this post was submitted on 10 Jan 2024
451 points (99.3% liked)

Not The Onion

12356 readers
198 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] BradleyUffner@lemmy.world 154 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (9 children)

My workplace recently started doing a "Path to the Weekend" initiative. This is a mandatory meeting held at 5pm on a Friday for an hour about every month, where we have to have extroverted style discussions such as "tell us about 2 new things you accomplished in your personal life since the last meeting.".

It's hell.

[–] mkhopper@lemmy.world 51 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Time to start seeing just how "mandatory" they're talking.

That or I would just have one stock answer every week. "I like to keep my personal life out of your fucking meetings."

[–] Maalus@lemmy.world 33 points 10 months ago (4 children)

And then you get branded "the combative one" and get laid off first when they consider layoffs

[–] AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee 22 points 10 months ago

This is why office workers need unions too

[–] illi@lemm.ee 12 points 10 months ago

If I had to endure that every month, I'd be already looking around anyway.

[–] UNWILLING_PARTICIPANT@sh.itjust.works 7 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I've been the pain I in the ass who was kept on until I quit for a better job, and I've also been the overly available, underpaid, overtime worker who got laid off.

Upper management is totally blind to which employees are valuable. Now I'm just myself. I focus on career, my skills, networking, and keep an eye on the job postings every now and then.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] MethodicalSpark@lemmy.world 33 points 10 months ago (7 children)

The director of my department just announced a new initiative starting this year for something similar.

Once a month, we now have a two hour meeting where we need to prep and present a five slide PowerPoint to our peers. The slides are focused on project status, work accomplishments, personal development, a life update, and mandatory feedback given to one of our peers in front of the group.

So not only am I forced to share details of my private life to a bunch of people that I hate in a fucking PowerPoint, I have to single someone out with one thing they’re doing well and one thing they can improve.

[–] gramie@lemmy.ca 17 points 10 months ago

Is there any explicit requirement that this presentation contain truth?

[–] GoofSchmoofer@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago

If you do this right you could build up an amazing false personal life.

Whoa that is so not ok

[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 11 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Single out the director and tell them they can improve by scrapping the meeting. Do this every month until they listen.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] mriormro@lemmy.world 29 points 10 months ago

"I managed to continue taking my antidepressants and I didn't kill myself despite my suicidal ideations since the last meeting!

I hope those are good enough accomplishments. "

[–] spirinolas@lemmy.world 21 points 10 months ago

"My personal life is personal."

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 18 points 10 months ago (1 children)

That sounds awful. My job thankfully knows I’m a privacy nut and they respect that. They don’t need to know what I do in my me time and when they think they do I explain the concept of linux so I don’t have to explain the concept of being heavily involved in my local bdsm community.

[–] owenfromcanada@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You should totally explain the concept of being heavily involved in your local bdsm community. I bet it's the last time they ask for anything.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

I’m not entirely sure. If we had an HR department I think they’d have a lot of questions. That and men already ask me out at work too much, I can’t imagine how much worse it would get.

[–] Bakkoda@sh.itjust.works 10 points 10 months ago

.... What the fuck?

[–] cybersandwich@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago

Tone deaf AF

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] TheAgeOfSuperboredom@lemmy.ca 115 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Beatings will continue until morale improves

[–] ryan213@lemmy.ca 54 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Here, have a slice of pizza.

[–] thefartographer@lemm.ee 48 points 10 months ago (1 children)

My boss bought me pizza once! It wasn't as good as the pizzas I used to buy myself, but who can afford non-work-pizza anymore?

I think work-pizza is making my teeth hurt, but my ex-dentist is all like "tell your job to pay me."

Hey, do any of y'all wake up crying, too? My boss says it's allergies in my home; my boss is so nice, they'll even let me stay at work extra-long so I don't have to deal with my home-allergies and they only need me to do extra work without telling anyone in exchange!

Anyway, I don't love work-pizza, but it's better than waking up crying!

Whoops! Another tooth fell out... I bet the new ones are gonna look beautiful when they grow back in like my boss said they will.

[–] troyunrau@lemmy.ca 21 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The writers for Outer Worlds are here folks ;)

[–] thefartographer@lemm.ee 18 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Oh wow! You think my writing is good enough that people might think I'm semi-literate??? Of all the replies I've ever received, this is definitely one of them, and I'll likely sometimes remember it!

[–] OneOrTheOtherDontAskMe@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

One doesn't professionally chart flatulence without gaining some literacy

[–] wabafee@lemmy.world 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Oh by the way this is deducted from your salary. Enjoy!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Sabata11792@kbin.social 78 points 10 months ago (6 children)

either because they hadn’t been offered them or because they didn’t take their company up on the offer

Are they talking about the "Get fired for depression" button on the company website that no one presses because entering in all your personal info is the oppsite of anonymous?

[–] ASaltPepper@lemmy.one 19 points 10 months ago

Worst misclick of your life hitting this thing.

[–] nxdefiant@startrek.website 16 points 10 months ago

Also: This survey is completely anonymous, please don't share this unique link though.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] Boozilla@lemmy.world 64 points 10 months ago (1 children)

In my experience these things are always a box-checking exercise to justify some useless person's job. As others are pointing out, participation can backfire because now the bosses know you have personal problems. (Everyone has personal problems, but formal admission will be punished in our toxic work-always-comes-first culture.)

