would have thought he'd have preferred
....a nail gun.
this post was submitted on 22 Feb 2026
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You beat me to it. I saw a post probably almost 20 years ago by a kid on Facebook talking about how he got banned from a Young Republicans Facebook group for giving this answer. His reasoning was: it's a carpenter's tool, not a weapon, and used to help people and improve the community. Kid actually read the Bible and got hate for it.
You can't actually read the bible and be an honest republican. Poor kid, he needs to get better at predicting what his superiors want him to say if he wants to get anywhere in the republican party.
That's the gun of a carpenter.
Love that answer, stealing it!
Dawg, Jesus's weapon of choice is literally in the Bible, Matthew 10:34:
I have not come to bring (a) peace(maker) but a sword
Dude's immortal, he's not afraid to get up close and personal with it
According to a gun video in "And the Wiener is...", Moses and Jesus used guns to team up and defeat the Romans.
Jesus would obviously use an an AK47
Edit. Just talked to Jesus, he uses a 12gauge shotgun loaded with buckshot. Says he likes to take care of things up close and in person
The 1911, good enough to be used 40,000 years in the future. Good enough for Jesus.
1911
Actually, he'd carry a 0.
jesus was jewish, so
I'd have said Desert Eagle. He did some time in the desert and he died doing a spread eagle (at least half)
What is this?
a jewish gun
Yes it's an Isreali gun, but I was asking what the model was. It's an IWI Tavor.
Self proclaimed fans of Jesus portraying him as a fan of one of the least faithful 1911s is quite on brand.
Jesus would either rock a Styer AUG or a FN P90 because they are objectively the coolest guns
I wanted to have a differing opinion, but then you said objectively, and I realized you used it right. Damn it.
I mean maybe Jesus has different criteria for firearm selection than objective coolness
Look. If he’s God incarnate, then he would know what’s up. They all shoot bullets, right?
He also had some things to say about the rich so maybe he prefers a Kalashnikov
Humble but demonstrably reliable? Maybe.
But when I look at the aug? Divinity.
I mean, the other option is a flamethrower that runs on Holy oil, so...
FN P90 because they are objectively the coolest guns
I was thinking a Taurus Judge....
I think Jesus would carry a Hi-Point C-9, because it'd be all he could afford in this economy.
He is after all a humble man.
That's what I always assumed. What else would Jesus use to murder immigrants and U.S. citizens?
A Sig? Jesus would need to pray to himself that the gun doesn't go off and shoot his holy dick off.
Really only the p320, 1911s are probably the safest carry gun out there
And what is your criteria for "safe"?
For any gun, specifically, mechanisms to ensure that the gun only fires if i intend it to. A 1911 has a manual thumb safety and a grip safety and is incredibly drop safe to boot. A p320 has been demonstrated repeatedly to not be drop safe.
There is no trigger block bar on a 1911. They are not drop safe.
Nah it's totally safe and will never go off without a trigger pull. Also because sig is such a good company, they're doing free voluntary trigger assembly upgrades for the p320. Totally unrelated to anything else allegedly happening.
It's incredible what a fucking joke sig has become.
Ask him how he got those holes in his hands...
Dual wielding .50 cal 7-shot revolvers. The only handguns that make a Desert Eagle look small.
I think I broke my wrist reading that
Well then you're absorbing the recoil wrong. Use your shoulders and forearms to resist the recoil, not your wrists. Also don't dual wield pistols. That is for minor deities. You literally can't watch the sights of two pistols at the same time.
That goes for smaller caliber pistols as well. Just because you are shooting a .22 or a 10mm pistol doesn't mean you shouldn't lock your wrists. DON'T lock your elbows and shoulders.
Hey a carpenter knows you can't beat simple reliability.
wouldn't he carry a revolver then? semiautomatics are relatively complicated
tbf i only know guns from games and movies
In Luke, Jesus tells his followers to sell off some of their clothes to buy weapons so this is not totally out of the realm of possibility