this post was submitted on 06 Jan 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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all 32 comments
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[–] sangriaferret@sh.itjust.works 71 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Alligators generally aren't all that dangerous. They are not aggressive at all, especially not toward humans. But they fucking will be if they know you have food and then you're fucked.

[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 63 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Technically we all have food in us.

[–] hansolo@lemmy.today 27 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Incorrect. I only have poop and wine inside me.

[–] baguettefish@discuss.tchncs.de 33 points 2 days ago (3 children)
[–] betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 20 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Merde and Merlot Mondays aren't for everybody.

[–] fleem@piefed.zeromedia.vip 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] anomnom@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 days ago

Bone apple tea!

[–] hansolo@lemmy.today 6 points 2 days ago

It's cool, it's keto.

[–] deacon@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

Great breakfast though.

[–] Tangent5280@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Also vomit if you ate within the last couple hours

[–] hansolo@lemmy.today 3 points 2 days ago

No, that's the point. I hadn't eaten since lunch, so all i have is wine, maybe a touch of bile, and poop.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 33 points 2 days ago (1 children)

God help us if they ever figure out that we're food

[–] sangriaferret@sh.itjust.works 16 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Even if they did, humans are way too big for them to bother with. They are lazy as fuck. Food practically has to fall into their mouths.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 15 points 2 days ago (3 children)

So, don't put baby in the alligator mouth. Got it.

[–] Godric@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Instructions unclear, I have put a baby alligator in my mouth. It tasted like chicken!

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Are you sure it wasn't a caiman?

[–] Godric@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

No, caimans taste more like crocodile, common mistake!

[–] SanctimoniousApe@lemmings.world 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I heard that's how abortions are done in red states now - just gotta get 'er done solo so nobody can challenge the narrative.

[–] seraphine@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

aww man, you ruined my weekend plans!

[–] 0ops@piefed.zip 7 points 2 days ago

The hell am I supposed to do with these babies? I can't afford a trip to Lake Michigan in this economy

[–] Whostosay@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 days ago

I've seen these fuckers eat water buffalo

[–] peteypete420@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 days ago

Thats why they get a bag of marshmellows

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 4 points 2 days ago

So they're the black bears of the large reptile world.

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 18 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Fried alligator is fucking delicious. Even better if they're fed exclusively on marshmallows and purple drank.

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)

California doesn't get a lot of sea turtles so it makes sense

[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 13 points 2 days ago

It probably gets more than Kentucky.

[–] Someonelol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 2 days ago

US swamps must have so many diabetic gators.