what, you do not enjoy the Witch's Kiss
this post was submitted on 13 Apr 2026
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Poseidon’s kiss, surely
wait. shit. you're right. Witch's Kiss is a different thing. why did ya'll upvote that???
There’s a surprising amount of toilet kisses to keep track of.
Is Witch's Kiss a porn term? Asking for a friend.
When the toilet too small and the dick touches the inside of the bowl 😞
What? That's impossible! There's no way that could
Oh wait. I'm now realizing this is a me problem.
Don't worry. There is a toilet out there somewhere that's sized perfectly to give you a Witch's Kiss. You just have to find the right one.
Thanks! That's exactly what my mom said!
Lol I think it largely depends on if you're using a ~~shitty~~ n inadequately sized public toilet and whether you have a hard on or not. The fact that it hasn't happened to you yet is only merit unto your good name.
🤮
🤮 indeed
BLEUGH I hate that
The toilet:
You thought
honestly, i was good at physics at school, and then i was bad at physics at school. that's all I can say
Wouldn't it be the taller the toilet, the more splash you'll have, as it needs to fall further before reaching the water?
If you make it tall enough then the poop will reach terminal velocity before hitting the water
Wow you're very knowledgeable, you must be a frequent pooper
Seems the water is the problem. Just get rid of that.
Shit, write that down, write that down.
Shit, wipe that down, wipe that down.
spoiler
That's how I read it initially and couldn't help but laugh.
Challenge accepted. Good luck to the measurement team.
It’s a shitty job.
Ba-dum tssss
The splash is a free bidet
I think you pay with your soul and your dignity. That's why it's free.
i've never been splashed, American toilets have the cistern in the bowel to deliberately splash you, it's punishment for not moving to the metric system.
I just leave the bowl empty of water, then flush with a separate bucket I fill from the bathtub tap.
Sure, the bowl is covered in shit stains, but at least I don't have to experience Poseidon's Kiss.
Modern problems require modern solutions.
I might be wrong but splashback seems to be a purely American problem. European toilets tend to have a much lower water level (and I'm not even talking about those old-timey poop shelf toilets). In my well over 30 years of using toilets, I barely remember ever getting splashed.
Oh no. It's an EU problem also. In the UK we have a special term 'fireman's blanket' for the tissue you lay down to prevent the said splash.
Lots of toilets in Europe have a "poop shelf" which makes splashing a complete non-issue.
Whether tis nobler to risk the splashback, or to live with your poop perpetually ending up on a shelf? In many ways, this is a microcosm of the human condition.
I'm British 😔
Made this post in the middle of diarrhoea.
See, it was therefore technically a kind of shower thought... But not the good kind of shower.
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Just use a suction hose astronaut style.
Doubt that would accomplish anything but I am surprised we cant apply modern CAD/simulation tech and ML… hell any modern tech to possibly design a toilet bowl that deflects piss and doesn’t allow shit to cling to it like a 3M glue.
With modern material science and rapid prototyping I am disappoint.
There are toilets that have a shitshelf, no splash ever. Stains are more likely, but a layer of tp or a quick post-partum brushing does the trick. Small price to pay for a dry bum.
Ew, I'd rather feel the splash
It also stinks more when it's above water :(
you need the opposite. small enough space that its mostly in water before the pinch. just don't have the squirts.
We don't need to measure. Just make it double the height based on the terminal velocity in 1atm
The Dutch have already solved the splashback question but the world was not ready for their solution.
Turdminal velocity is an important consideration.
The sceptic in me says kinetic energy down = kinetic energy up
Except the velocity varies.. sometimes you get the slow rollers other times the super sonic projectile and then there are snapping turtles.. they poke out a head and go back in.
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