Ask Lemmy

You aren't ever going to run out of things to do. Literally - there will never come a time when everything you could do is done. Some tasks are projects that have a beginning and end, others don't, they are ongoing work. But in any case there is always more you could do, more than you will be able to do.

Write a list, if you are afraid you will forget. I put reminders in my phone too. Prioritize your list, do the more urgent or important things.

Use a notebook to write down TODOs. This will get them out of your head. You'll be at ease knowing they are easily retrievable whenever you have some time for them.

If they need to be done at a particular time, note them down in a calendar (and set up reminders).

Here’s what I do: I work in a field where it’s never ending. Yesterday four people were looking for me while I had a priority. I focused on my priority and I directed them to remote ways to contact me. I put them on my calendar. I have 3 spreadsheets regarding different things to do this month, week, daily. I do my daily priorities and chip away at the spreadsheets in downtime. I never finish. I also don’t think about it for a single second after I leave the building, and I also don’t feel bad. The reason for this is being a human being, only one person, and it can wait but enjoyment and rest will not. YOLO.

This sounds like ADHD and/or anxiety.

When I'm overwhelmed I lay off alcohol and pastimes.

It stresses me a lot to have things undone. It even affects my sleep.

It helps to write down everything that needs doing, so that I can detach from thinking about it at night or over the weekend. The note will be there on my desk/fridge in the morning so I don't forget. Check of the easiest things first to reduce the cognitive load of context-switching.

One of the important things that you learn over time in a high stress situation is that you can only commit around 70% of your effort before you start burning yourself out.

As in, yes, you can definitely try harder and get more things done, but that can only be done in very short bursts. After a while, you would not be able to bring yourself to do anything. And so, the followup lesson is that you shouldn't beat yourself up for only committing 70%. Take some time every once in a while to ask yourself: on a scale of 1-10, where 10 is the maximum conceivable amount of effort I can imagine myself giving, how would I rate the amount of effort that I am currently putting in to my work? If your score is 8 or above, then that's your issue. You're experiencing burnout.

If you have work piling up but you're already committing 70%, then you just have to acknowledge that there is more work coming than you can reasonably handle. So what can you do? I don't really know what your current career status is, so I can't give solid advice. But you can consider either declining to take on more work or letting some tasks fall to the wayside.

If you are concerned that your 70% effort is noticeably lower than an average person's 70%, then that's a different issue altogether. You might just have depression. In which case, talk to a therapist.

A lot of these suggestions are about time management. And I think they’re missing the point. It may not be time management skills that you need, but emotional regulation skills.

I’m not a licensed psychologist, and neither is anyone else here, so for real help I’d recommend talking to a therapist. But I can offer the insight that this comes down to seeking balance. For you, balance is achieved once the to-do list is empty. And that’s going to be never. There will always be work, chores, and little annoyances to deal with. Every day. Forever. So if your definition of balance means that there are none of these, it may be time to rethink your definition of balance. And that’s where working with a professional comes in. In the meantime hopefully this gives you something to think about.

The hard thing when you have lot of thing to do, and have no idea where to start. Is to decide that you don't need a plan, take a task, do-it and then do the next one. Then the other thing is to realise that everything can't be perfect, that some stuff will be late and other will be barely passing

Everyone is different, but I just wait until I get that spark and go hard as fuck at the list. Usually I cant muster up the requisite effort, and it makes me feel physically nauseous forcing myself to do housework/self-care, but sometimes I'll get a good day and the trick is to just keep it going.

When the good day hits, just never stop. I don't focus on the big picture because that just kills my motivation. I do whatever is in front of me at the moment and I dont stop.

You are not alone. Some of that stress is good. Drives accomplishment. But we need to have clear, achievable milestones. Write it down, and discard anything where you don’t see a clear outcome.

And for me, making my bed in the morning and cleaning the kitchen directly after dinner have always been the biggest mitigations for my “too much shit to do” stress.

Slow down. Feels good to not be rushing.

Look into a time management tool.

If something takes more the 5 min it goes in the tool to be scheduled.

One thing I try to do is to avoid procrastinating. If there is a task to do and I think to myself “I’ll do it later” I then ask myself “will it take more than five minutes”? If the answer is no, then I make myself do it.

I also use an app on my phone to keep a list of chores on a schedule. Having things lingering on the list is annoying, too. But the app allows me to skip or reschedule them. If you are on iOS and need some app like this I recommend PikaPika.

