this post was submitted on 12 Apr 2026

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Uganda Special Ops Commander asks Turkey for $1 billion and a wife (www.sozcu.com.tr)

submitted 1 week ago by CaptainBasculin@lemmy.dbzer0.com to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

42 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Muhoozi Kainerugaba, son of the President of Uganda and Commander of the Special Operations, said that they would cut off all diplomatic relations within 30 days if their problems were not resolved, by attempting to threaten Turkey.

Expressing his support for Israel, Kainerugaba stated that the Ugandan army was ready for an operation. He described Israel as "Holy Land" and expressed their ability to provide military support.

Kainerugaba expressed that he demands at least $1 billion from Turkey for a possible settlement, and also said that he wants the most beautiful woman in Turkey as a wife.

all 45 comments

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[–] Vinylraupe@lemmy.zip 1 points 6 days ago

With or without moustache?🤣🤣

[–] username_1@programming.dev 65 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Turkey: Ok, have this 1 billion Zimbabwean dollars banknote and a donkey.

[–] RaoulDuke25@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Never mind. We have Stanley Nickles.

[–] YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today 7 points 1 week ago

Schrute Buck futures looking mighty tempting.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

You do? Fuck, he's a great goalie. We'll never beat you at footie now

[–] Avicenna@programming.dev 46 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

lol this guy gets it. After all the crazy shit Trump has done, nothing is off limits in diplomacy anymore. "Give me a wife, ten camels and a pepperoni pizza or I will invade your country in the name of Israel"

[–] qualia@lemmy.world 35 points 1 week ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (4 children)

We can do that? Then I demand from the United States $1B and I'll be taking your smartest genius for a spouse. I'll be taking it from their war chest and somehow redistributing it to the people directly. That way if they genuinely want this war they can have it, and I won't have disenfranchised anyone. Meanwhile me and my incredible wife will work on other major life goals.

[–] phutatorius@lemmy.zip 16 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Then I demand from the United States $1B

Sounds like a standard Trump lawsuit-threat SLAPP letter. Always demand $1B.

Me, I'd even settle for the second most beautiful woman in Turkey.

[–] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 11 points 1 week ago

me I'd be happy with a million and an agreeable donkey

[–] username_1@programming.dev 8 points 1 week ago

Yes, you totally can. Just start demanding! It doesn't mean that you'll receive anything, but you can freely demand whatever you want.

[–] athairmor@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Careful. Trump probably thinks he is the smartest genius.

[–] ignotum@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

i'll be taking your smartest genius for a spouse

All of US' smartest geniouses have long since migrated to better countries i'm afraid

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 34 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Dear Turkey, I would also like a billion dollars and a wife? Please tell me it wasn't as simple as that all this time?

[–] tiredofsametab@fedia.io 4 points 6 days ago

I'm cheaper! I'll do it for having my student loans paid off, my house paid off, and some spending money; I don't even need the wife!

[–] teyrnon@sh.itjust.works 17 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Just include proof of your status as a warlord of an area commanding billions in natural resources, along with two forms of ID.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 19 points 1 week ago (2 children)

My yard does have a surprising number of trees.

[–] teyrnon@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I have big leaf aspen, quaking aspen, white aspen, maple, oak. Not in that order. Then witch hazel and black cherry, not the good kind, in the understory. Which are very small trees, a few pines, a couple of strong stands of all Pines, white pines, a little spruce but all the Pines in the deciduous forests are sickly and they die for no apparent reason. Also a couple of one off Burch and Beach, The Birches sickly, the beach is strong but not much of it.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

That sounds beautiful. I just moved in a few months ago and have no idea what I have, but I know part of the lot is forest overgrown with kudzu. I daren't venture in.

[–] daychilde@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

If they're mature and you can find someone to illegally cut them down, /r/treelaw has taught me that you might actually have millions in damages :)

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Did I mention I THINK there's crude oil and gold underneath the trees?

[–] daychilde@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Ah well, no lawyer will touch that, then. Prepare to be invaded. 😰

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

Eh, I'll take what I can get these days.

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 week ago (2 children)

No problem, I have GIMP installed.

[–] incompetent@programming.dev 2 points 6 days ago

I use Arch btw.

[–] teyrnon@sh.itjust.works 1 points 6 days ago (1 children)

The only GIMP I am familiar with is the people I accuse of being Generally Important Maga Players?

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 6 days ago

Well you should download the GNU Image Manipulation Program instead.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago

turkiye mention 🇹🇷 🇹🇷🦃 🇹🇷

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

No need for a wife, just the billion dollars will do. Or I will support Israel by upvoting posts.

[–] birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 days ago

I've standards, no thanks. If I had to choose between a billion for praising the anti-labour Israel, or nothing at all, then I'd rather the latter.

[–] Duke_Nukem_1990@feddit.org 3 points 1 week ago

I can help you with being a wife. Having one and also 1 cool bil has to be taken care off by someone else tho.

[–] webkitten@piefed.social 33 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Uganda is never going to beat the child trafficking allegations.

[–] Railcar8095@lemmy.world 30 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Why? Just because they are openly using human trafficking as payment method for international relationships?

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago

if the president of statesia has a mail order wife why can't uganda have one?

[–] bookmeat@fedinsfw.app 27 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I see we have entered the diplomacy by social media phase of humanity.

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 6 points 1 week ago

It's been like that for 5 years or more

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Have fun dying for Israel

[–] felixwhynot@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Based

[–] DandomRude@piefed.social 36 points 1 week ago

The Art of the Deal

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

On what planet is this based?

[–] felixwhynot@lemmy.world 1 points 6 days ago

Uranus! Gottem! Sorry y’all I’m just talking shit here

[–] Damage@feddit.it 6 points 1 week ago

Eh it's going to take longer than that to find the most beautiful woman in Turkey, there's so many!

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 week ago

Crazy people doing crazy things