Greentext

Then discovers he can't afford therapy

happiness comes from within

In my experience, having a constant companion has a positive feedback loop. People you can continuously interact with - joking, catching up, eating together, helping one another out, just Netflix'n'Chilling... it's reaffirming.

But it is a loop. You don't just wake up happy forever. There's ups and downs. There's psychical and emotional adjustments. You're not immune to despair. You just have someone you can be glum around who - ideally - fills you in on the lows and rides with you for the highs.

If you've got a bunch of mental baggage going into a relationship, your partner (ideally) helps you unpack that shit and dispose of it. Or, at least, shows you their own baggage, so you know you're not alone. It doesn't just go away instantly, but over time you can put it behind you precisely because you've got someone else in your life affirming your own worth.

Congratulations on correctly reading the post.

I'm saving this for when someone sends me a friendly message and I don't know how to respond. It will probably derail my relationship, but at least they know what happened.

It could also just be good ol dysthymia. That's what I have and I feel OPs mood.

He's a nut! Crazy in the coconut!

Alright, stop showing off. Crikey!!

On a more serious note, nice one.
In my twenties and very early thirties I was convinced (and planned) to be dead by 40. I figured what's the point of getting old etc AND being depressed etc etc.
Then I met my now wife and everything changed. She didn't know the true extent of how bad I was, and mostly still doesn't. No one does because I was a master at hiding it.
To everyone else I was the life of the party, the comic who made everyone laugh etc etc.

I still have my ups and downs, but that's life. I spend every day trying to make her life better, which doesn't always happen. But, again, that's life.

Truly. Hopefully this post judges people towards treatment; people want you, they want you to be better, they want to share their love with you.

Nope.

Time heals all wounds. But you do have to stop picking at the scabs.

Get a gf. She says "good morning <3". You feel like shit, so let her know. "<3 you too. Rough start. Hope your day is going better." You might be surprised what you get back.

It's funny, there was another thread a while back about a girl who meets a guy and clicks. They hook up. She keeps trying to be sweet to him and he ghosts her. So she goes into her own depressive spiral because she assumes she's the one who isn't enough.

Other people have shitty days too. Other people are going through what you're going through. Other people will understand. Reach out, speak your truth, and if that chemistry you had at the beginning meant anything it'll mean they're sympathetic to your plight.

And then go do some fun shit together. FFS, it's a nice time to be alive. Get some sun, eat some food, suck in some fresh air, and hold hands. See if that doesn't put you in a better mood. Sometimes it really is just a bad start to a normal day.

Nothing gets better until you make it better.

Nobody is coming to save you. You have to save yourself.

Many people spend their entire lives waiting to be saved. Just like they piss away their money gambling and drinking and wondering why they are poor, rather than saving their money and building a nest egg.

Stop waiting, start taking charge of your life.

28 year old here, depressed since 14, nearly kms at 18 and then stayed suicidal till 26.

It do get better. I got a job, bought a house, got a gf, started practicing hobbies, socializing more and working on self discipline (But not self degradation)

Now instead of being consistently 2-3/10 I'm about 5.5/10. Still not a full blown optimist but I don't want to die anymore.

It does. But you have to put in the work. You have to try.

It does.

I've experienced symptoms of depression for as long as I can remember. Over the years I tried a lot of different treatments, medication, therapy, etc. None of it ever worked.

I lost a lot of jobs and friendships because I simply didn't have the energy to do the bare minimum. I divorced the love of my life in part because I could see how much my chronic illness was weighing on them.

I was never suicidal but I've frequently wished I was because that at least would provide me with an option to stop the unending apathy.

There's never going to be a point in my life when I'm not depressed. I'm gonna have to be very disciplined and work hard to maintain a level of functioning that I consider suboptimal. Mistakes made when trying to judge how much energy something will take or those unavoidable times where you simply need to push yourself more than is comfortable will be setback that could take days or weeks to recover from.

But I have reached a point in which I'm content a lot more. I have a partner that loves me and they're great. I'm a more-or-less reliable member of a local anarchist collective and people appreciate me and come to me for advice. They're respectful of my limitations. I've been reading more and trying new hobbies. There's people who love me and I love them.

I can look at a sunset and appreciate its beauty. Yesterday I was singing along with some punk rock while driving and kinda enjoyed it. I baked cookies to share with people and I look forward to handing them out. I found an empty snail shell on the street and it was pretty enough to make me smile.

Is my life amazing? No. Do I have to work very hard and be very disciplined to achieve what most people seem to have naturally? Yes. Have I reached the point where I think that work and discipline is worth it more often than not? Definitely.

The best advice I can give you is to do things anyway. Seek out things that are, at least in theory, fun or enjoyable. If there's something you'd like to try out but it feels scary or not worth doing, try do it anyway. Look for what makes it easier.

Imagine the coolest possible future version of yourself. Try to take small steps to move in that direction. For me that was things like painting my nails, going to Pride, joining a protested, learning to wield a sword... For my partner this was dying their hair, going out to party, learning to make fire... However it looks to you: try to do it.

It does. Unfortunately, it requires a great deal of honest introspection and tough decisions.

Middle aged here. It does not.

So... Depends. My whole life was just either being alone or in short relationships, one night stands and just fwb. I was quite happy with that, because i knew that i would lose interest almost immediately. I always felt bad for it, because it sucks, especially if the other person doesn't feel that way. Thanks to tinder and other shitty dating apps, it wasn't that big of a deal, because it's easier to find someone and communicate expectations and so on. I was convinced that i'll never have a "real" girlfriend. I was even convinced that love isn't real. I have never told a girl or woman that i love them, i thought other people would just fake love, because they found someone they like and rather have that than being alone.

So now, almost 6 months ago, i met this woman on tinder. She wasn't looking for anything serious, and neither was i. We hit it off immediately and we met up shortly after. I wasn't sure if she liked me, but she was really nice and funny and just absolutely stunning, and way too smart for me. But we met again and again. When we met for the third time, we were in bed and we talked for hours, and i asked her if she knew that i loved her. And she said she loves me too. She told me how she was never truly happy with anyone, and was always rather alone. But she loves me, and always wants to spend time with me. And i feel the same way. She's the first person i have ever met that i want to spend as much time with as i can. We plan on getting married, which if someone told me that 6 months ago, i would literally point and laugh at them for hours. The mere thought of getting married was bizarre to me, unthinkable. Only idiots do that. But here we are now.

Honestly? It depends. You can make it better, if you try or make it worse if you don't. This sounds like they were not "lonely" that was just something they could blame it on.

Go do something. It doesn't really matter what. Exercise, join a rpg group, join a maker space, move to a new city, change jobs, join a group about off roading. It doesn't matter, learn to cook, learn to bake. Just do something.

Laying in bed or staring at a monitor/TV won't help. Most people will get into a mental loop of how they are bad because they don't have any real comparisons of real people. You may make mistakes but you will see other people make mistakes too.

Regarding relationships I love the quote from Jimmy Carr (yes he has dark humor and often is offensive) "don't think what you can get, think what you can provide".

The key to happiness is having zero expectations.

anon rediscovers stoicism

The key to happiness is having zero expectations.

I disagree. Zero expectations leads to rotting if you're down already. As I understand it, zero expectations almost equals zero trust.

Lonliness is a significant driver of depression in modern society. Finding community and relationships can absolutely help. In fact friends and partners are generally the first people we need to talk to about our feelings.