this post was submitted on 16 Apr 2026
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Science Memes

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[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 167 points 3 weeks ago (7 children)

People venturing outside of our atmosphere are advised against pleasuring themselves in zero gravity.

The reason? Female astronauts could accidentally get impregnated by stray fluids.

Seems all they have to do is invent some kind of nutsack.

[–] LibertyLizard@slrpnk.net 120 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Is it just me or does this seem tremendously unlikely and easy to prevent?

[–] halcyoncmdr@piefed.social 19 points 3 weeks ago

The chances of a solar particle hitting your RAM and causing a bit to flip are tremendously unlikely as well, but there's hardware made to prevent that from happening (I realize ECC does more than that).

[–] sapetoku@sh.itjust.works 12 points 3 weeks ago

I mean, do female astronauts/cosmonauts regularly float naked in the space station?

[–] saltnotsugar@lemmy.world 81 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I propose funding for an aerospace cock sock that could keep everyone safe from stray nut.

[–] amateurcrastinator@lemmy.world 13 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Nut allergies strike again!

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[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 12 points 3 weeks ago

All of the greatest inventions which revolutionized key aspects of our daily lives have begun in aerospace engineering.

Pens that write upside down. Ice cream that doesn't melt. Cock socks that don't leak and are easy to clean.

This is why we fund NASA!

[–] Iamsqueegee@sh.itjust.works 26 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The NASA ScRoTE. Self-contained Repository of Testicular Ejaculate.

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[–] Sho@lemmy.world 23 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (3 children)

These guys never heard of a "posh-wank?"

Edit: a posh wank is when you jerk it wearing a condom. Its also helpful if ur guy that doesnt like "the feel of condoms"

[–] saltnotsugar@lemmy.world 28 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

I never beat my meat at Oxford. What’s a posh-wank?

[–] Grabthar@lemmy.world 21 points 3 weeks ago

A wank whilst wearing a condom

[–] Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 3 weeks ago

With a condom is what I have heard. Expensive hence posh I guess!

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[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 16 points 3 weeks ago (10 children)

That's when you eat your cum so you don't have to clean up right?

Thats just normal recycling

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[–] kinkles@sh.itjust.works 145 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I think the bigger problem is the female astronauts slonking around the cabin crotch-first

[–] saltnotsugar@lemmy.world 114 points 3 weeks ago

Female astronaut: Here I go clam slammin in the cabin.

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[–] OfCourseNot@fedia.io 132 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

“Three female astronauts can be impregnated by the same man on the same session… it finds its way,” Smyth replied.

Not buying it at all... I'm not saying it's impossible but the odds must be astronomical (no pun intended) just for one pregnancy... not even in a million years. Life finds a way, I know, but come on!

[–] Raiderkev@lemmy.world 140 points 3 weeks ago (9 children)

No, it's true. Female astronauts usually float around up there with their twats out; spread wide open to air it out, and nearly every time a male astronaut blasts some rope, it floats straight to it obviously.

[–] RamenJunkie@midwest.social 67 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Also lady bits work like a vaccum, just sucking up all the stray dirt and food crumbs as well. Its why women are so good at staying at home.and vaccuuming, its literally natural.

(/s)

[–] Raiderkev@lemmy.world 12 points 3 weeks ago

Doubly so when you consider space is a vacuum

[–] fossilesque@mander.xyz 52 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)
[–] microcapybara@sopuli.xyz 34 points 3 weeks ago

How is babby formed?

[–] khannie@lemmy.world 22 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] fossilesque@mander.xyz 19 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)
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[–] crazycraw@crazypeople.online 14 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Im out there shootin tardigrades

women floatin gonna get some babies made

that's why I knew this rap was gonna be great

I wacked off in space and now my commanders ...late...

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[–] fascicle@leminal.space 42 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

well the article is from the future so we have to take their word for it

This article was originally published on 23 July 20222

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[–] ruuster13@lemmy.zip 92 points 3 weeks ago

scientists says

This is not a serious publication.

