Dad Jokes

I always say "flock of cows" to bait someone into saying "herd of cows" so that I can say "of course I've heard of cows!" Watching their faces is priceless.

As someone who used to work in retail, if I’m ever caught saying “guess it’s free then,” I sincerely hope everyone in the store immediately stops what they’re doing to form an orderly line to take turns slapping the piss out of me.

Ouch… 18/20

Edit: They forgot the mandatory clicking of the tongs after picking them up.

The last one requires you to pat the load three times or the magic doesn’t work.

I feel personally attacked

8, and I'm a woman without children 🤔

I refuse to use any of these.
Instead I like to come up with my own new ones.

Like when someone comes back in right away after forgetting something.
I'm like: "Finally! Do you know how worried I've been?"

How dad are you?

No, it's "dad, how are you?"

Don’t forget the mandatory testing of the drill in the air.

Before I was a dad, I would say a lot of these ironically, fully aware of and referencing the cliche. Now, they're just part of me.

A ton of these are part of my daily routine.

Does "look, cows" count?

I like to yell "HEY!" and point at a field full of hay bales. The wife almost always looks briefly concerned until she sees it, and then gives me the "a-doy" look. I think she secretly loves it though.

Me, in the middle of tying my shibari bottom: “That’s not going anywhere.”

Nothing about a lot of grocery bags and exactly one walk?

A lot of these are just normal things people say. Like, "what's the damage" is just a normal way to ask a price in English.

Oh. I am fully dad.

I feel attacked and inspired.

Unlike my vision, I'm 20/20.

I am quite surprised how many Lemmy users have such high scores on the dadness meter.

I am dad of two and I perceive myself as a pretty square, but I have near to 0 points.

damn. I must have kids somewhere !

(add it to the list)

Considering how much I love dad jokes, puns, and combinations thereof, I'm SHOCKED that I only scored 1/20! And I only point out horses SOMETIMES, depending on the situation.

Dogs, though? I'll interrupt whatever you're saying or doing to point it out no matter what.

Unlike horses, dogs are precious treasures that people NEED to be made aware of immediately, so they may coo and melt!

When my kids were little, I joked about getting the "special saw" for their injuries. Looking back now, that's pretty terrifying but at the time, ... Same.

I think I’m about 90% dad here.

With four children, I think it still means I have to parent them all.

3 - 1 because I'm awkward, 1 because I used to be a horse girlie, and 1 because my dad taught me to be an obnoxious wiseass.