Someone tell him about th gay bar index so he starts going there randomly too
this post was submitted on 23 Feb 2026
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it's not gay if you don't look into each other's eyes...
Pete Kegsbreath
Dude no... dont send republicans to ruin the vibe.
Tbf, they're not sending anyone to where they haven't been before. 🤷♂️
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All I hear is that the pizza index works, he is too fucking dumb to do anything about it, and is clearly rattled about it. If he was serious he would have kept his mouth shut, which he can't, and it's all bullshit.
call me optimistic but i think he's just having a laugh
Are you having a laugh? Is he having a laugh???
(Ricky Gervais)
"Thought about" and "might just" are two phrases middle aged white guys use when we want to talk big and then never follow through. I'd be shocked if he puts in one "fake" order, and highly doubt he'll be able to be consistent enough to throw off the tracker.
Right. He's too fucking dumb to pull off even random pizza orders. In any case, everyone knows that to really throw people off the scent you tell them about your plans, right? What a fucking muppet.
Or maybe they'll do one fake order the day before the real one and keep doing it like that, and the half-assing just means the pizza index predicts it one day earlier.
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That's why he invited that reporter to his illegal Signal chat, just to throw everyone off
The real order will look like the Pentagon is throwing a kegger
That's just an average day for the alcoholic in charge.
Don’t blame me for this. I haven’t been contacted at all. I may be The Alcoholic but I’m not in charge and I don’t appreciate your accusations. Btw I accidentally fucked your dog. My apologies.
We look at every indicator.
After it's become widespread international news meaning our allies and enemies have known for at least a decade...
at least a decade…
You're not wrong, but even this article mentions a news article from 1991… heh
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You're joking about your own ineptitudes? Bold strategy
“No raises this year, gentlemen. And ladies. But hey, PIZZA PARTY!!”
Okay, fuck, he got me, that's really funny. Good job. Now please submit to The Hague, confess everything, and spend the rest of your life in prison.
A decade ago I was like, "FOX hosts are vile, disgusting, fucking goblins, but at least they're not in government".
I refuse to accept this is the reality I exist in.
A real military mobilization is about as easy to conceal as a sunrise. And you're not going to fool anyone by ordering a few extra pizzas.
And what is he going to do with all of those "diversion" pizzas?
Seems like that could be a good way to feed the hungry in DC: order a large and semirandom number of pizzas to the Pentagon every night, then distribute them to homeless shelters; on nights when you're planning or executing ops, just add to the order enough for your operation and pull them off of the pile before you redirect the rest to the shelters.
But the party of "lol your poor git gud" wouldn't dream of such a thing. More likely they'll toss them in the dumpster.
Americans shouldn't starve in such a wealthy nation, but there's just not enough money here. Do not. Touch. The ~~defense~~ war budget. Such a shame, homeless veterans and all that
Loved the joke, and it gives me an idea that might actually make this work: rather than sending it to a random homeless shelter every day, send it to a veteran's shelter.
There was a tmnt toy back in the day that had a pizza cannon (I think it was the turtle van). I think tech might have caught up to that point by now to do it in real life.
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You know he doesn’t tip, so they’re not delivering twice.
Give us your credit card number Pete and we'll help you order those pizzas.
Aren't all the pedos using "pizza" as covert code for child pornography ?
Pretty sure he said this exact thing last year when the Pizza Index was correct. Is this a cute little gem he just has on standby?
Yes, except it's not cute, nor really a game. Just stupidity. But otherwise, you're right :)
I'm always surprised the pizza index works. There are over 20 restaurants inside the Pentagon, including a pizza place. It should be easy to make everyone order from those when something is happening
Well at least our troops will be fat asses just like he wants them.
He thought of ordering lots of pizza? What a genius mastermind.
Hello? Is this Dominos?
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