A place to politely discuss the tools, technique and culture of photography.
This is not a good place to simply share cool photos/videos or promote your own work and projects, but rather a place to discuss photography as an art and post things that would be of interest to other photographers.
What your in-laws do for a living? Tell them to do it for free for you. That will settle the matter.
I have a photographer friend helping me out, I pay him with a big discount he offers me and I help him build websites, which is a huge bonus for him seeing my work products are more expensive than his on the market.
So if they weren’t willing to pay you, trade for something else.
Hot Take; The "Family and Friends rate" is full frickin price!
Pay the artist in your family their fair wage if you appreciate their work
I have no qualms doing a free shoot on my terms but being told to do one really irks me. I guess like most comments have said, be honest about how busy you are and turn them down gently.
A big tip on how to nicely say no - is if you talk about things AHEAD of time. People don't realize how powerful this is...If I know a holiday is coming up, and my in laws will be around, and I already dread the X Y Z issues that will inevitably come up, then I will bring up the issue to my wife WELL AHEAD of the holiday season - a month in advance, and then mention it again a week prior.
It is much, much easier to talk about edgy topics when we're not currently involved in them. When you're in the heart of the matter at hand, everything is uncomfortable and sensitive. Have a talk to them about it some time beforehand, about how you love to help however you can, family is of prime importance to you, but when it comes to professional photography, if really isn't your thing. You can explain why, and tell them you sincerely hope they understand, that it is nothing personal, and that is all you can do. Beyond that if they make themselves hurt, that's on them. You can't sacrifice your well being for the sake of others, but you can hope to reconcile as best you can within reason.
"Unfortunately, in a bid to keep my work-life separate from my family life, I need to step back from doing photography for family members. I can happily recommend Photographer X, but I need to create this break". I feel for you, I've done a close friends 50th birthday, and swore then, never again - I wasn't treated as a friend, just a photographer, and the icing on the cake was when she credited everyone who sent her phone pics, but when mine arrived after 10 days, I didn't get a mention.
My awful boomer mil volunteered me to take her wedding photos, both last minute and for free. I did take them, but with her personal camera at her request. After, she wouldn’t give me the photos to edit. Jokes on her since so much is in the editing. We’re no contact now and I hope her photos suck.
The equivalent probably happens with most professions. So a doctor or a vet gets asked questions according to what they may be able to answer. Same for trades.
Draw up boundaries and politely decline. Come up with any excuse you like. Or if you're like me and can't say "no" then it may be easier to make peace with it and just give them a bit of a response up to a level you're comfortable with, and you'll sleep better at night.
When I stopped taking my camera to family parties, I started being invited less often :-) Which is the best, because I don't really like family gatherings. Although now, when my whole family is under russian occupation in the south of Ukraine, I would be happy to photograph them all. If only because my parents are already in their seventies and I don't know if I will ever see them alive.
I hope you get to see them soon ❤️
Thank you. I also pray about it every day.
You need to explain the time it takes to do a shoot (prep, shoot, and post) and how it cuts into family time and professional paying gigs. Let them know your paying clients come first. Many people think photography is art-free, but it is artwork. And every free job is a loss of income and devalues photography as an art.
I get asked to do family weddings and such all the time, but I decline those and say you need a professional wedding photographer, and I can give you some names if you like. When asked for weddings and it to be the gift, I simply remind them that they just asked for a $2K-$5K dollar gift, or whatever you would charge for an event, and how many hours pre-, and post are included in that fee.
When getting it for free they placed no value on the photos. For years I covered an event and provided approx. two hundred photos for a non-profit, which I edited only to find out they didn't give the photos to the participants and that the board members kept them for themselves. I finally told them that if I have to use a third-party processor for editing it is ten dollars a photo and at two hundred photos it's like a two-thousand-dollar donation. They started getting someone else to do the photos and I got to enjoy the event when I could attend.
Our immediate family recently took a Disney vacation and all but one day I shot photos my adult son wanted with my professional camera. It was annoying since you can get Disney employees to take the photos and pay for them, but my son thinks mine are better. He also knows he going to be waiting a while for them as one of my parents lives out of town and is in the hospital for months while I run back and forth on pet duty, house-sitting, and hospital duty.
