this post was submitted on 13 May 2025

337 points (94.2% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

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337

Oh god (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 1 month ago by kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world

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[–] trslim@pawb.social 81 points 1 month ago (2 children)

My husband? Normal day.

[–] kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works 28 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Well looks like u got the best option

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[–] Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 72 points 1 month ago (3 children)

[–] RushLana@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I only have a table to my left... Well this is gonna hurt.

[–] arrow74@lemm.ee 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

My couch is the only object on my left

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[–] x4740N@lemm.ee 6 points 1 month ago

Put The Cat down shane dawson

[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmynsfw.com 5 points 1 month ago

I'm assuming that that's the "before" photo

The "after" would be the same, but with matted fur

[–] 9point6@lemmy.world 37 points 1 month ago (4 children)

I just walked past a parked car as I read that—it's been nice knowing you all

[–] lime@feddit.nu 19 points 1 month ago

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[–] peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 29 points 1 month ago (3 children)

A couch. Is this like one of JD Vance's fantasies? To be fucked by a couch?

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[–] ThisIsAManWhoKnowsHowToGling@lemmy.dbzer0.com 27 points 1 month ago (4 children)

He's innocent!

Oh no.

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[–] rockerface@lemm.ee 26 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Toilet paper? All according to plan

[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Same but would be maybe better to not have it go all the way up

[–] kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 month ago

I guess he's trying to deep clean the pipes

[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 19 points 1 month ago (1 children)

A 30cm offset serrated bread knife? At least the base is vaguely flared.

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[–] brokenlcd@feddit.it 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What a horrible day to be working around mig welding machines.

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[–] Chef_Boyardee@lemm.ee 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm not putting my cat up my butt, you fucking weirdo.

[–] Dragonstaff@leminal.space 8 points 1 month ago

You don't do everything a picture on the internet tells you to?

[–] Flamekebab@piefed.social 13 points 1 month ago

looks at radiator dubiously

[–] Routhinator@startrek.website 13 points 1 month ago

Well.. it's a door. At least my ass will be closed for business after that.

[–] serpineslair@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago

A wall?!

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 10 points 1 month ago (4 children)

My fiance is 5' tall. I'm going to literally explode.

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[–] iamdefinitelyoverthirteen@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

It's a car. RIP

[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmynsfw.com 9 points 1 month ago

OK, there's actually a banana to my left, but I already did that today

[–] guiguinofake@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 month ago

Poor cat

[–] reddfugee@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

My poor Blåhaj…

[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

A entire bedroom wall

[–] sfled@lemm.ee 8 points 1 month ago

I now own a Browntooth speaker.

[–] baggins@lemmy.ca 7 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I'm lying on my right side in bed so I guess the ceiling?

[–] MelodiousFunk@slrpnk.net 6 points 1 month ago

Same, except mine has a fan on it. 🪦

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[–] Hadriscus@lemm.ee 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Of all guitars, why did I choose a ten-string one

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[–] banazir@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Well shit, I guess I have to re-enact 1 man 1 jar...

[–] kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 month ago

Oh lawd not again

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[–] DaCrazyJamez@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 month ago

This is rather convenient, as the object to my left is a roll of toilet paper

[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 month ago

There’s a window, but just outside the window is a tall skinny CACTUS

[–] Diddlydee@feddit.uk 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It's pointing at my finger, so an easy one.

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[–] Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I was leaning against this when I opened the post:

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[–] owsei@programming.dev 6 points 1 month ago

A double width bus chair

Fuck

[–] Enkers@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hairbrush. It'd fit fine, but it's got rubberized paint that's coming off the handle. :/

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[–] unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 1 month ago (4 children)

A towel. Idk how im gonna make this work. Maybe if soaked with enough lube or oil 🤔

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[–] BluJay320@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 month ago

Not sure how a television is gonna fit, but here we go

[–] justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 month ago

The wall? I wonder how that's gonna work

[–] Zomg@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Water heater 😮‍💨

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[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

a nice soft blanket. not sure how much will fit but I bet when I take it out it'll feel like taking packing out of your sinuses after an infection.

I can BREATHE!

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