this post was submitted on 10 Oct 2025
452 points (97.3% liked)

Not The Onion

18340 readers
1136 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] phutatorius@lemmy.zip 2 points 18 hours ago

My favorite spritual attack is to think of people like Peterson and try to visualize justice being done.

Believe me, if spiritual attacks worked, they'd be scraping him off the walls with a trowel right now.

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 214 points 3 days ago (8 children)

So, the champion of cleaning your room :

  • Is addicted to drugs
  • Can't keep a room tidy for shit.

Amazing.

[–] dumbass@aussie.zone 55 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Am I Jordan Peterson?

I fucking hope I'm not.

[–] beejboytyson@lemmy.world 37 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] dumbass@aussie.zone 23 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (7 children)

Jordan Peterson isn't a dumbass, he's a fucking idiot, completely different, dumbasses are fun and have redeemable qualities about them, we don't know what we're doing, but we're having fun doing it, fucking idiots are just miserable sacks of shit with no redeemable qualities at all.

But I could be wrong , I don't know wtf I'm doing anymore.

load more comments (7 replies)
load more comments (7 replies)
[–] Jhex@lemmy.world 50 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Isn't it amazing this asshole got rich by spewing BS focused on "alpha males" and a full on "macho" attitude, yet they avoid any personal responsibility like it's acid.

It isn't the many drugs this guys has taken all his life.... nooooooo... it's a spiritual attack from someone else

[–] P1k1e@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I think it's more amazing that anyone could take "alpha male" advice from a guy who's this much of a wimp

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] merdaverse@lemmy.zip 26 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Ok, which one of you jokers paid the Kirk witches to hex this guy?

[–] DarkSurferZA@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Listen man, if this was a thing, I have a list...

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

You should get that list hexed

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 17 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It was the Antifa Spiritual Warfare division.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 4 points 2 days ago

JP has been under the influence of benzos hexes for a quite a while.

[–] IndridCold@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 day ago

I'm sending him spiritual attacks in the form of thoughts and prayers karma comes for him.

[–] Jaysyn@lemmy.world 43 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Oh good, the spells are working. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[–] SpookyBogMonster@lemmy.ml 34 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Etsy Witches are on a roll lately

[–] FlyingCircus@lemmy.world 19 points 2 days ago (3 children)

The last No Kings protest in my town literally had a coven of witches standing in front of the courthouse casting hexes on Donald Trump. It was pretty legit.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] dontbelievethis@sh.itjust.works 102 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Lmfao that quote is incredible

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 83 points 3 days ago (31 children)

I don't like the man, he seriously sucks, but he needs an official wellness check. He's clearly becoming increasingly mentally disabled and things like this keep happening in his daughter's custody.

That's not a spiritual attack, it's mold induced pneumonia in a man with brain damage. He could easily be less capable of resisting the mold. Why the fuck was a man with brain damage trying to clean a moldy room without assistance‽

Like, seriously for all I hate the man I really get no joy from this, I don't want him taken away as punishment or anything, I'm mostly concerned for him. I don't think that the Peterson of a decade ago would be putting the Peterson of today in these positions.

[–] phutatorius@lemmy.zip 54 points 3 days ago (2 children)

My empathy is with the mold in this conflict.

[–] krooklochurm@lemmy.ca 22 points 3 days ago (2 children)

How would you define mold? How would you define conflict? How would you define is? That's what I thought.

[–] spacemint_rhino@lemmy.ml 20 points 2 days ago (4 children)

(Kermit voice) What do you mean by mold? Mold in the metaphysical interpretation is a the creeping darkness of social isolation in the post modern environment that young men find themselves. Mold is the hidden predator that consumes even the dragon, the darkness that reflects the greater unknown that surrounds even the leviathan. If you take Moby Dick for instance, mold is the true antagonist, the great depths that surround and threaten both the protagonist, your physical self, and the whale, your metaphysical antithesis! It’s perplexing and I’m just on the verge of being able to understand it and perceive it, it’s right on the verge of my limitations to understand! tears up

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 35 points 3 days ago (8 children)

He absolutely would if he thought he belonged to one of the out-groups to be persecuted. This fucker has shown no empathy towards others and has played a big part in the rise of fascism we're seeing today. He deserves no pity.

load more comments (8 replies)
[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 25 points 3 days ago

Nah, fuck that fash, he's welcome to follow his leader any time.

load more comments (28 replies)
[–] hanrahan@slrpnk.net 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This dude is like the faux intellectual conservaties Joe Rogan, I'm genuinely sure he has a mental conditon as well, so I try not to shit on him too much.

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 11 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

hes called a pseudointellectual, his psychobabble in his earlier years seem like its a good idea, but if you dissect it, its meaningless gibberish meant to give mostly Men false hope. someone like kirk is anti-intellectual and pseudointellectual.

[–] Juice@midwest.social 30 points 2 days ago

I love how much his grifter daughter is trying to kill him. Dragon of chaos goes hard

[–] Raiderkev@lemmy.world 27 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Maybe he should clean up his room.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] BroBot9000@lemmy.world 69 points 3 days ago (8 children)

First Charlie Kirk and now potentially Jordan Peterson. What is this Xmas? 😂

load more comments (8 replies)
[–] Chozo@fedia.io 60 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Yeah, I don't think it's mold. Or demons. Dude's 120% back on the benzos.

[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 41 points 3 days ago (5 children)

Benzos are super potent mast cell inhibitors, coming off that insane benzo addiction has probably highly sensitised his mast cells which signal for the immune system. Exposure to mold is a common trigger for those with mast cell related disease. As are many foods which he has eliminated

load more comments (5 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world 53 points 3 days ago (2 children)

as well as a spate of neurological issues that have apparently left him unable to regulate his emotions.

How can they even tell? He is just like that.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] bradv@lemmy.ca 47 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Regardless of whether it’s the mold, the diet, a spiritual crisis, or good old-fashioned demonic assault, we can only hope Peterson recovers. Sure, I don’t agree with him about anything, but this weepy, deranged, overemotional basketcase does more to discredit conservative thinking than an army of well-meaning social justice warriors, so I can only wish him a long life.

[–] Draces@lemmy.world 42 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Dude is responsible for indoctrinating so many desperate kids that just needed any kind of direction. He is not discrediting conservative thinking. Is this author living under a rock?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] garbagebagel@lemmy.world 44 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Dear mold, please do JK Rowling next. Thank you 🙏🏽

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] melsaskca@lemmy.ca 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I never wanted him to get sick. I just wanted him to stop forcing his opinions on the public. Can't he just holler at the TV like most older folks?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] pleaseletmein@lemmy.zip 35 points 3 days ago

So much for “clean up your room”.

[–] PalmTreeIsBestTree@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago (4 children)

I guarantee his daughter is poisoning him so she can take his place and make even more grifting money

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (4 children)

Legitimately. After seeing the vultures trying to put on Charlie Kirk's skinsuit it seems like the way to rise up in the grifting ranks is to kill the current grifter and take their place.

Edit: I don't think people state enough that charlie kirk had hundreds of millions of dollars at age 31. He was well on his way to retiring as a billionaire. The guy was literally a sellout and now there's at least a dozen grifters lining up to get at the billionaire money-faucets he had.

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Cruxifux@feddit.nl 29 points 3 days ago (10 children)

THE WITCHES STRIKE AGAIN

seriously contemporary media is just as stupid as it was in early puritan colonialism. Why.

load more comments (10 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›