this post was submitted on 27 May 2026
318 points (99.4% liked)

Not The Onion

21599 readers
1586 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
all 35 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] ideonek@piefed.social 4 points 1 day ago

Can they go to jail?

[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 14 points 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

This is why ~~Citizens United~~ Corporations United has to be repealed. Don't just get mad at a judge for ruling according to the law, which is his job. There are shades of legality judges can rule on, like the meaning of "reasonable", but if federal law says a corporation is a person, it's legally a person. The solution is to repeal that law.

edit: typo

[–] beowulf_50@lemmy.world 98 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] Rhoeri@lemmy.world 21 points 2 days ago

Yep. But if it makes you feel any better, there was never a time when you weren’t.

[–] arrow74@lemmy.zip 22 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

Okay silver lining this explicitly applies to voting in municipal elections. This only applies to municipalities that have a law specifically allowing a vote for every property owner and citizen.

This is extremely limited in scope. Batshit insane, but not as bad as it first seemed.

[–] mic_check_one_two@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Delaware is one of the most popular locations for shell corporations, because the state doesn’t require public ownership disclosure. If you want to hide behind a shell corporation or create a shady holding company, Delaware is where your new company will be based.

On paper, corporations in Delaware literally outnumber humans 2 to 1. So that means those shady faceless shell corporations could easily take control of local elections. And local elections tend to have the most direct day-to-day impact on residents’ lives. So this could very easily spiral into shell corporations making local residents’ lives hell. This is quickly approaching “local residents aren’t allowed to cook or shower during the day, because Nestle was allowed to spin up five thousand shell corporations to sway local elections and buy out local water rights” levels of dystopia.

[–] arrow74@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 day ago

Important to note that this is the case in this one town specifically because the town charter allows property owners to vote. As of right now this only applies to a few cities in the state. It's all in the article.

I don't know what goes into state law surrounding town charters so that may not be easy to change. Town ordinances are easier to pass, but they may not have as much power in court.

I wouldn't expect it to spiral just because this ruling is very specific, but honestly who knows these days things are weird

[–] darth_grunkus@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Don't worry. They'll extend it to more elections soon.

[–] arrow74@lemmy.zip 7 points 2 days ago

I mean that's unlikely as this is a very very narrow ruling. Municipal elections are some of the most deregulated type of elections. I mean one town elected a dog and in some towns children have been able to legally run.

There's a large lack of federal and state law regulating city elections, or at least when compared to state and federal elections.

Of course they could still change it, but it should take more than a court case. If courts care to follow established law, which is shaky the days I'll give you that

[–] vk6flab@lemmy.radio 51 points 2 days ago

Wonderful .. in addition to ~~bribing~~ lobbying politicians they can now vote for them.

[–] JailElonMusk@sopuli.xyz 46 points 2 days ago (1 children)

We are one Super PAC dark money donation away from the Bill of Rights becoming the Bill of Privileges.

[–] lectricleopard@lemmy.world 31 points 2 days ago (2 children)

It already is. And was. Not everyone gets the benefit of them, particularly if you dont have a white dick.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 days ago

I'm white, but my dick is significantly darker for some reason I never understood.... just in case this is meant as synecdoche and not specific case law.

[–] inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Hey hey hey leave my teeny tiny vestigial trans dick out of this

[–] ChonkyOwlbear@lemmy.world 33 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

Okay, they have the right to vote, but HOW do they vote? If my mom wants to vote, I can't go vote in her place as a proxy, so a person couldn't vote in proxy for a corp. Does a company have to be 18 years old to vote? In Delaware you need a state ID or a social security number to vote. Can they get those? So many nonsensical leaps in logic have to be made to make this possible.

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 14 points 2 days ago

Corporations get special treatment, like kids with AIDS at waterparks.

They skip the line. No ID required.

[–] rockSlayer@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 2 days ago

In the US, people are second class citizens to corporations

Next step, trading votes like stocks on the exchange.

[–] BetaBlake@lemmy.world 20 points 2 days ago

Can a corporation have an ID? Can a corporation have a social Security number? If a corporation dies can I burn it in a crematory to make ashes or bury it in the ground?

This is such horseshit

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 19 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Well, that's one way for States to make a pittance from rich people.

Every rich person will now open 99 bs companies to vote 100 times.

[–] minorkeys@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 days ago

Just as God intended.

[–] djmikeale@feddit.dk 15 points 2 days ago

Not American enough for me. When can I vote for corporations in elections? i want to be able to choose between voting for palantir or onlyfans for president

A "novel" ruling... Yeah that's one way to put it...

[–] Fishnoodle@lemmy.world 17 points 2 days ago (1 children)

So then if you form a do nothing LLC, do you get an extra vote?

[–] moondoggie@lemmy.world 17 points 2 days ago

I wonder how much of this is blowback from Hawaii kicking their asses.

[–] dan1101@lemmy.world 15 points 2 days ago

This is treason

[–] Steve@startrek.website 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Each employee can represent 3/5 of a vote!

[–] okwhateverdude@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

We can call it the Delaware Compromise

[–] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Sweet so if I have a bunch of Delaware corporations I can vote a bunch of times.

[–] deathbird@mander.xyz 3 points 2 days ago

You just have to have them own property in this particular town, so buy a small building, multifamily, convert it to condos, put each condo under a different LLC, one condo one vote. Or maybe buy a field, or an old farm. Not sure how many parcels you can split that up into. How many legally distinct property deeds you can pack in there. Might depend on zoning, or that might just be for building.

[–] Reverendender@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It's possible that he's actually interpreting the law correctly. It's just that the laws on this crap in Delaware are clearly batshit insane.

[–] halcyoncmdr@piefed.social 11 points 2 days ago

There's a reason Delaware is picked by so many companies to incorporate.

[–] Cossty@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

Just like we have Palantir, soon we will have Arasaka and Militech.