Ask Lemmy

Pain, fear and suffering is part of life and we are very resilient. What may seem unbearable in the moment will seam like nothing once it's passed. We endure plenty throughout life.

A heart attack is fairly quick. I would much prefer that to a long battle with dementia or certain cancers.

I've wavered between wanting to die in my sleep and not, but as of right now I'm back to wanting to be awake. Death is an experience we only have once. I don't think there will be anything left to remember the experience, but it would be cool to experience it nonetheless. Even things that are painful can be fulfilling experiences, and death is the final one.

But there is no point in worrying about it until it comes knocking. What you can do today is prepare your final will, and make your resuscitation-request known, and opt into donating your organs - but knowing how you'll feel about death once it nears is impossible.

You likely wont know when it is imminent, and you likely wont be able to reach for a gun when it does. Likely hospice workers will do their best yo minimise your suffering for you, so embrace your final moments when they come.

Whatever way death comes for you, take comfort in the fact that it happens to every one eventually, and has happened to countless others for a very long time. It's a certainty, and it's a design, so it's definitely not something to be afraid of. As for the suffering part, that's just the human experience. Your brain is more powerful than you think if you know how to control your thoughts. Mind over matter, everything happens at the mind.

If you plan to kill yourself with a gun, drag a billionaire down with you. Make the world a better place for the next to come.

I will probably do the bathtub special

"Right to die" is a medically assisted death that is available in certain places around the world. If you can't make peace any other way, moving to a place where this is an option may be the most helpful thing for you.

I like to remember what Tecumseh said

“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.”

Personally, was considering a potent opioid overdose. Bliss out and stop breathing. The end.

Everyone dies. Only certainty of life.

As part of my job in the hospital I often interact with dying people and their families. Palliative care - caring for people in the last period of their lives, in the UK focuses on patient experience and patient priorities. We generally aim for as pain free and as comfortable an end as possible and have medication which can usually make this a possibility.

The dying process for most people is a lot like falling asleep. They get more and more sleepy and spend less time awake. Eventually they go to sleep and the breathing starts changing with bigger gaps between breaths and eventually the breathing stops.

If it's done well it's a peaceful process with minimal pain and agitation.

If this is something you are concerned about it might be worth talking to your doctor about it. We have the RESPECT process in the UK which is a guided conversation about things important to the patient around the end of their life with medical recommendations for what is appropriate (not every treatment is appropriate for every patient).

In the comic "The Sandman" the personification of Death comes for a wizard who has managed to avoid her for 5,000 years.

"Well, I lasted 5,000 years," he tells her. "You must be pretty impressed."

She shakes her head.

"You got exactly the same thing as everyone else. One lifetime."

Worrying about dying is a waste of time. Make the most of your life.

Even in the absence of right-to-die laws, from what I've seen with older relatives, once the healthcare providers know what's what and divert you to hospice care, the drugs take care of the visible pain and, frankly, consciousness. These are generally practical, kind people who understand the odds and don't want to see suffering.

I would suggest dealing with your death anxiety through counseling so it doesn't consume your life.

Hi deadymouse,

If this really is something that bothers you, perhaps you could discuss it with your GP? They should know what your options are and can probably advice you better than random strangers on the internet.

Thing is, you won't know. How could you?

I've been through it once and was at good health as doctors put it (not the trump like good health).

So live your life as you want to, it being over might be unexpected.

To quote Hamlet, "There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so."

Everyone has to do things they don't want to, and dying is just one of those things. But wisdom lies in knowing that it's not the thing itself that hurts you, but the wanting.

Best option is while you're young do everything to ensure your country or place you live has an assisted dieing legislation that allows healthcare professionals help you when the time comes.

The drugs they can offer let you just drift off to sleep and you don't wake up again.

The very moment itself is nothing to be afraid of. It's a moment. How many times have you fallen asleep in your life? How about passed out by other means?

I imagine it's going to be more like the latter than the former if you're still in your right mind when it happens, but both ultimately happen outside of conscious control. Consciousness shuts down and then it's all over.

As you rightly surmise, it's the indefinite period of time that leads up to that moment of no control that is the most difficult and is what requires the coping, if any.

For that, it's down to your own beliefs. If you're not sure what they are, you might want to think about who'd be hurt by your "leaving early", so to speak. (One of the main reasons I'm still here is that people I care about would be upset by it.)

And don't think that any decision you make now is set in stone. The day may come where your existence is unbearable. If you think you're there or about to be there very soon, that would make it an excellent time to seek some kind of help. Therapy. Pain relief. Emergency hotlines. Those sorts of things. (Been there. Done that. Will probably be there doing that again at some point.)

You may also want to take your religion, if any, into account, if your actions before the very moment are supposed to affect what, if anything, happens afterwards. (And if you don't know your religion, I can't help there.)

I found this book very comforting - Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs and Communications of the Dying by Maggie Callanan.

I think the scariness comes from lack of familiarity. Getting a closer look at what it's actually like for dying people can help us face our eventual end.

I still have many years left to live and the mere thought of the finality of life leaves me paralyzed and apathetic to the point where I take sick leave from work. This is my curse. When death does come, I guess I will have changed enough emotionally, physiologically and biochemically to simply give up and cease to exist in a spiritual maelstrom of anger and hate.

I guess most religions caution against getting too self-absorbed or materialistic in life. It's a common trap we fall into, and it's an awful place to find yourself when you're on your deathbed.

As I get older, I think more about the people who will be left behind once I'm gone. Will they be all right? Will my passing cause a lot of drama? If they still really need me, I will fight to stick around a little longer, even if it entails some personal suffering. It'll be over soon enough.

I guess if I'm in the middle of some personal quest, I may also fight to see it through before kicking the can? I dunno.

Otoh if my living on creates a greater burden, I might want to go sooner rather than later?

And I try not to concern myself with what happens to me personally after I'm gone. Whether you're religious or atheist, let's face it. Your fate is out of your hands at that point.

let’s say, I have one day, a week or a month left to live suffering from an illness,

A big problem with this line of thinking is that in real life you rarely know this, especially while remaining aware enough to commit to such a plan. It’s just a prognosis, based on averages.

or I know that after a while I’m going to have a heart attack that will definitely kill me.

1. You want to give up your remaining time because a heart attack is in your future? Usually you can reduce the chances with diet, exercise and medication.
2. For many heart attacks, survivability is directly related to how quickly you get medical attention.

Generalizing this back to what I believe is the goal of your question, it’s rarely certain or predictable. When it is, you may already be too far gone to make such choices (hence legal documents like DNR)

if you define life as the ability to experience the physical universe, then death is the inability to do so. Therefore, you cannot experience death.

Death is the end

Do you judge a book on it last page, paragraph, or its sentence, or its last word, or its last punctuation, or the last page number at the very bottom right?

I certainly dont, i judge the book for the book it was, in totality (or as much of it as i remember).

Life is the journey, not the end. The end isnt the point, nor the goal, nor even the destination - its just a point no different than any of the others.

Release yourself from worrying about one moment, and allow yourself to see the beauty and capability of the entire life

Do you live in a country or state where MAID (medical assistance in dying) is legal?

If you do, those laws allow for better than do-it-yourself options.

The leaving is no problem at all, but think about where you go afterwards.