You may decline, as others have suggested, but it's not always easy/desirable with family, or you could accept, but providing rules and boundaries. For example, you may look at your appointment calendar and find a free spot in a moment far enough in the future so to not block major clients ("ok, the earliest I can book a session for you is 18 march 2024 at 8.30 am"). If they protest, calmly explain that you are fully booked before and you have a lot of post production work to do too. If they insist on having it done before that date, offer to pay for them a session with another photographer (less expensive than you). Hopefully they'll understand that your time has a value.
“I won’t be able to do it this year. My schedule is full due to the holiday’s sales, I’m sorry, I’m not even getting enough sleep” which is actually true.
The only acceptable middle ground I can find is offering them a session during your slow season, not a last minute Christmas card session.
When it comes to things like this you need to create a circle of influence around you and make decisions based on the people and well how much impact saying "no" will have on your life. Your In Laws for example you may consider that is part of a family obligation at this point and need to carve out time for it each year; but make it that you are setting the schedule "I can do it on one of these two days and can only spend X hours taking the photos" is the way you phrase it to them.
As it expands out to other family and friends it does come down to saying no to them. Friends, well you should not be doing that for free; you need to start charging them for the services you are offering them and suddenly you will find that few are asking you to do it. Make it a deal compared to what you would charge an actual client for a similar shoot but still put a price tag on it. With family you can apply the same thing but how you handle it should be based on how close you are to that family member. Your sibling you may still offer up a free shoot under time constraints where a 3rd cousin you should be charging full price.
As annoying as these folks are a large part of the problem here is you. It is not just saying "no" to people it is putting the value on your time. People are asking you to do things for free that you normally would charge for. Yes some people you should be willing to do this for but if your friendship with someone is going to be based on if you take free family photos for them; perhaps you need to find a new friend. If you have a hard time flat out telling people no, then put a price on your time and make it a business transaction. I get this is not the type of photography you most enjoy but that is a good balance and does not just deny them access to your photographic skills
If it happens every year, I'd just bake it into my schedule since I know it's gonna come up. I'd streamline the process as much as possible by telling them "Hey, I don't have a lot of room in my schedule this year. I can meet all of you at TK place at TK time for a half-hour and squeeze everything in. Dress seasonally and be on-time because I have another engagement after that I can't be late for. Looking forward to it!"
(Use this if you can do a session later.) If you can tell them, "fam, I am sorry, but this is my busiest time of year. I know this has become somewhat of a tradition with the family, but I have client work that I need to attend to now. We can plan a family session in the Spring (or whatever time is less busy for you) and we can discuss dates later. Thank you for understanding.
(Use this if you can't do a session later.) Hey, fam, I know that I have set an expectation in the past of being able to squeeze in a family session during the holidays. That was ok when I was starting out--I had a lot more free time then. Since then, I have built a very busy business, and client remain means that I no longer have time during the holidays to add on extra work. I am very sorry, but I cannot accommodate the family photo shoot this year.
Do you eat at their house for free?
My cousin did one free photo shoot for our entire family and then told us not to expect it often because of the amount of time and work it takes. He set that boundary from the beginning, and everyone seemed to understand. But when someone in our family does ask him for a photo shoot he does give a family discount .
Honestly? If you don’t have time, say that. I usually follow up with a friend’s contact info who’s doing family minis.
I try to head this off each year by offering a day to do everyone’s family photos. My little gift to them. More often then not, they pay or have a service I need/want (mechanic, babysitting, bake my favorite dessert, etc.).
Regardless. It’s not a big deal. Don’t add it to your plate of stress. They’ll get over it or they won’t. Not your battle.
I feel your frustration. I am an art documentation/archival photographer and have a mother-in-law that is an artist. I learned to say "No" after she asked me to document for prints "a few" paintings for free. Specifically, she told my wife to tell me to do it for free. A few paintings became over 50! I mentioned that a job of this scale would cost $2500 and be about 20 hours of work. I got the simular, "You like photography", "Is this really a job or a hobby?" I no longer shoot for family. (I'm also hanging on to the images until I see some compensation.)
