Ask Lemmy

it gets better, don't let other people ruin your self... West Coast big cities will treat you like a dime a dozen and you will probably find big groups of like-minded people. Even in my city which is more conservative has a good sized alternative scene.

i wish you the best friend

I came from a midwest city of ~400k people that was surrounded by small towns. It was a culture shock when I came to the Bay Area and all the servers at a cafe had tattoos and piercings (this was 20 years ago; the midwest has caught up with this). When I lived in the midwest, they made me take my earrings out to deliver pizza.

Big cities are absolutely more accepting of diversity. You said yourself that the Pride parade is pretty large. Go get a feel for things. You don't have to have some transformational sense of acceptance. It might happen slowly due to the years of repression (but maybe it's right away, which would be awesome). I'm happy that you're looking for where you fit well because there are definitely those spaces. Good luck!

I’d say in the U.S., no one will even notice in New Orleans, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Miami, maybe Chicago and NYC but a place like Dallas or Jacksonville would be less tolerant. A place in the northeast like Boston or DC would be culturally less permissive but you’d be safe. They’re tolerant but have a puritan history (Boston) or are culturally sort of conformist (DC), for lack of a better term. DC is very much not hostile but it’s small-c conservative in the sense that everyone wears suits to work and it’s not counter-culture.

I live in New Orleans and am cishet — so don’t take my word for it — but even my “boring” high school friends own multiple dresses because of Mardi Gras and Red Dress Run and events like that. No one cares about gender conformity here but drive more than a hour away and it can get unsafe quick.

I can’t speak for coastal California but I’ve been there a bunch and it seems similar. No one is even gonna notice in San Francisco. It’s just expensive as fuck.

Most urban centers — especially coastal ones — are pretty chill about it in 2025, I would say. But you should ask residents. New Orleans and San Francisco are, in my experience, not even going to notice. But most cities aren’t actively hostile. If you prefer suburban life, I’d look at college towns.

Which city in which country? TBH I'd be wary about being openly GNC anywhere in the USA right now, but even there there are degrees to this.

I think yes, generally it is more acceptable in bigger cities to "be yourself" than it is in rural areas. I believe that's because it's simply more diverse when you have more people, so you tend to grow up to be more accepting, most of the time, not always.

I (33F) grew up in a big city and moved out to the country as an adult, and the differences that you see, I also see. I was raised to love and accept everyone for who they are and now I'm surrounded by co-workers and neighbors who are consistently just waiting for the brown people to leave the room so they can talk shit and be mean. Its disgusting and I hate it here.

Depends on the city. I live in San Francisco, and honestly I see almost as many gender nonconforming people out and about as I do gender conforming. There are trans flags waving all over the place. A few years ago a bunch of Trumpers tried to have a rally in Oakland and people threw stuff at them until they left lol

Come to London, most people won't even give you a second glance, zero fucks given

In my city is not safe to be gender conforming. The queer gangs rove at night.

In the US? I'd say it's pretty safe to be a little gender nonconforming unless you're really out in the sticks. If you were properly nonbinary I would be a little more careful, but still most people will live and let live.

As a trans person, we have a lot more to fear from the federal government than from our neighbors, at least in ~80% of the country.

I get that you're worried, but you should be honest with yourself: Even if it's not safe (which I don't know since I'm not from the US), do you want to keep on this mask that you clearly despise for the rest of your life? Life is full of trade-offs, and as far as I can gather from your post this trade-off is worth it even if fascist goons do want to jump you (which I doubt because there are many more jumpable targets in US cities).

As a trans person who just escaped NYC, not in the US. Even in a "blue" city (though NYC is run by Trumpers).

It used to be safe but it's only getting worse by the day

Lots of people saying it is not safe. Don't let that stop you being you, there are still lots of people being their true selves, find them and you will be fine.

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