Ask Lemmy

Backstory: I'm not strict. I'm not a task master. I don't helicopter. I don't spank. I don't yell. I rarely punish, and they are always meant to build, not tear-down.

My kids got a little candy as a desert after dinner when they were small, no sodas. After 5 or so they were allowed a little candy as desert after dinner and lunch. We always stocked big bulk versions of their favorite candies. They got to choose these bulk candies.

I rationed till 6 and then they were allowed to just grab whatever they wanted after a meal, with the understanding that if they consistently went wild with it then I would go back to the job to help them regain control.

They also understood that if they tore through the candy or snuck candy, that was understandable, but we would have to stop getting the bulk candy because too much candy hurts us and we would do what we needed to ensure we are safe and healthy. If control can't be gained with it home, it can be gained once a month at the store by simply not buying it. We would still get candy, but far less often, maybe at a stop for gas or whatever.

They were allowed to eat as much as they ever wanted on special occasions, Halloween, parties, last day of school, vacations, etc. They learned early on how unpleasant it was to go too far with this.

Finally, they were allowed any time to say "I think I want a little candy, can I grab a few (candy type)? And I would make a judgement call based on the days intake and other factors. Surprisingly, they very very rarely used this, even though I mostly always agreed.

Other than having to say "ooh that was a bit much, be more careful next time" sometimes early-on, they became completely hands off with candy and always kept it within reason for their size. If they were unsure, they would ask me to look at what they got. If it was to much, they still got it, always with a "that's ok, next time get less. remember it's not what we do on occasion that matters much, it's what we do every day. So let's make sure we don't do this every day."

I anchored all this to measurable metrics they could understand and see, calories. IDGAF what dessert you eat, you get ~100 calories each meal to spend. That's 6 pieces of gum whenever and however you want them, 6 jolly ranchers, two Oreos, etc.

I essentially mirrored control for them while still letting them have control and a wide choice themselves to exercise within that dynamic.

I knew they would be good when we were at the grocery with my best friend picking up meat for bbq and games all day. When we got to the register he said
"ooh, hey guys get whatever you want" gesturing to the prodigious impulse buy candy display
"We have candy at home"
"But there is so much stuff here. You can get different candy"
"Hmm"

Shocked, I chime in "guys, this is a special occasion, you can eat as much of whatever you want. And, (friend) is paying." Thinking maybe they didn't realize it was a party day, or they were worried about cost.
"Well, we have what we want at home. So, we'll just get some there."
"You can have that too, and get something here. it's a party."
"We're good, but thank you."

He was just, floored. I was beaming. Not because they executed control, they were well into that, but because I knew I had their needs beyond met, and through their lives even when I cease to be able to help them, they would be able to meet their needs better than I ever could.

My oldest is in their 20s. My youngest in their teens. All of them regulate junk of any kind, sugar, media, etc, easily. This is one area I fucking aced as a parent.

My aunt and uncle would only very rarely allow my cousins to have sugary foods, though it was treated largely a form of abuse. My aunt and uncle were morbidly obese junk food junkies, their house was always full of candy, cakes, donuts, little debbie snacks, pudding, icecream, you name it, they had it, but my cousins weren't allowed to have any except in very rare instances. They'd take the kids out to trick or treat, my cousins would come back home with a giant bag of candy, but they'd only be allowed to have 1 piece each -- my aunt and uncle got the rest. One time my aunt asked the family to make homemade milkshakes for her birthday, but then insisted my cousins could not have any.

Growing up, the cousins maintained a healthy weight and honestly other than the fact that we'd sneak them sweet snacks whenever we could, they didn't seem to have a particularly problematic issue with food.

However, they both put on an enormous amount of weight once they left home for college. Last I saw, which has admittedly been awhile (pre-covid), they were both morbidly obese.

Granted, I'm in the USA, so even folks who were normal weight as kids and didn't grow up in abusive homes or have restrictive diets end up becoming obese / morbidly obese from poor diets and overeating as adults.

Sort of a weird way of doing it, but my mom didn’t allow sugary breakfast cereals. Adding sugar to cereals was fine, but the only cereals we kept in the house were the basic ones. Rice crispies, bran flakes, Chex of different varieties, etc…

I actually prefer the unsweetened cereals now. Most cereals are cloyingly sweet by my standards. My go-to is usually plain Weetabix or bran flakes.

I wasn't allowed to have sugar because I was hypoglycemic as a kid. I'd get a burst of energy and then crash out. It almost put me in a coma once and I had to visit the hospital a few times.

I'd still sneak candy anytime I could!

As an adult, I don't even associate candy with food. To my brain, it's poison. I'm not like obsessive or anything but I don't really eat sweets to this day even though I haven't had any blood sugar problems as an adult.

