He killed him by being near him
this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2025
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The Pope had this really hot couch and JD fell in love with it at first sight. JD asked the couches father (the Pope) for the couches hand in marriage. The Pope, thinking this was a strange joke, laughed at JD's request. This filled JD with rage so he slit the popes thoat and began fucking the hot sofa.
As he bled out the pope was forced to watch the repeated violent defloration of his favorite piece of furniture.
I love how this is thread is basically lemmyshitpost lmao
I mean I don't think I know Vance killed him. See Trump can make stuff up why can't we.
Vance is pure evil. Pure evil needs to feed to sustain. In the face of pure evil the pope lost all hope and then Vance fed upon his soul.
Because the pope deadnamed him.
James Donald Bowman is a massive cuck and deserves to be reminded off his biological father for as long as people in the USA can't choose which gender they prefer.
He's both a subordinate of the Anti-Christ and Russian asset. He was called upon to kill the pope to initiate the Pope election process that they can manipulate in order to get a more "pro-apocalypse" Pope in place.
The Pope cried out “take me JC!”
Unfortunately his right hand man is a bit hard of hearing, and let JD into the room…
The flu of America*
Tap for spoiler
*Formerly known as influenza or Spanish Flu.
Vance saw this sexy ass chair And he just had to fuck it. I had to get down and dirty with that fancy seat. The pope tried to get in his way.
Vance is too stupid to kill him, he'd fuck it up for sure. Did you see him drop Ohio State's trophy the other day? The guy is a total fuck up. He'd end up putting the Iocaine Powder in his own tea.
Nah, it was someone in his entourage that did it.
Did you see him drop Ohio State’s trophy the other day?
Maybe he dropped the Pope?
Jealousy.
I THOUGHT this was FAKE NEWS but I'm seeing it All Over Facebook so it MUST be True that JD Vance KILLED the Pope!
-Republicans who Do Their Own Research and STILL Love Trump!
JD Vance just existed
The pope died of cringe from experiencing Vance's presence.
I don't know, but he better have said thanks
Sure didn't see this one coming, ironically. Before the pope had passed away I commented this on another post.
Bet the poor Pope couldn't even attend because in addition to his health issues he must have felt the evil pressure oozing from Vance.
Welp, poor Francis. He was a good one, and difficult to replace especially in these uncertain times.
The silver lining is that he really made his last big act in life to admonish Vance, and by extension the Trump admin, about their wrongdoing. He has my gratitude for that.
JD got over excited by how the pontiff choose to couch his words.
The pope told JD that no one in the tRump regime, or any other self-proclaimed christian in the USA was anything near being a christian. Per Matthew 25:40-45
JD didn't do it on purpose. The most reasonable answer is the Pope accidentally walked on JD in a tender moment with a loveseat. The Pontiff laughed himself to death.
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Same as Liz Truss killing the queen. Sometimes, when you're old and in poor health, you just experience something that makes you think "fuck it, I don't need to put up with this shit anymore."
Lol .... this is it
When you're at the end of your life and hanging on the edge looking for a glimmer of hope .... then you get visited by an absolute tool that is only motivated by greed and power and represents a general apathy for any kind of humanity ...
you just think to yourself, "yeah, nah, this isn't worth it any more"
Especially if you genuinely believe in an afterlife. At some point, you think, "Why am I tolerating this tool? I got MUCH better places to be."
I don't think it was on purpose the Pope was just too frail to be in the same room as that much cringe. Frankly it was irresponsible of them to allow Vance anywhere near him.
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Just want to point out this is what furniture in the Vatican looked like before Pope Francis
And then after Pope Francis
Damn, dude really wrecked the Vatican's economy!
If anyone really cares, that's because Pope Francis was from the Jesuit Order. The first pope to be one. They swear poverty among other things, so the golden chair wouldn't look appropriate.
Also South American Catholics are a bit more hardcore about the poverty and activism stuff. I don’t think Francis was necessarily full on “liberation theology,” but I can’t imagine probably knowing priests who got “free helicopter rides” for standing up for poor and indigenous people probably does impact how you think.
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Yeah, as far as popes go he was pretty chill
Still needed a way to finance a billion dollar corporation with tens of thousands of prime real estate all over the world managed by a legion of professional clergy all managed by a central office that is it's own country at the center of one of the most expensive cities in the world ..... all while spreading the message of piety, peace and being humble.
As much as everyone likes to glorify catholic leaders, they're still a mafia force that is based on money and wealth and Christian faith last
For sure, but as long as the mafia exists (which looks like it's going to be for a good long while still) I want it to have the leader who will do the most good possible, even if it's still a net negative. There are those out there who would use the resources to do a lot of harm.
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Finally gets to visit the pope; does't get to fuck the fancy chairs. 😔
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Well the Pope ghosted JD, so JD obviously ghosted the Pope.
Fancy papal couches that were unfuckable.
Because Biden is catholic
Vance took off his human mask and showed the pope what a demon looks like.
The pope asked the Trump administration to be kind to immigrants and the poor. Can't have talk like that from the church.
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The Pope showed him his latest meme
He thought it was the seat of Catholic power and was driven to a frenzy.
Being anywhere in Trump's orbit speeds up your trajectory towards death like Matt Damon in Saving Private Ryan. Donald Trump is, essentially, a biological version of "The Machine" from The Princess Bride pushed to 50.
Since the pope was only secondarily contaminated, the process was slower, but he was already so close to death as it is.
Death by cringe
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