Sorry, 2-7 times a day??? Oh no
this post was submitted on 08 Jun 2026
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I'm gonna reach that limit before leaving my bed in the morning.
I reached the limit while reading this comment
Who the fuck farts twice a day
Jimmy Two Farts
Most people fart before taking a shit. You probably don't think of it as a fart just because you're on the toilet. But it is indeed a fart.
One from 7 to 9, and one for the afternoon from 19 until 21
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Some scientist is like "Jerry, you fart so much I wrote a research paper about it. "
Just one, long fart per day is all you need.
I've told this story before recently, but somehow it seems vaguely apropos.
When I was a kid, I tried adding fried spam to mac and cheese.
As you can tell, my mom was very concerned about my diet, AKA, not at all, and she just let us do whatever the fuck we wanted to do.
So anyway, it was alright. It was not a meal I would repeat. But in addition to the fact that it was not very good, that night at three o'clock in the morning, my butthole woke me up.
This is not a normal occurrence in my life. In fact, in all of the years since then it has never happened again.
My butthole woke me up to let me know that it was about to open, and it opened, and exhaled one long continuous fart for what felt like two solid minutes.
There was no sound, it was completely silent, it did not rattle my cheeks. It was just a whoosh. Like my butthole had been waiting to exhale its entire life and finally got the opportunity.
At first I was like, why am I awake?
Then I was like, wow, this is a really long fart.
Then I was like, dear god, why has this fart not stopped yet?
Then I spent the remaining minute and 30 seconds of the longest fart in my entire life, absolutely flabbergasted that it was still happening. I wish I had shit the bed, I would be less traumatized.
That fart changed my life and not for the better.
I think moby dick might actually have been written about a fart like this.
Thank you for your contripootion.
Bless you and long winded farts!
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I believe the scientific term is 'cropdusting'
I feel seen.
You want it nice and deep. A truly satisfying fart might cost you a tooth
Where is that tooth coming from. WHERE? D:
you pay the tooth fairy with the tooth to bury the fart waaaaay up there. sorry, i thought this kind of deal was common
Well. Except for No Fart November. There's a peptide for it and everything [there isn't].
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One, long fart, you say?
Sounds like you may have some sphincter trouble there. Too much olestra?
Number isn't what's important. What matters are volume and volume.
Ha! Good one
That is (pretty obviously) my #2 joke
A pretty solid one
Oh, I am not ok then... I think some days I fart more than I talk...
Please stop posting my diary
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OK so my brother was right.
Was your brother the author?
No but he did say that my wife and I fart an incredible amount.
Episodes rose gradually from morning and reached a peak between 6 pm and 10 pm
And everyone at day jobs are grateful.
I’d love to have been a fly on the wall with the panel required to approve a flatulence study that uses an app called “Chart Your Fart”
That's just because they didn't include me, Jimmy Fartling.. They said I was an outlier and the lab hasn't stopped smelling like cabbage
Wtf? Do these scientists explicitly eat ultraprocessed food that becomes Portland cement in your guts and kills all the bacteria in your microbiome?
you dont need to eat ultraprocessed, just alot eggs or cauliflour or broccoli
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Fast increases around breakfast and after evening meal, also the app they made was called 'chart your fart'
Is this the average for non lactose intolerant people?
I reviewed the article but not the paper direct but this could be very beneficial knowledge for gi doctors. I wouldn't be surprised to see this at least nominated for a ig nobel prize.
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