bad for you man

The best thing is go solo. I know how you feel and what's like. People like that are always pessimistic and negative. Which is the direct opposite os an entrepreneur. You wanna start an ecommerce business, they will tell you what if it fails, no encouragement whatsoever

Agree on the amount of time and money you will spend. How you spend the time should be kept to yourself. Don’t share specifics of your project unless it’s with people you know will be supportive. Try numerous things. Once something catches, re-involve her as it will require more of a time / money commitment.

All that being said, she could be right. Your ideas might not be well thought-out. Either way, it’s clear you need some space to make your own successes / mistakes. If she’s right, you’ll learn for yourself.

Over 99% of people will never work for themselves, the idea can be so alien it makes people uncomfortable. Do your research and keep on trucking.

Between the two of you, is either the integrator? Sounds like you are filling the dreamer role.Look at things through this kind of lens, can each one of you adopt one of these roles? How can you stay compatible while making sure these roles are filled?

So why don’t you just do what you want to do on your own time? You don’t have to discuss it with her.

Easy fix.

A) Don’t share your ideas and include others in your creative process.

Or B) Use this feedback.

Sounds like you need to be more pragmatic.

1. If you can quell your wifes concerns and issues with reasonable responses, then you can respond appropriately to any investor, customer, client, vendor, etc. Use her concerns as a way to improve your communication and business plan. For an entrepreneur, everything you do is an opportunity to improve upon something else.
2. Look into POPT - Power of Positive Thinking. Entrepreneurs need to be optimistic in order to succeed.
3. For many businesses, just showing up is enough. Taking the initial step sets you apart from 99% of everyone else.

Sounds like a spouse

I would be super happy if my wife were only negative. Mine brings anger and degradation.

One sale is probably the solution for both of us.

ONE SALE.

Ask her how she would solve the issues she's raising, how would she do it better?
It sounds like she wants to be heard, and as your wife that's going to be a diplomatic affair, and good practice for you on setting boundaries.

I had the same issue with my wife until she tried to start her own thing. We fought like cats and dogs because of how much of a wet blanket she was even with my successes. The fights have completely gone away after she tried starting up her own thing and saw how me being positive help so much and when somebody comes in like a stick in the mud that you anticipated being helpful and giving you at least positive advice wasn't. I don't hang it over her head, but she and I both know that her negativity took the wind out of my sails. And it's a shitty way for a partner to be.

I don't know if it's possible but tell her to start up her own thing separately from you. You won't even need to criticize her all you need to do is be supportive like you want somebody to be with you. You don't know until you know, you know

Do you feel you’re being pragmatic as well? Maybe one of you SHOULD be the pragmatic one.

Do you have kids? Are you the breadwinner? Will you be spending HER money? There’s SO MANY specifics that you’re leaving out.

Should your wife love and support your dreams? absolutely!

Should she do so to the detriment of your wellbeing? Absolutely not.