[–] cobwoms@lemmy.blahaj.zone 78 points 3 weeks ago (8 children)

if you nut in space will it push you backwards

[–] OfCourseNot@fedia.io 39 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

And since penises are usually not that close to the body's centre of mass it would also impart some rotation, unless the astrowanker has very good aim.

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[–] nowherelord@lemmy.world 52 points 3 weeks ago
[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 45 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

It's a valid emergency propulsion method and I'm sick of being told it's not.

One day I'm gonna save a space station, that will show them.

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[–] ImgurRefugee114@reddthat.com 43 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Great... Another job I'm not qualified for

[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 12 points 3 weeks ago

It was odd that the question was at the top of the application form too!

[–] gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de 39 points 3 weeks ago (7 children)

it's highly unlikely, fluids stick together and make drops in the air which you can easily see and avoid. and also, come on, women getting accidentally impregnated by sperm floating through the air is even less likely that women getting accidentally impregnated by sperm swimming in the water of the public swimming pool ...

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[–] LordWiggle@lemmy.world 38 points 3 weeks ago

This website is complete junk.

[–] luciole@beehaw.org 36 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)
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[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 33 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Wasn't that a joke from some comedian?

I know this is science memes, but this is just straight up bullshit repackaged with a clickbait title

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[–] notabot@piefed.social 32 points 3 weeks ago

Oh cum on, it's going to be really hard to handle that. Mind you, I'd be more concerned about the stray 'liquid' getting into machinery and shorting something, rather than accidentally impregnating three women at a time.

Fortunately we don't have to worry about this yet as "This article was originally published on 23 July 20222".

[–] smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 30 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

That reads as "male astronauts should not mastrubate in space". So it's absolutely fine for a female astronaut to rub one out. It's not like she's going to be ejecting eggs all over the place. Think of THAT OnlyFans.

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[–] Headofthebored@lemmy.world 25 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I thought you were dead, but nice try, Kellogg

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[–] deranger@sh.itjust.works 24 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Female astronauts could accidentally get impregnated by stray fluids.

New fetish unlocked

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[–] TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 22 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (7 children)

NASA scientists says-

Shouldn't it be "NASA scientist says-" or "NASA scientists say-"

I'm dyslexic and not native English speaker so I'm not sure. But it sounds weird when I say it in my head.

Than about the other thing: the subject. Doctors say it's necessary to ejaculated at least once a week to lower the chance of prostate cancer. Also, not doing anything about being horny is fucked up. I'm wearing a catheter for 4 weeks (one and half weeks to go) and it sucks so bad. Every woman I see makes me horny now, whenever I see something sexy like a bikini in a commercial or 2 people kissing during a show, I get a woodie, which hurts because I had surgery on my eurethra. Every night, the entire night, I have a woodie. I know, because the pain it causes keeps me awake. The longer the horniness is cropped up, the worse it gets. I know astronauts didn't have surgery down there, but not jurking off makes many men bombs of cropped up horniness. It can also affect concentration and performance of tasks. Men need their relief. As do women.

So, NASA scientists, why don't you invent a seed killing, particle capturing jerkoff sock for astronauts. It sounds stupid but it's oh so important.

Edit: about the Grammer, I was right.

Also, what a slop website.

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[–] Admetus@sopuli.xyz 22 points 3 weeks ago

Well everything needs to be studied conclusively but wow.

[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 18 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

We might soon have a drug that stops sperm production. That would be welcome news for space gooners.

Edit: I just wanted to say "space gooner".

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[–] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 16 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

I'm not looking to have a baby, but I gotta admit that if I were an astronaut and the one-in-a-million chance of getting impregnated by floating sperm happened, that'd be incredible. I'd have the first baby conceived in space! What a cool story to have in a family's lore.

Of course, that's provided it survives the rest of the trip.

[–] MojoMcJojo@lemmy.world 19 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

This is how we get Space Jesus

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[–] Bazell@lemmy.zip 14 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Lol. Chances for accidentally short circuit something with stray fluid are much much higher than creating a new human this way.

[–] ElectricAirship@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 3 weeks ago

The female astronauts shouldn't have dressed that way /s

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I wanna see the cumball formed by ejaculating in 0 gravity.

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