Ask Lemmy

Nope. I'm childfree.

Nope, child free. I didn't get snipped for nothing.

I was a single mom of 4 when dating so was not open to dating childless men my age. Ended up with so many kids without having more, when we consolidated, but they all get along and as adults are happy for the network of siblings. They are much closer than I was with my brothers and sisters.

I absolutely would NOT have expected a childless man to be into me - it would have been an uphill battle to convince me. If I had been younger, maybe, but it seemed like anyone my age would have already had kids if they wanted some.

No, I don't want any children of my own, so that would be a complete dealbreaker

I did and made another one of my own with her. I did take my sweet time finding out if our parenting style and future plans aligned before comitting, of course.
I also like the kid, which was a must.

Overall it worked out great! Two kids but only had to endure one pregnancy. That’s a win in my book!

I would actually see it as a positive factor. Depends on the people involved of course.

Singles with kids are much better aware of each part needing separate time and having individual obligations, compared to someone who doesn't have kids, who might still be looking to merge into a twosomeness where their relationship is the center of the universe.

I do have kids and am not single, so I guess it's easier to see in hindsight. I guess it could be difficult for a single parent to find a single non-parent who is on the same page in maturity and responsibility.

Absolutely not. I can't stand kids and would immediately leave if I found out they had kids, whether they were young, teens, or adults.

I dated my now-wife when she was a single parent. So, yes.

Since I'm childfree, dating a single parent is a non-starter.

If I was not childfree, I think I would be open to it.

I don't want kids of my own but I love kids! I would LOVE do date a guy with kids. Bonus points if he is a widow.

Absolutely. I’m also a single parent. However, my kids are big and independent. I’m not interested in replacing an absent parent or drama or starting over from littles. I have a career, I’m financially stable and content alone. So a partner would need to add to my life. I don’t think it’s impossible; I do think it’s unlikely. Kids themselves are not an outright no. Blended families can be beautiful.

Nope! I don’t really like kids and don’t want them. Part of the reason why is I don’t think I’d be a very great parent. To reasonably date someone with a kid, there would need to be some level of commitment also towards the kid and I simply do not want that.

Depends a lot. I guess the short answer would be yes, but as a single with no children I must admit it would initially make me feel uncertain.

Edit: thus is just my personal take. I believe it's nobody's business to say who should date who, each to their own.

Of course, it's much easier when they're single.

Yes. I'm gay and kind of open to having children, so a partner having children (but me not being a primary parent) could be a nice balance.

I wouldn't date either of my parents.

I’m a single parent so would be hypocritical not to.

Then again my kids are in college, soon to be adults, I’m an older parent who doesn’t have the energy I did 20 years ago, and my focus right now is trying to make up for lost retirement savings so I can eventually retire. I do love kids but I’m not up for doing it all again

I'd say if you understand that if it gets serious, you will find yourself in a parental role of some kind (specific degree varies situation to situation), and accept that as a something you will step up to as necessary, go for it.

I was a dumb-as-rocks 20 year old when I met my ex-wife and her kid. Now my marriage is over, but I am that kid's de facto dad and that's pretty much a 'for life' thing. I don't regret that and they are the most important human in my life, and I like to think I did a decent enough job helping raise them (no worse than my own young parents, at least). But if I had a time machine, I can't say I wouldn't go back and ask young Cracks if he really understands what he's getting into.

That said, circumstances could have been such that the dynamic was different (older kid at time of arrival, more involved biodad, etc.), so YMMV. But regardless, people with kids are a package deal, and that needs to be seriously considered when dating/getting into a relationship. If that doesn't line up with what you want out of life, there's absolutely no shame in that.

Yes - dating is ultimately just "do i match with this person, like them, and can we get along together enough." but the odds of me dating them diminish when increasing the amount of kids they have and increasing how messy their ex's involvement is.

Edited-To-Add: coupling yourself to a romantic partner is also coupling yourself to their friends and family, but while you can choose not to see your in-laws every christmas or hang out with your wife's girlfriends, you can't reduce contact with a S.O's live-in children or crazy exes (assuming the ex has shared custody)

been doing it for four years. the only difficult part about it is a shitty coparent we have to deal with. i love my family :)

I don't want kids and I'm not interested in short term flings so I wouldn't.

It's not not wanting to "raise someone elses kid" but rather just not wanting kids period. I didn't get snipped at 21 just to wind up with a kid anyways.

At the same time I wouldn't be opossed to a hookup with someone because they are a single parrent if that's all they were looking for as well. But I'm asexual so hookups just aren't my thing period.

Single mom? Absolutely. Single dad? No. But thats mostly because I like women.

I did, she got married and is no longer single.

