this post was submitted on 01 Oct 2025
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[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 63 points 6 days ago (3 children)

I have taken 3 polygraphs on my life, and I lied on every one of them. None of the polygraphers caught the lies, but every one of them accused me of lying on questions that I hadn't lied on at all.

Polygraphs are voodoo. I would NEVER take one with my life or freedom on the line.

[–] Barbarian@sh.itjust.works 22 points 6 days ago

They measure stress. Kind of ironically, it's likely more reliable on people that think it works and thus get stressed while lying during the test. Of course, it can't tell why you're stressed so false positives happen a lot.

[–] ripcord@lemmy.world 8 points 6 days ago (2 children)

What led to taking 3 polygraphs?

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 10 points 6 days ago

2 were for jobs, and one was after money turned up missing. We all knew who took it, but they wanted to polygraph two other people first, before testing her, and I was chosen.

I would take it for a job, and would probably lie just for fun, but if it was because I was accused of a crime, and it could contribute to me going to prison, I would absolutely refuse.

[–] burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de 7 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Probably applying for certain jobs. I know that any job touching sensitive information from courts is required to have had employees tested before getting a job, at least in my area.

[–] ayyy@sh.itjust.works 11 points 6 days ago (1 children)

This is insane. It selects for only incredibly stupid people who don’t believe in reality getting the job.

[–] burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 6 days ago

only incredibly stupid people who don’t believe in reality

Nah, it's worse than that. It selects for people who are willing to submit to things they know are bullshit when told to do so, because they think the outcome is worth it. If I am recalling this correctly, I think there are actually laws prohibiting polygraph tests for job applications, but there are specific exceptions for these jobs. It's absolutely insane. That means there were lobbyists somewhere making sure that their industry was given an exception when the politicians were writing the law. Like, I can't even imagine who would be paying for those lobbyists.

[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 4 points 6 days ago

This has nothing to do with finding a leaker. All they will do is check the individuals voting record to see if they are deemed a lier or not. Did they vote for Trump the last 3 times? Yes? Welcome to the inner circle. (this totally won't backfire...)

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 40 points 6 days ago (3 children)

The guys who invited a reporter to a fucking WhatsApp convo want to hunt for leaks?

[–] Tiger666@lemmy.ca 4 points 6 days ago

Underrated comment.

[–] Mjpasta710@midwest.social 3 points 6 days ago

Government custom modified Signal, though the point still stands.

[–] resipsaloquitur@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago

And what’s that guy in the mirror hiding?

[–] daannii@lemmy.world 35 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

It's pseudoscience. Lie detectors aren't real. They don't work.

They can pay me to come in and read palms and do tarot readings. Probably more accurate.

Idiots.

[–] IndridCold@lemmy.ca 1 points 6 days ago

I have some chicken bones left over from last nights dinner. For only $1000 a head I'll throw them on the ground and tell you all about someone.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 44 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)

What a maroon. Polygraphs are a famously flawed pseudoscience. Might as well ask them to look you straight in the eye to prove they aren't lying.

[–] glitch1985@lemmy.world 20 points 6 days ago (2 children)

There is a reason they aren't admissible in court. You can have the same results by flipping a coin.

[–] Randomgal@lemmy.ca 13 points 6 days ago

Quality of evidence doesn't matter if you control the courts. tapshead.gif

[–] Saledovil@sh.itjust.works 10 points 6 days ago

Worse, actually. Polygraph are biased against the truthful.

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 3 points 6 days ago

If his hands werent so tiny, I bet Trump would do the firm handshake test.

[–] Gates9@sh.itjust.works 27 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Yes, they know polygraphs are inconclusive, this is obviously about systemic harassment and abuse. It’s part of the purge.

[–] MehBlah@lemmy.world 7 points 6 days ago

They filed charges a few years on a guy who wrote a book on how to beat them. If they did that then they know they can be manipulated. If they can be fooled then they are useless. I read a article several years ago that stated the first scientist the US government hired to study them concluded it was pseudo science. They were fired and replaced by a group that concluded they worked. No surprise there.

I can't find the article to match up with that statement anymore but there are plenty studies debunking them. I want one to play with. I can to a certain extent manipulate my heart rate. I found this out when I had a heart attack. They hook me up almost every time I go in the hospital which I've been back three times. I can alter my heart rate to slow down and speed up enough make it alarm. I can also control my blood pressure if I'm in the right frame of mind. If I can do that I'm sure I could manipulate a polygraph. I want to be able to write my name with one.

[–] maxxadrenaline@lemmy.world 25 points 6 days ago

Leaks? Prolly another signal chat between Pete and tulsi. Traitors.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 15 points 6 days ago

Polygraphs™ - an advanced AI powered system that asks the test subject complex questions such as "Who did you vote for?" and "Would you stand up and shout 'MAGA' whist doing a salute?".