It's a shame, because such programs administered in good faith could truly help people. But helping workers is never the real objective. It's only for the optics. "Look, we did a thing to address this".

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Ok but also just like pay for me to have therapy and/or let me go spend time with people I actually like. I don’t really want wellness initiatives, I’d take more care of myself if I had more time to

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] b000urns@lemmy.world 53 points 10 months ago

Its almost as though our horrible corporate culture and financial insecurity can't be solved by cynically implementing said programs 🤷‍♂️

[–] Son_of_dad@lemmy.world 47 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Raise our wages and our bills will be paid, and our mental health will get better

[–] superduperenigma@lemmy.world 38 points 10 months ago

Also stop forcing people to commute into the office. We were happier at home.

[–] eran_morad@lemmy.world 28 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Yeah bruh, why the fuck would i want to engage with work in any way beyond the engagement that i tolerate because they bribe me?

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] aniki@lemm.ee 26 points 10 months ago

This is why work-from-home is superior. No one ever sends me follow-up on why I didn't do $dumb_corporate_shit this week.

[–] Sarmyth@lemmy.world 16 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I dunno, I get $25 every quarter for wearing the same pedometer I did before I worked there. 4 extra wellness days each year, which are basically extra paid holidays that you don't have family obligations tied to. Learning budgets to get me certifications on their dime. Month long paid sebatical after 3 years every 3 years.

Some wellness programs are alright. If the company actually means it.

[–] Pickle_Jr@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

If the company actually means it

There's the key phrase. I've worked at 5 different places during my professional career. Not once has any "wellness seminar," "wellness week," or wellness-what-have-you has been as fruitful as you're describing.

I've never gotten a wellness day nor a bonus for wearing a pedometer or being active in any manner. At absolute best, in all the places I've worked, I went to an optional meeting that had an interesting breathing exercise. But the rest of the meeting was dumb fluff like "don't work more than 40 hours," "tell your lead that you are over stressed," "don't spend money on stuff you can't afford."

Absolute worst case scenario so far, a week of mandatory 1 hour meetings each day required from HR. Every day was repeating the same garbage as above and could've just been an email. Also, even though HR requires the meetings, your manager still requires 40hrs of "project effort." Meaning required overtime. I did not stay long at this job.

Something like what you are describing would be a breath of fresh air.

[–] owenfromcanada@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago

We had a wellness seminar at one point, mandatory. There was an excercise where we stood in a circle and threw a ball around. During cold and flu season. Some of us expressed concern, and were ignored. Entire group got sick and took a bunch of sick days. How's that for wellness?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] leaky_shower_thought@feddit.nl 14 points 10 months ago (2 children)

free subscription to some meditation app?

employee mental health well-being is secured!

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] GuyDudeman@lemmy.world 13 points 10 months ago (8 children)

Here’s a solution: Nationalize all major industries.

load more comments (8 replies)
[–] JustZ@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago (5 children)

I think we will see companies increasingly focus their hiring based on emotional intelligence and mental health.

Emotional intelligence is a four fold better predictor of academic and financial success, family stability.

I used to think being smart was enough if you're looking for a good worker.

I realize now there are plenty of smart people who failed to launch and are perpetually bouncing from job to job every few years, not usually on their own accord.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] guyrocket@kbin.social 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Next I want to see a study of these annoying wellness progroms that take basic health info and then shove healthy behavior down your throat.

It took me a while to figure it out but I ignore all that crap now.

What I do think would actually be helpful is assistance buying health club memberships or exercise equipment. A bike helps me be healthier. Nagging does not.

[–] HWK_290@lemmy.world 16 points 10 months ago

Or, better yet, take your health information then lose it all in a security breach you won't hear about until years later (hi Anthem!)

All for a measly $25 credit for health expenses that you have up jump through 8 hoops to actually get

[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 9 points 10 months ago

Aaahhhh nothing like a bozo mid level manager Karen deciding that we'd all be so much happier if we'd do these stupid ass corporate retreats where we all have to do mind numbingly stupid games like blindfold a group, hold eachother, and they all blindly have to follow the leader. I'd lead the entire group into a swirling river and teach the fuckers the real lesson.

Sorry, but this shit pisses me off.

Here we have mid level manager karen2 deciding she is a psychologist because she watched a YouTube video about sharing so now we're going to obligatory share about our personal lives every Monday morning to increase productivity!

I'm not going "kill me now" but I might be tempted to "kill you now" with that nonsense.

I helped organize Friday afternoon parties at one of the last companies I worked at and we made fucking sure it was just a nice get together. We got beers, snacks, drinks, good music and you could come and stay or not, whatever, it was just a nice activity focussed on just actually honestly being nice, and THAT actually improved bonds between people, started friendships, improved office ambiance... It got me my wife!

[–] LoamImprovement@ttrpg.network 8 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

It's the thing that bothers me about the obligatory 1-on-1s we do every month with our supervisors, asking "On a scale from 1 to 10, what's your stress level? Are you dealing with any personal issues?" And the one time I pipe up and say, "Yeah, they raised my rent $300 and it's putting strain on my budget." The response was "Do you know anyone who could move in or that you could move in with to alleviate that?" I haven't gotten a raise in two years. Fuck this shit. Don't act like you care.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] DessertStorms@kbin.social 7 points 10 months ago

ShockedPikachuFace.jpg

load more comments
view more: next ›