There used to be cops who knew how to deal with people on a human level.
Then 9/11/2001 happened and every cop in America was told that they were the front line of the War On Terror.

Basic common sense was replaced by The Punisher mind set.

Pre 9/11 cops would have looked, reported that it was just a snowball fight and walked away. These idiots had to be tough guys.

Whew, they're in stable condition. Anyone see the video floating around? I can't find it.

made me think of this reddit story

Swarming kids are no goddamn joke, man. So - true story. And yes it's relevant.

In the U.S. Marines, doing a mock war in the Norwegian city of Trondheim with the Dutch, Germans and other allies, training in urban combat. My infantry unit was positioned in a large soccer field next to an elementary school. Keep in mind there was no actual combat, even simulated; it was mostly just practicing maneuvers and tactics. But we still looked out of place with weapons and gear, etc. It's fucking February. In Norway. Cold as balls. Snow up to our knees. Norway obviously has no snow days, so the kids were all in school.

Anyway, so Norway has this most delicious and amazing delicacy, I have no idea what it's called, but it's basically a bacon-wrapped hot dog; we just assumed it was called Candy of the Lord. As Americans we were naturally and instantly addicted. You find them at gas stations, and there just happened to be one on the other side of the school where we were camped. A few of my fellow Marines and I requested permission to go to the gas station and we set out on our way.

We made it to right about where the main entrance of the school was, and the doors opened; school was out. There were only a few kids, probably 6 or 7 years old. Lots of talking and laughing. Gawking at us as we walked by, with our guns and huge ridiculous snow suits. One precocious little bugger made shooting noises at us. We made shooting noises back.

And then someone in my group. I don't know who. God help me I don't know who...

Someone threw a snowball and hit a little girl in the leg.

And those little Norwegian children unleashed hell.

There was a shrill cry in unintelligible Norseman and the doors to the school burst open. School children flooded out like a never-ending flood of something that never ends. Screeching, smiling, sprinting - how the fuck were they sprinting?? - little bastards were slinging snowballs faster than the laws of physics should allow. It was like that movie Elf. If you can imagine riding in a fast car in a snowstorm and sticking your head out the window. Now imagine the snowflakes that are hitting your face are the size of snowballs. We couldn't fucking see. We couldn't run. We could barely breathe. Holy fuck....

We tried to return fire and threw one, maybe two half-packed, shitty snowballs that fell apart in the air, arms flailing like drunk octopi. I am from Texas. We were a unit stationed in North Carolina. We were so outmatched and out of our element, it only made them laugh harder. We were cutoff from our main forces. We tried to perform a flanking maneuver but fuck me they were fast. I think some of them were throwing rocks!

My comrades. I could see them speed waddling in their huge suits back to camp like a fucked up pair of white Teletubbies, under withering fire. Fuck tactics, fuck me, fuck the Candy of the Lord, this was survival! I was the slow one in the group. My snowboots were too big but they were the smallest size they had at Issue goddammit!! My Marines left me behind.

I tried pulling my hood over my head and keeping my head down. No longer content to pelt my defenseless body with ballistic snow, the enemy swarmed me and dragged me down, cackling like a pack of hyenas descending on a wildebeest. I tried to sling them off by spinning. I came out of one of my boots and fell. I began to scream and plead for them to stop but they neither understood nor gave a single Nordic fuck. They literally pinned me down with about five kids on each limb. It was then that I actually thought - oh shit. I'm really in trouble. My snow-mittens were ripped off and flung into trees. They started shoving snow down my suit. Have you ever had anyone drop an ice cube down your shirt?

Well now imagine someone shoveling handfuls of ice cubes down your shirt. It literally shocked the breath out of my body. Thisishowidie.jpg.gif

They left me laying like a Family Guy accident victim. Moaning and screaming in the cold. Rifle packed with snow and dirt. Boot buried some-fucking-where. They ran away laughing, jabbering in their crazy language. I lay there trying to figure out just what in the great American fuck had happened.

TL;DR - Norwegians discover way to defeat American Marines using bacon and small children.

LPT -don't ever, ever get in a snowball fight with Norwegian school kids.

TIL - there are more names for shoving snow down peoples' clothes than should be reasonably expected.

EDIT - Wow. Thanks for the GOLD and thanks for all the kind words! You guys rock. Glad I could make you laugh with my inadequacies. hahahaha. Worst snowfighters ever.

EDIT EDIT Candy of the Lord= baconpølse, and yes - it was filled with cheese! Very important detail that I left out. Sorry.

More evidence that they have too much funding.

I'm not saying we should take away all of NYPD funding, but I think a moderate approach would be to cut their funding in half every year.

Can't even call them snowflakes any more because they're even afraid of that

Snowflakes pelted by snowflakes. The commissioner must have an icy cold brow. The perpetrators are snowed.

Why were they "responding to a snowball fight"? What broke law were they investigating? What even made them go there? Yes the police shouldn't of taken it to this level but also which grumpy person even called the in the first place?

What kind of weakling has to go to the hospital after a snowball fight

Police are investigating after officers were hit with snowballs while responding to a snowball fight? Well this has got to be the shortest investigation in history surely. The answer is right there in the first sentence!

Furthermore, why on earth are police "responding to a snowball fight"? Who called the police? Why even bother calling OR responding? It's a snowball fight! Have these dickheads never heard of "fun"?

"New York City police investigating lake after officers got wet after walking into it."

In a statement Tuesday, the New York Police Department said multiple uniformed officers were struck in the face with snowballs and were "removed by EMS in stable condition" to a nearby hospital, but did not disclose additional information on their injuries.

What injuries? It was a fucking snowball.

how many ppl were killed by Ice this time?

officers were pelted with snowballs while responding to a massive snowball fight

Fuck Around

Find Out

We'll put a snowball in your face. 🎶 It's the American Way 🎶

I mean they have to, the officers were assaulted with projectiles of dihydrogen monoxide!

To learn more about this deadly material, check out this helpful site: https://dhmo.org/facts.html

American police... the ultimate weak cowards