I currently am. We're 3 years in to the relationship and her and her daughter have moved in.

We're planning on getting married.

We didn't plan this, we were friends before she got married but despite going on a date, neither of us caught the flirting of the other. She got deployed and then got married and had a child. We started talking again when she was going through her divorce and I was planning to move out of state. Neither of us wanted anything serious. She wanted to go through a bit of a slutty phase and just have fun, so we just started hooking up. And then we caught feelings for each other.

Every single day, I reflect just a bit and am amazed how happy they make me. There has never been anything that has made me smile so much as how much I love her and love being her step dad.

I did. We got married and had two more. In retrospect, I think she would not choose over 30 years of active parenting. I am really enjoying how close I am with my kids and, while I'm still close with and important to 2 of the older 3, their dad is still their dad.

I wouldn't, because I don't want children, so to me it makes no sense to date someone that has kids. Given that the dating is with the intention of a long term relationship.

Maybe something along the lines of a "one off" would "fit" better because it wouldn't be relevant anyway.

Much easier to date married parents because then you don't have to worry about someone being available to watch the kids.

I would never say single parents shouldn't date. What a horrible thing to say. Some single parents maybe shouldn't date while they get their personal lives in a good place, but that applies to anyone whether they have kids or not.

As for whether I would date one, sure. Age of kid(s), how the single parent sees my role, and where they are with establishing custody if there's another parent in the picture matters.

Very unlikely to date a single father ever again. Tried that multiple times and the draw of gender roles to put mother-type responsibilities on me was an ever-present threat.

The single mothers I've dated had their child-rearing under control, had good communication, and were intentional with how they asked me to interact with their kids. Much healthier for the kids and for our relationships.

I probably wouldn't date someone with multiple very young children. I will not date someone in the middle of contentious divorce or custody negotiations.

When my wife turned 18, she had her last name legally changed to her stepdad's. That was her way of telling him who he was to her.

My oldest doesn't share my last name and still calls me by my first name to my face. But, I know she refers to me as "dad" when she thinks I'm not around.

No regrets dating or marrying a single mom. She is still my best friend and the person I most enjoy being around.

Just take care of them.

An odd question. Why would being a (single) parent be a defining factor?

I would say it is more about whether you get along with them and if they have their life in order. The rest will follow / become clear in time. Do not think too far ahead.

If I was given the option, against my will despite me deciding to be childfree for my life, as to whether I would date someone who is a single parent or have sex with someone to have a kid with. I would rather have sex with the person to have a kid of our own with.

Never again will I date a single parent, when I already did. She was a single mother and she more or less gave up and lost custody of I think two kids to two different guys. Huge red flag, I know. And I believe that's why we probably did a lot together without child interference. But I know she wasn't perfect herself.

I even had a couple times, been in awkward moments where I was meeting the father of one of the kids. It was just a series of situations I don't ever want to be in again. You just run the risk of being involved in things you didn't ask to have any business to be in, in the first place. If dating single parents is your swing, then by all means if you can prove to be the better opposite than the original parent.

It's not for me.

Depends on the relationship with the kid and what expectations are for me.

Casually, sure.

Seriously, if the stars aligned in every other way, then maybe. Children aren't in my plan.

Wouldn't be my first choice, but possibly.

I have... but I realized I don't want kids

I actually just ended a short relationship with a woman recently. She had a kid who was closer to my age than she was, and it was honestly fine until I went over one eve while her child was still there (I did not realise they were going to be there). It was very strange. I had stepdads growing up, and meeting that kid just totally made me feel like I was one of the stepdads meeting me, lol.

I'm not emotionally mature enough to have kids, nor to provide much stability to a woman who has already been married and had a kid, so no - I broke things off.

I would absolutely date a single parent. When I'm older, more mature, and have something to bring to the table.

It heavily depends on a context and a past of a person. If a person is nice and there is nothing wrong with them or kids, then there is no reason to avoid them. Especially, if their previous partner left them for a reason that doesn't bother you like death or betrayal from partner's side.

I would not rule it out but the reason I was single for a long time is that I don't want to deal with anyone who can't be prosecuted. Teens are okay as long as I don't have to deal with their rebellion agaibst their parent.

I have. I would. Whether the relationship continues depends on whether the kid(s) and I get along. You need to realise and understand that you’re not just dating the parent.

Sure, both my ex-wife and my wife were single mothers. If you like children you can get friends for life even if the relationship doesn't work out.

I did that once, it was 18 years ago and I have absolutely no regrets. The kids might not be mine but they are now family,

I did date a single parent, and it wasn't any better or worse than any other relationship.

I have but I did not like it.

I’m used to doing whatever I want whenever I wanted but being tied down to the availability of babysitters made my panties bunch up.