this post was submitted on 28 May 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] red_bull_of_juarez@lemmy.dbzer0.com 187 points 1 month ago (3 children)

These glimpses into the world of the stupid and mentally ill are as fascinating as they are disturbing.

[–] Cheradenine@sh.itjust.works 104 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Bro, did you not hear? One of the nurses was a QT3.14, he didn't get her digits, and she probably thinks he's highly regarded, but he saw her. Surely that counts for something

[–] aeshna_cyanea@lemm.ee 16 points 1 month ago

he's just like me fr

[–] DontTreadOnBigfoot@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

she thinks he's highly re~~g~~tarded

[–] GreatRam@lemmy.world 36 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] Etterra@discuss.online 8 points 1 month ago

She's in Canada, you wouldn't know her.

[–] oce@jlai.lu 40 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The writing is too coherent, it's 4chan stupid role play.

Which is still a sign of some mental illness, I'm sure.

[–] MDCCCLV@lemmy.ca 20 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Wouldn't you feel like a fool if'n this guy figured out the secret and was out there taking 50 cal rounds to the face.

[–] LordWiggle@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I think he doesn't need a 50cal round to the face as his brain is already damaged enough.

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[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 132 points 1 month ago (3 children)
[–] rayquetzalcoatl@lemmy.world 33 points 1 month ago (2 children)

God that's so fucking awesome lol, what a hero

[–] Acinonyx@lemmy.sdf.org 11 points 1 month ago (2 children)
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[–] Etterra@discuss.online 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

He'd get faster results from eating really old watches.

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[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 24 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Imagine his embarrassment when the charcoal just neutralizes all the toxic mountain dew and energy drinks in his guts, his ulcers heal, digestion improves and he feels better with more energy and then decides to go out and take up surfing, where he meets a nice girl on the beach and they hit it off and eventually get married and raise a bunch of kids, then BAM outta nowhere, 27 years later, hit by a truck.

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[–] hypnicjerk@lemmy.world 93 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."

getting outraged over this nonsense says so much more about you than it does about OOP having a giggle.

[–] drspawndisaster@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 month ago

I think the top picture is a banana with brown spots on it. And the bottom picture has the most obscene lighting I've ever seen.

[–] FilthyShrooms@lemmy.world 60 points 1 month ago (4 children)

I wonder what crayon flavor is his favorite

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] sfled@lemm.ee 11 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Crayola has many colors but lead isn't one of them.

[–] Sweetpeaches69@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

He has a strong career in the Marines in his future, for sure.

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[–] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 42 points 1 month ago (2 children)

This is why democracy is doomed to failure.

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 11 points 1 month ago (11 children)

what's the alternative? I'm actually curious

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 month ago (3 children)

A good education system with good funding.

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[–] Retrograde@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

Dictatorship, duh

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[–] PanArab@lemm.ee 42 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Why is the nurse still on Qt 3.14?

[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 26 points 1 month ago

He should get her number to help her update. She'd probably be grateful.

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 9 points 1 month ago

Because she's not a full gallon.

[–] Nalivai@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

It was the last one that was pure c++, before they started playing around with all this QML stuff

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[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 34 points 1 month ago (3 children)

He took this old skeptic joke and ran with it.

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[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 32 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (10 children)

This guy thinking real life works by rpg rules where blocking or being hit slowly raises your defense stat.

If this idiot had gone from... a .22 pellet ... skipped over .22short, skipped over .22lr... and gone to .223?

Thats a fucking necked, rifle cartidge.

Something like 15x the energy in ft-lbs or joules than a .22 short.

He would have blown a good chunk of his leg off.

... Anybody ever see photos of the aftermath of when a SWAT squad is stacked up prior to a door breach, and one of em accidentally fires a round into the back of their buddy's knee?

You lose your fucking leg, amputated at the knee.

I could find and NSFW spoiler post the images I've seen, but I do not want to look up nor see that shit again.

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[–] lemmur@szmer.info 31 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Anon wins the greentext of the month prize.

[–] Opisek@lemmy.world 15 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I dispute, there is no green in the greentext.

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[–] nuko147@lemm.ee 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm pretty sure, about what he voted.

[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 20 points 1 month ago

The brain worm commands an offering of lead.

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 18 points 1 month ago

Anon just moved too quickly. Avoid impatience when you’re doing important work like this, or else you’ll squander months of effort.

[–] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 17 points 1 month ago (2 children)

They don't dig the bullets out usually because it causes more damage for no reason. Stop believing everything you read someone say on 4chan.

[–] Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

It's likely artificial and homosexual.

Sure, but it could just as well have been dangerous to leave in. You must have serious issues to post on 4chan, so I'd say this story is at least plausible.

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 8 points 1 month ago

You're supposed to shoot yourself in the foot.

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