I do eat some things with some added sugar of course but that's about it.

Once I was dating a woman that had diabetes and to support her, we both cut out added sugar and carbs for 1 month. That was a crazy experience! I literally went through physical and mental withdrawals! Eventually my sense of taste became so different that I remember baby carrots tasting like they were dipped in sugar water! Once I stopped the diet it took weeks for me to start tasting things normally again.

Oh, speaking of sugar and taste, I had a similar experience with everything tasting like sugar when I came home from a 1 month vacation in Spain where I ate pretty normally. The amount of sugar added to everything in the US is fucking gross!

My parents were very anti-sugar and extremely controlling of our diet, there was a lock on the pantry door and everything (which is how I learned to pick locks 😉). All of us went wild in adulthood. All of us are obese except my sister who runs a half marathon per day. The funny thing is my parents never ate healthy, they would devour desserts at work and hide candy in their bedroom closet. My dad drinks a gallon of chocolate milk per week today.

I wasn't allowed much sugar as a kid and I still have all of my teeth and no fillings at 48. Only repair work is from not wearing a gum shield when kickboxing.

We're all fat and our teeth have been mostly replaced with crowns. And even though we're in our fifties, our attitude towards sugary food is incredibly unhealthy, because we didn't learn to eat it in moderation, we learned to take advantage of any opportunity that offered us sugary food.

I'm thinking there must be a study somewhere.

And indeed there is, where they studied people who were born just before and after the end of WW2 sugar rationing in the UK:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39480913/

Those people are into their 70s and 80s now, so the long term health outcomes are well documented:

...we found that early-life rationing reduced type 2 diabetes and hypertension risk by about 35 and 20% and delayed disease onset by 4 and 2 years, respectively. Protection was evident with in utero exposure and increased with postnatal sugar restriction, especially after 6 months, when eating of solid foods likely began. In utero sugar rationing alone accounted for about one-third of the risk reduction.

We did no added sugar until our kids were 2. We don't regulate much anymore but it seems like they still love sweet things but don't crave it or overindulge like I used to when I was their age. A lot of neural development happens early on

My good friend was heavily guilted growing up when they wanted any food their parents deemed unhealthy, especially sweets. Guess what, they developed an eating disorder and nearly died from it.

It's just Puritanism and has all of the drawbacks of an overreaching authority.

Those kids usally binge on sugar once they hit adolescence and are away from thier parents. Great way to create a substance abuse issue. It’s what happens every time you do shit like this.

Prohibition is a method of control that requires a hell of a lot of restrictions to work. And even then it has a high failure rate.

There are cultures where sweet foods are less common or less extreme. They eat American sweets and complain that they don't like it because it tastes too sweet, or they will complain that America sweetens foods that they normally don't expect to be sweet.

I grew up having constant access to sweets. While I have never been obese, I do struggle with addiction to sweets and it is a constant challenge to try not to overdo it.

Yeah, I'm in that boat. I did have some sugar, but it was extremely rare, and IIRC got phased out more as I got older. I don't think it was ever a hard rule of "no," but more of a "have very little except maybe on special occasions." I never developed much of a taste for sweet things to the point I quite often find muffins for scones unreasonably sweet. When I was doing mountain bike races, I had energy chews and bars. In hinds sight, that was probably a poor nutrition choice for my metabolism, and I now I simply have roasted and salted pistachios, with a sugar free electrolyte mix before and/or after the ride.

I also very much seem to be the exception here. Probably my experience more comes down to my own eccentricities. I have the eating habits and body type of a distance athlete; healthy but low weight, diet consisting largely of slow-burning foods like nuts, fruits and starchy vegetables. I am still figuring out what diet and training routine works best for me, but sugar, even as a mid-ride fuel is a hard no-go for me. I like putting in the work to be able to do extreme sports like mountain biking and snowboarding at a reasonably intense level all day long. I listen to my body and I know without a shadow of a doubt touching high sugar and certainly processed foods is not worth it by any means.

Ate loads of shit for years as soon as I left home, now type-2 diabetic. 😬

I have a healthy relationship with sugar following a childhood with limited access because sugary things taste too sweet to me now, as well things like almonds and carrots taste sweet to me.

I was allowed sugar, but it was cut way back. For example: my parents would take a box of lucky charms for the appeal, then cut it with a Costco size box of Cheerios. Shitload of Cheerios in a bowl, one sad marshmallow. When I got to college and they had bins of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, etc., I went to town and got hit with what I call the Freshman 40. No diabetes, thank god, but my upbringing’s food control fucked me up and continues to do so.

I had no sugar except on weekends as a kid. I think I eat less sugar than the average American now, and I’m over 40. I also did a “Whole30” in my 30s and I think that had an effect on my palate as well