One of the best moments of my photography career was when I learned to never, NEVER, work with family or friends.
You need to find time for your family. You are best person in the family to preserve memories. They will last the lifetimes of your in-laws, you and your kids.
My grandfather passed away recently. I was going through his BW pictures, some from 1930’s. I wished there were more of them. We looked at the family members and talked about their lives, struggles and achievements.
Having family requires sacrifices and doing things that you do not want to do all the time. But it gives their help, support and love in return. Maintaining relationships is hard work.
Just ask your in-laws for help with kids while you are editing or preparing the set. You do not have to do it all alone. Ask for help to rest and recover from stress, leave the kids with them and go on a mini vacation for a weekend.
Life is about living in harmony with your friends and family. They need your help and you need theirs. It takes a village to raise kids. Do not do it yourself. Get in-laws involved. At the end of someone’s life people seldom regret losing a client or a missed deadline but they seriously regret strained relationships and lost opportunities for human connection.
Dear OP, I empathize. I also struggle with people-pleasing and it's hard to say no when clearly people have Expectations, and in this case it seems like those expectations were reinforced by you giving in to them for years - so it may be even more difficult to change them. Some people seem to have this idea that photography entails simply pointing the camera mindlessly and pressing a button. I know some people who used to think this way, too. This is why I took it upon myself to gently educate all my acquaintances and family about my profession. Most were curious about what I do anyway, and whenever I was asked I deliberately chose to introduce some technical aspects to fight the "just press the button" mentality. It was fun to see their mindset changing as we talked (especially the ones with more technical professions who viewed photography as art for the lazy and who suddenly discovered they have another fellow nerd to talk to), and for me personally it worked because I addressed the core problem, not the symptom. Just saying "I don't have time now" opens up the possibility that I may have some time in the future or paints me as the villain who won't help out a fellow family member/friend with "just a short photo session". But since I've started to talk to them and try to make sure they understand and respect what I do as any other profession, nobody expects me to do professional work for them for free. I take my camera with me and take candid photos at family gatherings when I feel like it, but it's not expected. If anybody wants family portraits, professional headshots, etc., the only preferential treatment they get compared to regular clients is that I will try to squeeze them into my schedule if they have a legitimate reason why they need the photos sooner than I'd normally be able to schedule them. Oh, and my strategy had another, unexpected result - now they not only understand what I do and some of my passion for photography, but many of them recommend me left and right! Anyway, I hope this helps. It's just my personal experience, but in my case most people were open to learn more about what I do and change their previous (and wildly inaccurate) ideas about what a photographer does. However, I'll say it was not easy to open up in the beginning, when I felt judged and taken advantage of. It got easier the more I saw the results though, and the more I realised it was more a case of ignorance and not them intentionally trying to get advantage of me.
I get around this by refusing to photograph people in general. People are so dumb that they think ‘nice looking camera means camera owner take pics of all subjects.’ Human beings are difficult, but somehow family and friends can be the worst ones.
Nothing annoys me like being asked to do my work for free
“Hey Aunt so-and-so! I do not any availability this year as I am totally booked out with fashion and commercial clients. Business is booming, yay! I am happy to refer you to a few portrait photographers in the area that have similar editing styles to the work I have done for you in the past.
Let me know if you’re interested in a few names!”
Let’s them know that
Communicate just how much work it is, so that they appreciate it. It's fine to communicate to them that you feel unappreciated. It's alright for family to want help, but it's not ok for them to not appreciate it.
Communicate just how much work it is, so that they appreciate it. It's fine to communicate to them that you feel unappreciated. It's alright for family to want help, but it's not ok for them to not appreciate it.
"Feed a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime."
Gift them a starter DSLR with a kit lens (wide angle) for Christmas. Let them know you're getting too busy to have time, then sometime during the year, either teach them yourself, or spring for a workshop on how to take family portraits.
They find out what else they can do, get GAS*, and they'll be off to the races.
*GAS=Gear Acquisition Syndrome
I just be an adult and say no.
lol thanks bro