Technology

It's indestructible, but not unflushable.

Throw it in my pocket with my keys and my spare pocket sand. It'll be destroyed.

Plot twist: it destroys your child. Not physically, morally.

With these new indestructible powers, your child enslaves the entirety of mankind. Forced to adopt a bewildered child's point of view, humans spend all day with their families and friends, get ample sleep, share food and housing, laugh, cry, and find unbeatable protection just by being near those they love.

People love and lift each other to new heights of unshackled peace. Sciences and arts flourish and humanity enters unprecedented phases of discovery, health, and empathy.

But because your child is the villain of this story, all the politicians and capitalists declare war on your indestructible child. They all lose and die. The villain wins. Everyone celebrates.

The end.

Careful, it may very well kill your kid and upload them to the cloud

"Stores data for billions of years!"

Have you tested it?

"Yes"

For how long?

"..."

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/5D_optical_data_storage

The "5-dimensional" descriptor is only a marketing term, since the device has 3 physical dimensions and no exotic higher dimensional properties. The fractal/holographic nature of its data storage is also purely 3-dimensional. The size, orientation and three-dimensional position of the nanostructures comprise the so-called five dimensions.

☹️

/edit

Further down in the article it is a little clearer...

In this case, the 5 dimensions inside of the discs are the size and orientation in relation to the 3-dimensional position of the nanostructures. The concept of being 5-dimensional means that one disc has several different images depending on the angle that one views it from, and the magnification of the microscope used to view it.

The website even lists a little more...

In order to increase the data capacity of optical storage, there is the potential of storing more than one bit in a single voxel by implementing multiplex technology. The recently developed 5D optical storage technique uses birefringence as an extra degree of freedom – the property of a medium whereby its refractive index varies depending on the polarization and direction of incident light. Birefringence generated by the orientation and size of optical nano-gratings offers two extra dimensions, providing much higher storage capacities.

So, it's supposedly three dimensions of position plus angle and (maybe?) polarity. So, it seems to be more than just a marketing gimmick, but I can't find any information about the resolution of those additional two parameters, so I can't tell if a single voxel stores two bits or two terabits.

Make sure it has friendly words on the front line Don't Panic.

Just shot them in all directions from the solar system into space, but also add ads so aliens know to ignore and avoid us.

Magic orbs already exist.

COD developers are actively salivating at the thought!

I feel like anyone advanced enough to have use for ancient human DNA data will also be advanced enough to decode unfamiliar storage formats

Some manufacturers claim that tape can last up to thirty years, making it a suitable medium for archiving. The problem with that number is that magnetic tapes only last that long under absolutely optimum environmental conditions. That means storing magnetic tapes in environments with stable humidity and temperatures. A more realistic lifespan for magnetic tape is about ten to twenty years. And it’s important to note that tape is more susceptible to wear and tear if used frequently.

1000°C aint that much, a blowtorch could easily reach that

if this comes even semi consumer grade Internet archivists (and pirates) are gonna have a field day

Yeah, but imagine if microplastics had terabytes data on them. Finding plastic fibers in your testicles is a bummer, but finding the Lord of the Rings trilogy Director's Cuts in 4K? That would be pretty rad.

Plastic is also destructive and look where its profits got us

IT’S A FAKE!

This isn't a "this is your home PCs future storage" news. The read & write rates are probably abysmally slow and the intention here is for actual knowledge databases that may survive us as a species.