No Stupid Questions

Because most countries have been patriarchal for most of human history. Old habits die hard.

When I get married, I'm thinking hyphenated, with her using her last name first, and vice versa. But last names can be pretty large. Idk how to tackle that.

I'm a fan of the hyphen strategy. I really don't wanna change my last name just cause I fell in love. But hyphenation sounds like a good compromise.

This isn’t a thing in India unless there is a ‘value’ in the surname.

I took my partner's last name because I like their family more than mine, and I liked the idea of no longer being associated with my family.

But I think most people just want to do what is normal or expected of them, so I would imagine that is why most women change their name. Not doing so would go against the grain, putting them in awkward situations where they have to explain they didn't take the last name.

I went from a "normal" western last name that was ethnically coded (like McCoy) to another ethnically coded name (like Nguyen, or - um - Fink).

My options were to keep a common and dull name that I share with people I don't like, get a new one (that I'd need to spell to every customer service representative ever), hyphenate (HELL NO), or make up something new (which would involve a shitstorm among relatives on both sides.)

The only real options were A and B. I was undecided until we were leaving the county courthouse after we were married. He asked me "are you going to change your name?" He didn't care. He thought it was a weird custom and was curious. And I realized - this is an opportunity. It's a relatively easy and socially acceptable way to shed your old name.

I took it.

The new name honestly messes with quite a few people who are meeting me for the first time, and it's interesting to see how they react. I've had people ask straightforward questions (I prefer that - there's an easy and straightforward answer), get half-way through a straight-up racist comment before they stutter to a stop (helps me get to know them), get all the way through a racist comment (again - helpful to know where you stand), or just not comment at all (just fine by me).

I've found that it's not the worst way to get a read on someone.

tldr: part spite, part novelty, part legitimately helpful when your profession means you need to meet strangers and get a quick read on their personality/potential biases/willingness to be straightforward when there's no reason to be weird about it

I think each woman has her own reasons (some people actually like traditions) but I have the impression that, globally, women are not the same as what we see online. I think today the taking of a surname does not indicate ownership or property, at least to most modern women (and men).

I don't think any woman thinks like that anymore, or perhaps not many, so the motivations would then also be obviously different.

Yeah but it's easy when both parents already had the same last name 🪕

It's pretty helpful for medical emergencies and getting through border police as a family.

I think the only correct answer will be "there are lots of different reasons".

My wife took my last name, even though it's not a good one and I suggested that we pick a new one.

Here are a couple of her reasons:

1. She wanted us to have the same surname.

2. She was very close friends with my cousins growing up, so the name didn't seem weird to her.

3. Tradition - she'd always assumed she would change her name to her husband's name, so that seemed the most normal thing to do.

I'm actually gonna be taking my girlfriend's last name. Mine sounds hella stupid and is also slang for an unflattering body part, I got bullied a lot for it growing up so I will spare my children and take her last name cause it sounds super fancy and cool.

Two short answers: Tradition and simplicity.

If you have different names, which one do the kids get? Also, it's sometimes challenging to fill in school forms when your kid has a different last name than you.

My wife didn't and years down the line she says she wish she had. We have to go through more with medical things and such to show we are related and it was like a simple checkbox for her to do it when we got married but to do it now is a major pain in the ass.

I have a coworker whose maiden name is Dykes. She was very happy to change.

Pew Research has survey data germane to this question. As it stands, a clear majority (79%) of opposite-sex married women changed their family/last name to their husband's.

But for never-married women, only a third (33%) said they would change their name to their spouse's family name. 24% of never-married women were unsure whether they would or wouldn't change their name upon marriage.

From this data, I would conclude that while the trend of taking the husband's last name is fairly entrenched right now, the public's attitude are changing and we might expect the popularity of this to diminish over time. The detailed breakdown by demographic shows that the practice was less common (73%) in the 18-49 age group than in the 50+ age group (85%).

However, some caveats: the survey questions did not inquire into whether the never-married women intended on ever getting married; it simply asked "if you were to get married...". So if marriage as a form of cohabitation becomes less popular in the future, then the change-your-family-name trend could be in sharper decline than this data would suggest.

Alternatively, the data could reflect differences between married and never-married women. Perhaps never-married women -- by virtue of not being married yet -- answered "would not change name" because they did not yet know what their future spouse's name is. No option for "it depends on his name" was offered by the survey. Never-married women may also more-strongly consider the paperwork burden -- USA specific -- for changing one's name.

So does this help answer your question? Eh, only somewhat. Younger age and left-leaning seem to be factors, but that's a far cry from cause-and-effect. Given how gradual the trend is changing, it's more likely that the practice is mostly cultural. If so, then the answer to "why is cultural practice XYZ a thing?" is always "because it is".

Well, my last name isn't my mom's last name, it's my dad's, and her last name was her dad's, then her husband's. So why do I care, I don't get a matrilineal name anyway.

I hyphenated, because we both had kids when we got married, and it made it easier to deal with the school stuff for my stepkids.

Otherwise, I really just don't care because my family name is my dad's name and it was only my mom's name because she changed hers to his. Not that I didn't care about my dad, was closer to him than my mom. I just mean I don't feel like it means anything.

ETA: as the OP says, though - I really, truly don't understand it when a lady has a cool last name and the man an awful one and they still use his. I used to work at a payroll place and saw this happen over and over, someone would be calling up for us to change their last name from, say, Valiant or DeLeon to Assing, or Fuckler or something . Really, why wouldn't he be the one happy to change in that scenario?

To all the people here arguing that it's easier to have a family name, especially with children: It's also possible that the husband takes the wife's name. But from anecdotal evidence in my acquaintance, most men are very opposed to this idea. So if the woman wants a family name she has to change her name or have endless fights about it. That's why most women I know did it.

Having the same last name is just an easy way to show togetherness and unity. My wife kept her last name because she earned her MD with it but she's fine going by Mrs. (my last name) in a parental setting.

I suspect a lot of women despite not wanting to be considered property, still place value on belonging with their partner. The western tradition of the man being the figurative head of household is still pretty prevalent. These two factors (and more, I'm sure) likely have some influence.

My husband and I were not married when our kids were born. I wanted to have the same name as my kids So I gave them my maiden name. I never really liked that name and I wasn't particularly close to my dad, so when my husband and I got married, we all changed our names to his.

At least for my ex-fiancée it was about the link between husband and wife, plus tradition. It was basically "I'm married, you see?". Just like a ring.

(We talked a fair bit about this stuff, as back then I was planning to add my maternal surname to my legal name. She was OK taking either surname.)

One other reason I imagine is to establish a single family name, especially with children in mind. I'm not sure it actually works better than a double damily name, but it probably seems so to some.

My wife took my last name because she had her father’s last name. He abandoned her shortly after birth and never attempted to get in touch with her. He quit jobs to avoid paying support. She did it to remove that last vestige of him from her life. Had she had her mother’s last name we would have hyphenated our names together.