The admiral-general irl meeting confirmed to them they need to purge the military chain of command if they wanna do any couping.

[–] brianshatchet@lemmy.world 16 points 6 days ago

Maybe do the right things and dont alienate people and tou won't have to worry about leaks.

[–] quackerjo@lemmy.wtf 16 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

This a guaranteed to be a gigantic shit show that will become an unmitigated disaster, if they don't end up abandoning it early on.

I can't fucking wait.

Imagine these morons going on a tear and firing 20% of the bureaucrats at the Pentagon.

The majority will be fired based on false positives and office politics. Those rounds of firings will then cause so many of their former colleagues to start leaking information, in addition to the leakers that passed the polygraph.

I'm seriously giddy at the thought.

[–] LittleBorat3@lemmy.world 11 points 6 days ago

This is just about removing everyone they don't like because there was a spike on the e-meter Polygraphs don't work as well as people think.

[–] cyberpunk007@lemmy.ca 7 points 6 days ago

Except they don't work...

[–] killea@lemmy.world 139 points 1 week ago (7 children)

Gee I sure am glad polygraph tests are proven lie detectors and have no issues whatsoever! It's almost like hearing someone mention phrenology now.

[–] ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de 8 points 6 days ago

They're almost entirely bs. Their actual use is just a psychological means to assist with interrogation. It gets a lot of people to answer questions differently than they otherwise would have while being interrogated. It works well against anyone who isn't completely confident in their knowledge that the machines don't actually work.

[–] brbposting@sh.itjust.works 3 points 6 days ago

Honeypots / web traffic monitoring can work though

Everyone Googling “beat polygraph” gonna be in doo doo!

[–] Catoblepas@piefed.blahaj.zone 34 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You better watch out, they’ll find out you said that when they start performing seances.

[–] athairmor@lemmy.world 19 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My chiropractor told me seances were just a bunch of voodoo.

[–] Whostosay@sh.itjust.works 7 points 6 days ago

Thanks, I hate it

[–] grue@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago

I mean, they're fascists. They're almost certainly into full-on eugenics, let alone phrenology!

[–] zd9@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago

And it's almost like, those who have been trained and operate within military and intelligence are the best at compartmentalizing information, making it really easy to beat those... Almost like it.

[–] Archangel1313@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 week ago

They work perfectly...if all you want to know is who's nervous about being interrogated.

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[–] Archangel1313@lemmy.ca 39 points 1 week ago

"Leaks". More like a "loyalty test".

[–] Zephorah@discuss.online 29 points 1 week ago (3 children)

How are polygraphs still a thing? They don’t work as intended.

[–] Feyd@programming.dev 13 points 1 week ago

They do work as intended. As a "bad cop"

[–] criss_cross@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago

You expect drunkey maclunkey to know that?

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 26 points 1 week ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

"Are you now or ever been a member of the communist party?"

[–] undefined@lemmy.hogru.ch 7 points 6 days ago

I have a friend that recently received a green card and they asked him if he was communist. Shit really had me cracking up.

[–] DrFistington@lemmy.world 20 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Now is a good time to be friends with like the half dozen polygraph techs employed by the government...

[–] zd9@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Something tells me counterintelligence technicians who operate polygraph equipment lean pretty heavily on the conservative/MAGA side. Maybe not MAGA, but definitely conservative.

[–] DrFistington@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I mean, they know they're snake oil salesman... So there's a good chance you're right. Then again, it's very easy to befriend a MAGAt. Be white, complain about immigrants and Brown people. You pass their sniff test. Then once they trust you, use it to your fullest advantage.

MAGAts love to think that everyone secretly agrees with them, which will ultimately be their downfall. Not even 30% of white Americans under 50 are MAGAts. And those are the people that have guns, can soldier, and can easily gain trust.

accidents happen all the time. A stove burner gets left on, and HVAC exhaust pipe gets blocked, etc.

Oh, and you're already seeing this. That's why all the recent mass shootings/targeted killings have been perpetrated by MAGAts. They aren't a cohesive force. They don't even know friend from foe

[–] AdamEatsAss@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago

Isn't hegseth the leak? How many unsecure group chats with random people has he made now?

[–] MyDogLovesMe@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

There’s a book, written by s former “operator” of a polygraph. The book speaks of the machines EXTREME limitations, and also explains how one would screw up the results.

But, despite the uselessness of the machine, they’re just looking for people with the wrong politics. Plain and simple.

Plly is a pretext for asking “questions”

[–] plyth@feddit.org 3 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

If Palantir is at work they can already have the answers. They only need a pretext to fire the people that don't fit.

Nevertheless nobody dares to speak up from now on. So many bad ideas will bind so many resoures. There will be so many Homer's cars. It will be interesting.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Pete Kegbreath's guide on how to engineer a military coup against yourself in no time.

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