this post was submitted on 17 Jul 2024
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Not The Onion

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We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

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  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

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[–] DxK@lemmy.world 153 points 3 months ago (15 children)

The man is the tackiest person in history.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago

Absolutely!

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[–] xantoxis@lemmy.world 77 points 3 months ago (6 children)

Saw the headline: "Haha, theonion really nailed this one"

What's the inverse of eating the onion?

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 42 points 3 months ago
[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 25 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] ChapulinColorado@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago

Shitty Supreme Court candidates made sure I know the existence of boofing…

[–] ArbiterXero@lemmy.world 21 points 3 months ago (6 children)

I don’t know, but it tastes like shit.

It’s getting SO HARD to separate reality from satire.

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[–] Mango@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

The topic of this sub.

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

Eat the onion long enough, and the onion eats you back.

[–] Tyfud@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago
[–] whodatdair@lemmy.blahaj.zone 55 points 3 months ago

I want off mr. bones wild ride.

[–] EvacuateSoul@lemmy.world 50 points 3 months ago (5 children)
[–] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 42 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Yeah they’re out of the shoes, too.

[–] Hadriscus@lemm.ee 3 points 3 months ago
[–] Sloogs@lemmy.dbzer0.com 30 points 3 months ago

When I try to think of things that would sell out quickly, clown shoes were not on my list but here we are.

[–] jumjummy@lemmy.world 30 points 3 months ago (1 children)

That’s $1.5M. Eternal grifting.

I love the disclaimer of “The images shown are for illustration purposes only….” Meaning the final product will probably look 1000x worse.

[–] Bremmy@lemmy.ml 2 points 3 months ago
[–] Sidyctism2@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 3 months ago

dont tell me those are the actual shoes.

holy shit. i dont have any deference for the us-flag whatsoever, but if someone showed me these shoes and a video of somebody pissing on the flag, i would be hard-pressed to say which is less respectful of the flag

[–] Kerred@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Limit 3 pairs instead of Limit 1 pair sounds odd to me. As if it's intended to be scalped.

[–] _stranger_@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

One to wear, one to seal away in the vault, and one to resell immediately.

[–] Mishmash2000@lemmy.nz 44 points 3 months ago (3 children)

That explains why it took Trump so long to reach out to the deceased's family to offer his condolences, he was too busy brainstorming ways to cash out on the tragedy?! Disgusting!

[–] DandomRude@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

And still all he came up with was the same ol' shoe scam all over again.

[–] Aceticon@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Should've gone with the Holy Bullet-deviating Bible, IMHO.

[–] loam@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 months ago

He will probably try to make it up to the family by giving them the extra valuable 'manufacture defect' shoes. Non-autographed, but more rare!

[–] Kerred@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

That sounds like too much effort in his part. I feel like it's more like Krusty the Clown, where he was shown three images, pointed to one, and everyone else did all the work as fast and cheap as possible.

[–] Leate_Wonceslace@lemmy.dbzer0.com 41 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Trump's grifting his own assassination attempt. Has it even been a week? What the fuck? Is he fucking broke?

[–] awesome_lowlander@lemmy.dbzer0.com 21 points 3 months ago

Is he fucking broke?

Hasn't he been broke for years now?

[–] mPony@lemmy.world 15 points 3 months ago

morally bankrupt

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

Yeah. Dude leveraged buildings based off inflated value for loans to build buildings that he then leveraged to build....

Hardly any of his "worth" actually belongs to him.

[–] zalgotext@sh.itjust.works 34 points 3 months ago (1 children)

On top of being tacky, insensitive, and greedy, this is also going to reinforce all the people who believe the assassination attempt was staged.

[–] cley_faye@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

At this point, if we use the age-old question of "who would benefit from the crime?", we'll get very weird results.

[–] m4xie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 3 months ago

The whole world

[–] iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works 30 points 3 months ago

Absolutely thought this was the onion.

[–] fernlike3923@sh.itjust.works 22 points 3 months ago

I thought I ate the onion...

[–] Leviathan@lemmy.world 21 points 3 months ago

Everyone: Trump's gonna use this assassination attempt to sway voters!

Trump: buy my limited edition assassination sneakers!

[–] BlackLaZoR@kbin.run 19 points 3 months ago

With these sneakers, you won't miss any special event!

[–] DogPeePoo@lemm.ee 14 points 3 months ago

Apparently they massage your little bone spurs

[–] NarrativeBear@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Probably won't make a killing

[–] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 5 points 3 months ago

Pretty tone deaf move.

[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

Home shopping network for supply side Jesus fans. Damn, every time I think it can’t get dumber.

[–] HubertManne@moist.catsweat.com 3 points 3 months ago

ok. ok. surely they could not sink lower (makes sense from my recent chat history)

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