Ask Lemmy

A worm

I need to check if he's telling the truth

Yikes, imagine having to learn to fly. Sounds rough. I'd be a different human that I would call Rex so I could go to the store without worrying about anyone recognizing me. I'd just rather not have to worry about seeing anyone I know when I'm not in the mood.

Look, in fucking July, my species was renamed the fucking paradoxical sea Muppet (Australyichthys paradoxus), and I’m kind of fucking sore about it.

Fucking Muppet! I’m a fucking seahorse. Fucking look at me you fucking imbeciles. Human fucks! Always fucking with you, fucking shit up, fucking up naming shit, fucking up the sea, ffs they’re the fucking muppets

So, “seahorse” is my answer, thx

Whale Shark.

Some kind of big cat like a jaguar or tiger sounds cool. Agile, fast, and strong; but also cute, fluffy, and can cuddle in a warm sunny spot. Might be hard to be a vegetarian, though. Maybe I only eat in human form or something? Brb making a new Pathfinder character.

has existed

fuck yeah i'ma turn into a thylacine

i'd get so many scritches

Golden Eagle. I could carry groceries.

Black bear. I could explore the woods around my house with my new bad ass senses. I'd be the toughest dude in the hood, no other animals could fuck with me. It's illegal for humans to shoot me and we all love our bears anyway. I could finally figure out where the deer sleep and track down the coyotes I've never got close too. Plenty of fish in the creek and the swamp it comes from and plenty of trash cans in the hood. I'd chill out on people's car hoods and porches just to freak 'em out. What a lovely life.

BONUS: If I see the redneck hunter out there that hates me, I'd follow him at a distance every time he sets foot out there. 😈🖤

Do I get to turn back or is it a one and done thing?

If the latter, then probably a blue whale. I don't really want to live as a whale but I do want to know in my dying whale breaths that they'll never get the stench of my bloated 30 ton corpse out of the Australian parliament building.

Raccoon. Still got haaaaaands biiiitches

Dhole (cuon alpinus). Wild canid in south/east Asia. Pack hunters that communicate with whistles and chirps. Barcode scanner dogs.

I am already an animal, but it might be fun to be another type of animal.

Turn into an animal? Wtf are you? I am an animal. Humans are animals... so confused.

When OP opened talking about hitting the hay, I figured his animal would be a horse.

I watched a few videos about mink (minks?) a little while back, and they seem pretty neat. Semi-aquatic, tough as nails, and slippery little guys.

I'm thinking a goose, or a swan. Something where I get to fly but can also hang out on the water and just float.

Let's not forget Zeus turned into a Swan to have sex with the Queen of the Spartans. So that'd also be on the table.

90s Animorphs kid here. I've been considering this for 30 years.

And I'm not telling

A Rottnest Island Quokka. Highly promiscuous, well fed, no predators and beloved and protected by humans.

House cat seems chill.

Well you didn't add any caveats to the transformation and you said it's at will so... If mass is not conserved then I'd just turn into something heavy yet compact like a rhino and harvest infinite energy from the toggling. If I get support from a State I might even choose a whale so we can extract the most energy per toggle. You can basically build an engine from it, and since whales are like 200 tons and I'm 70kg, the conversion ratio would be pretty damn good. Though it would require a dedicated facility, which is why I'd rather go with a rhino or something, which is however about 100 times less efficient so it would require 100 times as much toggling. You get the picture.

Lobster.

I'd continue to live my normal life during the day, but transform every night to sleep, and don't age during that time. Hell, any time I'm not doing something that requires a human body, just push pause on the aging process for a few hours. Careful application could get me an extra ~40-50% lifespan for free.

The lobster's biggest problem is always having to grow new shells. If every transformation puts me back exactly where I left off, that could be an issue, but with a part-time human to stock my own tank/pool, getting enough to eat as a lobster to get the energy to do that shouldn't be an insurmountable hurdle.

Nobody said cats? I'm very disappointed. I'm going to comb my hair, look at you reproachfully, then go to sleep.