this post was submitted on 22 May 2026
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Not The Onion

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[–] uuj8za@piefed.social 124 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Not only will America go to your country and kill all your people. But they'll come back 20 years later and make a movie about how killing your people made their soldiers feel sad.

  • Frankie Boyle
[–] Witchfire@lemmy.world 37 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Damn we're really speedrunning here

[–] MedicPigBabySaver@lemmy.world 5 points 5 days ago

Ha, 20 minutes...

[–] tidderuuf@lemmy.world 88 points 5 days ago (5 children)

Film to be based upon the accounts of U.S. service members. Which means it won't be anything near the truth and is just gonna look cool with big explosions and for some reason a high speed vehicle chase scene.

[–] PhatalFlaw@lemmy.world 39 points 5 days ago (1 children)

More realistically, it'll be based on the pentagon's accounts of the accounts of the service members.

[–] turtlesareneat@piefed.ca 25 points 5 days ago

The pentagon claims everyone the pilots encountered immediately tried to defect to us so hard, they were actually worshipped as gods. No combat, and gas prices fell to $1 where they are now.

[–] D_C@sh.itjust.works 13 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Will the high speed vehicle chase come before or after the slow motion shots of the american flags blowing in the wind?

[–] Lodespawn@aussie.zone 16 points 5 days ago

Yes, also during

[–] blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Will the one chasing be a Hilux with a machine gun on the bed?

[–] Witchfire@lemmy.world 6 points 5 days ago (1 children)
[–] blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 5 days ago

Inexplicably in Iran

[–] Bronzebeard@lemmy.zip 2 points 4 days ago

It's Michael Bay, all of that was a given.

[–] CaliforniaSober@lemmy.ca 4 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

But how is John Krasinski supposed to make a living?!!! I mean Pam is only so shitty… you can’t make a living off someone being a literal cutout of stupid talking points…

Or… you could make a series about aliens keying into your wife making noise…

[–] Onsotumenh@discuss.tchncs.de 56 points 5 days ago

Yay for propaganda.

[–] Davel23@fedia.io 53 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I'd be more interested in a movie about how he stole Justin Bieber's hair.

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 4 points 5 days ago

stole carrot tops hair, and use shampoo/conditioning.

Yikes fuck this country

weve never seen the pilot yet they had a movie ready to go

ok

[–] Lodespawn@aussie.zone 26 points 5 days ago

This is the first time I've seen a picture of Michael Bay and he looks exactly like the kind of person who would make Michael Bay movies.

[–] neuracnu@lemmy.blahaj.zone 23 points 5 days ago

Wasn’t he busy with that skibidy toilet movie?

[–] 4am@lemmy.zip 15 points 5 days ago (2 children)

He’s not even finished the Skibiti Toilet movie yet

[–] HeyJoe@lemmy.world 12 points 5 days ago

Its no longer relevant anymore either. You cant even make a movie in the amount of time where people still care.

[–] Wataba@sh.itjust.works 6 points 5 days ago

I would unironically pick that trashheap over the suckers and losers biopic at this point.

[–] Sanctus@anarchist.nexus 15 points 5 days ago (2 children)

This summer

helicopter noises and a choir sustain

The most epic rescue operation of a failed nuclear bomb drop you'll ever see grace the silver screens

wide shot of the bomb waving down helicopter from earlier

[–] CaliforniaSober@lemmy.ca 14 points 5 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (3 children)

Mother fucker you dont understand the sacrifice of a few guys holding back unequipped folks while more sacrifice was made to save other sacrifices of folks equipped with jesus who had to sacrifice others in the 13 minutes to Jesus you take for granted…. This is Abraham and you are pieces of shit that don’t understand how this is sacrificed in ways that you have never sacrificed while we all wage a holy sacrifice…

[–] Sanctus@anarchist.nexus 8 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Top tier honestly no notes

[–] docandersonn@literature.cafe 4 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I searched this text verbatim in Google because I don't understand the context of this rant, and the AI thought I was in crisis and directed me to a suicide helpline.

[–] CaliforniaSober@lemmy.ca 3 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

It’s not real! <\hint>

Clearly you aren’t aware of the awesome sacrifice made of the 13 hours of holy sacrifice Jesus made for our boys to sacrifice! Motherfucker this is righteousness for our sacrifice… Sacrifice!
BRING OUR BOYS HOME

[–] P00ptart@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago

You need at least one "brothers and sisters" and "family".

[–] dan69@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago

Don’t forget light flares..

[–] green_goglin@thelemmy.club 3 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)
[–] stumu415@lemmy.zip 5 points 5 days ago
[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago

I hope he casts himself as the star, too.

[–] brax@sh.itjust.works 1 points 4 days ago

Anybody else read that as "furry" at first? I was very confused... 😂