Take your time to organize your tasks, then prioritize them. The decide what has actually such a low priority, that its fine if it doesn't get done. Then, check how to split the task on time (not full 24/7, but actual work time) and see if it is realistic. If not, you need to communicate that you can't realistically get it done in that time, and that you need to extend the time to get it done or delegate it to someone else.

Anything else would be unprofessional and not really helping the situation.

Yes.

As someone who has had a lot of responsibilities thrown onto me way earlier in life than most, I can share what I have learned and what has helped me.

Do note that this is not a one size fits all solution, especially since I don’t know what your day to day looks like, I hope you find something here useful:

• As a few have already said starting with a general to-do list is a great start. Most phones have an app already installed that you can use.

• Prioritize what you need to do first. Life can absolutely get overwhelming very quickly, even when you aren’t quite ready for it. Which can only compound things. If you tackle the most important things first, the smaller things won’t feel as stressful as time passes.

• Set a specific day and time for routine tasks. If you deal with trash and recycling on set days for example, spend 10-20 minutes getting things ready to go to the curb or the dumpster the night before. Rushing the day of only adds more stress. The biggest benefit is you can set a task for specific days, which is absolutely helpful.

• For smaller things: Set a time limit. Spend no more than let’s say 30 minutes to an hour on one task. If you have an overly messy living situation for example; focus on making just one area of a room look the way you want vs dealing with the entire room at once. It may take longer than you want, but the more you get done like this the better you’ll feel.

• Do not be afraid to ask for help. This is a big one that a lot of people, myself included have to get past. You’re only one person and unlike we’re taught, you can’t do everything alone. Especially if you’re overwhelmed and have too much to handle. If you have a task that you find yourself thinking “this would be so much easier/faster if I had someone here” or “I don’t know if I can do this by myself” be sure to find a family member or close friends who will be glad to help you. It absolutely makes a difference.

• Remember that not everything will be under your control. Whether it be a task you need to do, an appointment you have to meet or something else, you may not be able to get the outcome you want with everything you need done. Focus on what you can accomplish first and let the things that require input from others become secondary when you have to wait for that person or group. Followup as often as necessary, but let that ball be in their court. As a last resort if that person or group is unreliable, switch them out.

• Allow yourself time to rest and relax. When life is overwhelming, the idea of taking a break can feel counterproductive and wrong. Remember though that if you don’t, you’ll just burn yourself out. Allow yourself time to go out, exercise, have fun and especially to rest. You’ll be more motivated to tackle things if you have a good work/life balance. Especially if you have a full time job on top of everything else.

That’s really all I can think of for now. I hope you find something here that’s helpful. If I think of anything else I’ll update my post. Good luck!

Write it down.

I use two whiteboards to separate priority. The one in the kitchen is for timely stuff: Take the trash out, doctor's appointment Tuesday. The one in the office is for longer term stuff: Fix the garden gate, paint bathroom.

If you're stressing, pick something & make some progress on it. You can only do so much in a day though, while you are working, stop & realize that hey, you're making progress! And perhaps the biggest thing for me is I don't erase my projects when I complete them, I cross them off. Then on Sunday morning, I take a moment to look at everything I completed before clearing the whiteboards & starting over for next week.

I do not know as I am the exact same way. I would warn that it seems to be driving my depression. I finally made a doctors appointment to go see about talking to a psychiatrist about it as I don't think I can climb out of my current situation without addressing it.

You are who you are. Accepting that is important. That doesn't mean you shouldn't keep working to better yourself, just that forgiving yourself is easier.

It sounds like executive function trouble. Mine manifests by making it hard to start doing things, but once I get started, I definitely finish. I also deal with irritation when priorities collide, or when I am pulled from one task in progress to another. My solution for those latter ones, through understanding and accepting who I am, is to assert myself. Talking helps, even if it's just to myself. "Okay, I'm going to finish this first (or get to a stopping point), then move on to that," or "I'll do the new thing first, and the other thing second."

I think that "starting" for me requires me to be bored more often. This is hard in the age of constant distraction in our pockets at all times.

What helps me is the following :

• Ask yourself if it matters in a day, a week, month, year.
• write down what you need to do and when.
• if you know you won't be finishing in time, stop before the deadline and complete the tasks that you did finish. communicate to the ones that set the date before the deadline.

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