Not The Onion
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We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
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- ...their original headlines, that...
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And that’s basically it!
Wtf how is the onion supposed to keep up with this shit
By waiting until people are used to their shit and posting completely normal stories about them. No one would believe them.
"Republican has a change of heart when their 12 year old daughter gets pregnant, now supports abortion. "
No, I think that one's fairly common. So is just "Republican gets pregnant, now supports abortion - but only for her specific circumstances".
Okay, that's a red flag. Someone check his hard drive.
If anything objectionable comes up, your accountability partner gets an immediate notice. I’m proud to tell ya, my son has got a clean slate.
"Myself, on the other hand? Petabytes of CSAM."
I think his son checks it often.
...Wait, were you intending innuendo or not?
50,000 files of drag queens and transgender porn show up
god these people are fucking weird. so fucking weird.
You spelled weird wrong.
It's spelled, *psycho.
he installed “accountability software” called Covenant Eyes on his devices in order to abstain from internet porn
Covenant Eyes sounds like some Handmaid's Tale shit.
Hey, I have a local cult that uses that software.
https://www.dwellchurchcolumbusisacult.com/
They also like to pack a bunch of students into one apartment and then charge each of them $700*/month in rent.
*(Don't take my word on the numbers.)
I swear, every week I see an article that makes me say, "oh shit, The Handmaid's Tale is starting"
Next step up from using confession material for blackmailing parishioners
Is porn intake measured in sieverts or mW/cm² or what?
What level is considered safe?
Asking for a friend.
Npps aka Naked People Per Second
Not to be confused with NiPS. (Nipples per second) Which indicates how many definitely female nipples are in view per second. This is a better metric as many scenes are shown with partial clothing and therefore don't get counted in the NPPS metric correctly.
Pretty sure it's millipervs.
With this guy, it's more like megapervs.
I think the SI unit is faps but the Americans still use yanks.
Same software the Duggar pedo used?
abuse software for abusers
So what you're telling me is, that Johnson and his little Johnson measure the usage of each other's Johnsons?
Ok, how many burner phones does he have?
Dude, I'm willing to bet the son has at least one.
"I’m proud to tell ya, my son has got a clean slate."
A quote like this tempts fate. I thought he was trying to avoid temptation.
There is no normal, only weird and weirder. Beware the normies, for they are least normal of us all.
As a parent, thats just some shit you don't wanna know. Like idgaf if its furry or scat shit keep it to yourself, kid.
Isn't this the kind of thing TOR and a private browsing session was made for? Additionally this is just bizarre.
Maybe it's a way to make sure they don't forget. Like "oh hey bro i saw u had some lewds in ur history make sure u go incognito next time" "Damn u right man good lookin out" fist bump
Its really creepy and intrusive. But at the same time, I can find really fucked up porn with literally zero effort.
I mean, if your kid has terrabytes of rough incest bdsm porn people will ask why you werent monitoring their internet use, but monitoring them like this feels like a different kind of weird.
Shit, if your kid has terabytes of train videos you need to intervene. Terabytes of any specific thing and... son we need to talk
Thats what I mean, how do you know unless you're either using this shit or searching the HDD. I was a kid back when porn was Jpgs traded on floppy disks or grainy 480x320 10 second realplayer clips.
Nothing creepy about that
It must be that software that you install that lets your "accountability buddy" check your browsing activity.