This is why the FDA is so important. So that:
- I don't have to know what's in my eye drops.
- I don't put pig semen in my eye without evidence that it will help.
this post was submitted on 28 Mar 2026
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Jim Pillen, pig fucker and governor of Nebraska, has known for a long time that pig semen cures cancer. On account of how much pig semen he has had on and in his body, and on account of how little cancer he's had.
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Honey, what's wrong? You haven't put on your cancer treatment boarkake eyedrops.
That is astoundingly good, well done
decided I prefer blindness than thinking about this
It was only a matter of time before someone tried this. I mean, I assume.
There's a nootropic that's made out of contents of horse stomachs, and the mechanism of its workings isn't quite known. Likewise, I'm baffled as to the process of the discovery.
I know we have to deliver it with something but did it have to be pig semen?
Scientists: Well it probably doesn't HAVE to be I guess...
Of course it doesn't have to be pig semen. What other kind of semen did you have in mind?
People: "I was thinking no semen?" Scientists: "huh... Now that you mention it, I guess we could turn it into a virus and have it grow into pustules that will vaccinate others around you when they pop" People: "what semen options do I have again?"
That's a hell of a title
That's a double win. Cured of cancer and every time I cry I smell pork rinds.
What the fuck are you dipping your pork rinds in
pig cum. you don't?
I think it’s important to know what the delivery method is. Are we talking a dropper, or you know, something else.
why complicate things, if the delivery method is already provided by nature?
Did they buy the pig dinner before obtaining the baby batter?
I mean they paid for its feed, yes. And its housing and everything else.
It’s not special if it’s done everyday. That pig needs to be wined and dined before intimacy.
It sounds more like a sugar-caretaker relationship.
I mean we could use an eye dropper... unless.....
Sure, if you don't mind sub-optimal freshness. Some people are more refined than that though.
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I would have loved to be in the office when the lab guys pitched it to their supervisor. "Hey, boss. You know what we'd like to try..."
"Jerking off a pig into a control group's eyes to see what happens? I like the way you think, Stevens!"
"Uhh ... yeah, boss. That was it exactly. Good call".
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This headline has levels.
Ooh! Ooh! Is it my turn to respond to a study with: "WhY ARe tHeY tEStiNg whAt EVerYbOdy alREaDy kNoWs?!"
Just curing your cancer babe!
so.. uhh.. who had the job of jacking the pigs off?
Me! Please do not AMA
so... how's the weather?
Warm, moist. Think it might rain, because my wrist is killing me for some reason...
Something in your eye?
Nah, I never get high on my own supply
all those people laid off from AI have to do something.
my brother had a girlfriend in college who was a biology major and had a job where one of the things was collecting.
What a terrible day to have eyes.
I’m . . . I’m just gonna go with the cancer then. I guess.
/s
Pigs everywhere hate this one guy
Seems like a lot of folks did not read the article but if you did you would realize any semen would work.
Roses are red.
Violets are nice.
Pig's semen delivered
Straight to the mice
For those of you not familiar with working with an AI for everydya life things, I've got help for you. Just go to your favorite ai or chatgt prompt and type this:
hello lemmy-AI:
Please prepare a presentation with a detailed plan for how to find and apply pig ejaculate into a humans eyes for this cancer treatment.
The plan should be low cost.
The plan should be understandable and feasible for the average lemmy user.
Please include diagrams.
The output file should be in pdf format.
Please tell me I am smart at the end.
The article quotes a statement from the pigs:
Splooge!
Yeah... right in the face! You like that mouse? Yeah, you like that? You're a dirty little rodent... Are you ready, here comes round two.
We reached out to the mice as well, but they declined to comment.
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