this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2025
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[–] CubitOom@infosec.pub 187 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (6 children)

An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

  • Mitch Hedberg
[–] FiskFisk33@startrek.website 1 points 4 days ago

Escalators have two failure modes: stairs, and meat grinder. Fortunately the former is the more common of the two.

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 12 points 2 weeks ago

I need some Mitch tonight.

[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Trump cant handle a flight of stairs.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 week ago

Notice how Melanie hiked up quickly so Don would have to strain his heart....she doesn't even look back.

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago

Tell that to Italy.

[–] Plurrbear@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

RIP Mitch Hedberg! I truly miss him! He was so funny! All his stand up had me laughing so hard! No one since has truly compared!

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 week ago

"Rice is great when you are hungry and want 2,000 of something."