Gilbert Gottfried
this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2025
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John Oliver
Deadmau5.
The tapes of some of these Catholic hymns are getting kinda worn- let's get some fresh beats to liven things up. And a laser lightshow in St Peter's Basilica would help appeal to the "hip youths" ensuring a continued Catholic hegemony for the next century.
Leaning towards Cardinal Pietro Parolin - Cardinal secretary of state.
I thought the crowd favorite would've been Luigi, though I have no idea what the requirements are for being elected Pope.
Be male Be a roman catholic Get enough cardinals to vote for you
For each of these requirements there's at least one Pope who didn't meet them.
So you're saying Luigi has a chance?
I'd vote for him
Dang I might have to change my vote
I think we should reelect Francis.
No no no. You aren't allowed to elect dead popes, just prosecute them.
We just gotta set up one of those WH40K Golden thrones for him!
Guarantee they have something that's already halfway there tucked in a warehouse.
I'm thinkin' Father Guido Sarducci will come outta nowhere and sprint to the win.
Satan. I'm pretty sure he would greatly increase the morality and the accountability in the Catholic Church.
If nothing else he would send all the pedo preists to hell.
Accountability.
Vermin Supreme.
Yeah Danny sounds good. Or Jack Black would pope the hell out of that Vatican, literally.
The Archbishop of Kabul
I see what you did there.
The pope goes by AD&D druid rules. The new pope is the guy who killed the previous pope.
So it's J D Vance.
Last one was on the liberal side. Expect a hardcore, gay hating conservative this time.
I had read that Francis appointed 80% of the Cardinals who pick the new Pope. So it's possible that the new Pope will have similar views to Francis.
I'm votin' fer yours truly. I'd make a kick-ass pope. 😤
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and vote for you.
The pope elections always last long cause every man always votes for himself. Just like the pirate king of brethren court
420 Blaze It
Bill Burr
Trump! Make Trump the new Pope. That would be hilarious!
Do you think that is why JD Nonce was in the Vatican? To force the Pope into announcing Trump as his successor?
I heard he was there to kill him. Hence his death shortly after.
All the pope had to do to live was say thank you, but he didn't.
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Cue Musk with his lottery for votes.
I'd vote for Elon Musk as Popeking of Catholicism.
The same way Elon "improved" Twitter and the US Government, I would love it if he did the same for the Catholics.
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Adam Savage
The Gang Bankrupts The Vatican
theme song
Resurrected harambe
Robert Smith of the Cure.
that'd be badass.
+1
Well he did defeat Mecha Streisand.
Screw it, I'll be the pope if that means I can release the records on their pedo priest protection program.
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