this post was submitted on 27 May 2026
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Joi AI is hiring 10 “masturbation consultants” to test its AI-guided masturbation feature and report how it affects stress, sleep, mood, and confidence.

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[–] N0libri@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago)

Can't get job because I have been automated

Can't buy computer because it's needed for datacenter

Can't watch movies because they're AI generated

Can't drink water because datacenter needs it

Can't turn on lights cause AI needs more electricity

Can't go outside because generators poisoned the air

Can't cum because goon-gpt hallucinated that I am into denial

[–] AnnaFrankfurter@lemmy.ml 3 points 3 hours ago

See you all losers I'm going to be the first tillionaire

[–] TheGiantKorean@lemmy.today 21 points 7 hours ago
[–] bss03@infosec.pub 8 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

The job only lasts a month. What ever happened to investing in a stable workforce!?

[–] beep@piefed.world 16 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Downvoted because it's an obvious stunt to make people provide free advertising for the company.

[–] TheLowestStone@lemmy.world 5 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Free advertising? Sounds like it costs about $2000/month.

[–] beep@piefed.world 2 points 4 hours ago

They don't actually have to hire anyone thou?

[–] ScruffyDucky@lemmy.world 67 points 11 hours ago
[–] flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz 7 points 8 hours ago (3 children)

The main sign that AI is really a failure is the lack of AI porn. Where is the porn we were promised?

If making good content was possible with AI, that industry would have done it already.

[–] Smorty@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 2 hours ago

its largely sitting in rp thingies and such.

currently, training a video gen model on corn is simply too expensive, and tech companies like openai and alibaba would rather not train on it, as it costs them extra thousands to train a type of video which is restricted to be generated anyway.

data curation has become one of the pillows improving models performance lately.

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 9 points 7 hours ago

you don't look at much porn, do you?

[–] AnitaAmandaHuginskis@lemmy.world 2 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Oh, it's there, I assure you

[–] flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz 1 points 4 hours ago

Links please. For research purposes of course

[–] Zahille7@lemmy.world 35 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

They named their startup "Joi".

It has to be a joke.

[–] Zannsolo@lemmy.world 11 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Jack off instruction ai sounds like the perfect name for what they are. Now the validity of the idea is another thing and unless they have some super shady plans like creating a mind controlled army of masturbators to start robbing banks and sending them the money I don't know how this would ever make money.

[–] Zahille7@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

Maybe sell the data to religious organizations so they know which porn to lobby against?

Just off the top of my head.

[–] ignotum@lemmy.world 31 points 11 hours ago

"Hey claude, should i jork it?"
"Yes"
"Bitchin'"

[–] finallymadeanaccount@lemmy.world 20 points 10 hours ago

... mood-matched AI voice-guided sessions ...

"I'll have the Captain Picard tonight!"

"Look lively there, Ensign! Being first at any cost is not always the point! What we leave behind is not as important as how we’ve lived! If we’re going to be damned, let’s be damned for what we really are! There are four lights! Maximu warp! Live now! Make now always the most precious time! Now will never come again! Lay in a course! Make it so!"

[–] furzegulo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 50 points 13 hours ago

Can't participate, AI is a massive turn-off.

[–] webp@mander.xyz 5 points 8 hours ago

Masturbating with AI would be hard and not in the way that they hope.

[–] Babalugats@feddit.uk 21 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Can I hire somebody $500 per month to do it for me?

[–] Meruten@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

Sugar babies are probably more expensive than 500 a month. Although things like this probably depend on a lot of factors.

[–] Babalugats@feddit.uk 4 points 8 hours ago

I'm sure i could find somebody to take 5 minutes out of their day, 7 times a day for around $16 per day.

I think that commissioning JOI scripts to someone who knows about pacing and then commissioning voice actors would be cheaper

[–] unabart@sh.itjust.works 16 points 13 hours ago

AI SUCKS!!!1!! THE NERVE OF TH... hold up.... what??? ~ok~

[–] programmer_belch@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

We are proud to announce our AI pleasure cube. following AI JOI practices chosen by you, it offers the best sensory overload in the market. It even comes in two colors for optimal gooning experience, ivory white and slick black. Our data analysts confirm that the serotonin increase is three times better than current ASMR technology*.

Buy now and get one month subscription to VRape, the best virtual reality experience.

* ~This device is more addictive than heroin, its withdrawal can cause mental anguish, ego death and meeting the hat man. Please consult with your primary care provider~

[–] OpenStars@piefed.social 3 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

I want to know more about meeting this hat man, how does that work?

For a friend.

[–] BarrelAgedBoredom@lemmy.zip 5 points 9 hours ago

Eat a handful of benadry, you'll meet the hat man and his shadow buddies